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2016 07 27 QT Joshua 8 1 9

QT Joshua 8:1-9

July 27, 2016

So what I’m seeing today is how now God is allowing the Israelites to take things from the plunder, unlike from Jericho. Israelites suffered because God told them not to take plunder from Jericho, but one of them did, but now God tells them it’s okay to take plunder from Ai. This makes me think the importance is in His story, and Israelites doing what He commands. God could have just as well allowed Israelites to take plunder from Jericho too, but He was training Israelites, seeing how well they follow His commands, so that He could use them for His glory. And yet, He recognizes the desire for the plunders in Israelites, and allows it this time.

How well am I following His commands. I want to hear commands about specific things in my life like Joshua did, but the commands in the bible are not about specific situations in my life, but general. To love God, and to love others. Very simple and clear, and very easy, yet very difficult to do. It’s easy if I just let go of myself, but difficult because it’s so hard to let go of myself, exposing myself to abuse from others. But that’s what God commands. Do I want to conquer Ai following His commands, or do I want to defeated looking out for myself.

Application: read bible for 15 minutes, pray for 15 minutes

2016 07 25 QT Joshua 7 10 18

QT Joshua 7:10-18

July 25, 2016

One person’s sin will have an effect on the whole. Because Archan sinned by stealing what was supposed to be devoted. This leads to defeat of Israelites in Ai. There is no hiding sin from God. I know a lot of my sins, but God knows some of my sins that I’m not even aware. It’s a tough fight, and one I cannot possibly win on my own. So, I need to repent, and rely on the grace of Jesus. One of the guest pastors in the past said that you haven’t truly repented a sin if you continue to sin. It makes sense, but it’s very dooming, because it may not be possible in all cases. And even this very idea seems to rely on a person's ability to repent. I don’t seem to have that perfect ability to repent in a way that I never go back to it. I just seem to end up forgetting, and repeating, and everybody I know seems to be doing the same. Grace is the only way to be saved, through faith in Jesus. Anything else I do is simply for helping my faith in Jesus.

Application: pray for 15 minutes, read for 15 minutes

2016 07 13 QT Joshua 1 10 18

QT Joshua 1:10-18

The Israelites roamed and waited 40 years to enter the promised land. They didn't all wait patiently and gracefully. They complained and complained. Not everyone makes it, as many died of old age during the 40 years, including Moses. Moses and Aaron never makes it due to disobedience. They were probably no more disobedient than others, but they stood in roles of leadership.

Can I wait 40 years in patience and grace? No, probably impossible. But what choice do I have if God would command me so directly. But God does not speak so directly to me as HE did to Moses. I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. And I understand God's vision for all of us, to love Him, and to love one another, but what I really need to know is do I stay or do I go. I really don't know. God, please guide me as you always have, and don't let me ignore it.

Application: read Joshua, pray for 15 minutes at 7pm

2016 07 11 QT 3 John 1 1 15

QT 3 John 1:1-15

July 11, 2016

In today's QT, John reiterates the importance of assisting churches that spread the gospel, brothers and sisters who are strangers. Through materials, prayers, words of encouragement, accommodating their needs in their work of the Gospel, all glorify in his Name. This can only be done by those walking in the truths because it simply does not make any sense for the worldly person to make such self-sacrifice. And so it becomes clear who is the in the truth, and who is not.

It seems despite my troubles, I am still in the truths. Though I may not as actively engaging in such things, I am at least aware. I suppose I am kind of ignoring at lot as I feel I'm lost. I see how amazing everything is, and what a wonderful situation God has put me in, and am so thankful for everything, yet I still cry at my troubles. I'm hopeful, yet I can't help my eyes from tears. I don't know what is happening. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Application: go to morning prayer tomorrow

2016 07 10 QT 2 John 1 1 13

QT 2 John 1:1-13

July 10, 2016

6: And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.

Walk in love and truth. I think I know what that’s like, and I don’t seem to be fully walking in love, nor be fully in truth these days. Why? What is the problem? I’m tired? Am I living having forgotten the truths? Some people who I can’t seem to continue to forgive and love? Lonely? Hurt? What is different? What has changed? I think all these things, and there doesn’t seem to be an answer within me. There never ever was anyways. The answers are in the truth, in Jesus. Even this, I have been living having forgotten. QT just may be the only way to wake up and remember the most important things.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow morning

2016 07 02 QT 1 John 2 1 11

QT 1 John 2:1-11

July 2, 2016

종종 힘든 형제 자매들이 있다. 처음에는 사랑으로 나아가지만, 계속 힘들다보면 그냥 조금 피하고 거리를 두어야 하는 경우가 종종 있다. 근데 이 피하는것이 지혜로운것인지, 아니면 그냥 오늘 말씀에 나온거처럼 주님이 형제사랑 하란걸 따르지 못하는것인지… 답은 성령님 의지밖에 없다...

지난 13일동안 아버지와 너무 좋을시간을 보내며 느낀것은, 특히 아버지와 함께 예배를 드릴때 느낀것은, 진짜 감사할뿐이고, 이렇게 오랫동안 기도해왔던것들이 이루어 지는 시간을 주시며 느낀건, 나는 왜 주님을 아직도 더 크게 신뢰를 못하느냐, 지금까지 이끌어주시고, 이루어주시고, 알게해 주신게 얼만데, 왜 이런 저런 작은 힘든일들 때문에 흔들리냐, 더 온전히 주님을 기다리지 못하느냐...

보이지 않게 일하신다. 오랫동안 일하시고 일하셨다. 가끔씩 그걸 까먹고 있을때, 그 꽃이 필때 놀란다. 내 믿음은 너무 약하다...

적용: 말씀 읽기

2016 05 12 QT 2 Peter 1 12 21

QT 2 Peter 1:12-21

May 12, 2016

I should read the bible more, and I should be more spiritually awake, for my own good and happiness. I forget the truth so easily, and if I don’t remind myself every day, I wonder aimlessly. There are many pursuits to pursue in life. Many of these pursuits promise happiness, but none deliver except one. No achievement can bring about happiness. Only knowing the truth, being reminded of the truth can put me in a state of happiness, doesn’t matter what the situation, what the hardship, and only then am I truly living. But I will forget again, like I always do, but it’s good to my brothers and sisters to remind ourselves.

Application: read bible, share a verse

2016 05 04 QT 1 Peter 2 11 25

QT 1 Peter 2:11-25

May 4, 2016

Verse 11: Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

Urging me to abstain from sinful desires. Not to love the world and its ways, but to be alien and stranger to it, to prevent death of my soul.

It’s impossible to be perfect, but it is better to win one battle than to always lose. The war has been won anyways. The battle is for the health of my soul.

It’s funny how I can sense the state of my spiritual health. Not much different than knowing if I’m bleeding physically. Sad to say that I’m not as healthy as I have been in the past. I have been ignoring it, but thank God I see this, and know what I have to do. Some people bleed and die without even knowing. It’s funny how I can somehow sense the spiritual health of others as well. I know I should reach out to some who are bleeding, but it’s hard to do when I too am bleeding, and it’s just more comfortable being around those who are spiritually healthy, those healers. I have to become healthy again, and it’s one step at a time, one battle at a time.

Application: read 3 chapters

2016 05 03 QT 1 Peter 2 1 10

QT 1 Peter 2:1-10

May 3, 2016

It’s been 20 days since my last QT. I suppose I was going through some rough patches. I got very tired from a lot of things, and I had to let go of a few things, and one of them was QT. Fact that we were doing Ezekiel didn’t really help either. I did read a chapter or two of the bible a handful of times just to survive, but in retrospect, I really should have eaten the Word of God a lot more, like today’s verse 2 says, like a new born baby after his milk.

Verse 2: Like new born babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation

I’m saved, through my faith and faith alone. No wrong I can do can take that away, but being saved, and living a life pleasing to the Lord are two very different things, and I happen to desire not just the former, but also the latter. This desire makes things hard sometimes, and is something I’m learning to let go now and then, to admit my flaws, and give glory to Jesus who still considers me flawless.

This QT, deciding to do it just now, was a battle. I’ve been losing this battle for the past 20 days, but I almost lost again today, but I said to myself, I may lose many more in the future, but I will win today even if it’s only today, and that alone still pleases Him. I’m glad I did.

Application: eat at least 3 chapters, go to morning prayer tomorrow, do QT tomorrow

2016 04 13 QT Ezekiel 37 1 14

QT Ezekiel 37:1-14

April 13, 2016

In today’s QT, God raises the valley of dry human bones to life through Ezekiel. And God says in verse 12: "O my people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel."

Today’s QT reflection asks the questions, do you feel desperate, hopeless, or spiritually dead? What brokenness does God want to heal? And I have to say that I do feel a little spiritually dead, and my heart is a little broken. But I’m not without hope though.

I am feeling very worn down by all the people in my life who are asking all kinds of things from me, and requiring all kinds of love, with no real appreciation for my sacrifices. So, sometimes, I just want to stop and say this is my limit, and it’s all I can do, sorry, but somehow, for some reason, I keep at it, probably for some good reason. God could probably say the same about me. And I am probably feeling this way because I’m not asking/receiving enough love from God to flow out to these people. And it’s really nothing compared to what Jesus did. It’s difficult to live the way God is asking me to, but it’s all for me anyways. I’m just a little tired that’s all. I just have to remember just how much love I’m already receiving from God, in ways I can’t possibly thank enough, and all HE’s asking me to is to love these people just little bit with a little bit of my sacrifice.

Application: read random chapters of the bible before eating anything, pray 15 minutes at 4pm.

2016 04 10 QT Ezekiel 35 1 15

QT Ezekiel 35:1-15

April 10, 2016

In today’s QT, God shows his hatred toward rejoicing of someone else’s desolation. HE is against Mount Seir because, for one, they do not know that HE is the LORD, and two, they rejoiced when Israel’s inheritance became desolate.

God is telling me never to rejoice in someone else’s misery. God is telling me not to dislike anyone. This is hard for obvious reasons, so I cannot do it on my own. I have to remember God’s love for me, and for all.

Application: read at least 1 chapter, pray at least 15 minutes

2016 04 06 QT Ezekiel 33 1 20

QT Ezekiel 33:1-20

April 6, 2016

Today’s QT reminds me of the difference between the times before and after Jesus paid the price for the sin. In the times of today’s QT, during Ezekiel’s time, the way to salvation was to be righteous, but it was too hard as no one could be righteous enough. So, Jesus opened a new way to salvation through faith, and faith alone, and this faith in turn leads the wicked people toward living a more righteous life, but not required for salvation.

I’m so thankful for this price having been paid for me. It’s something I cannot ever repay. I’m just called to pass on and share the grace I have been given to others. This is hard at times because as a human being, there is always going to be some level of self-protection in place from being abused by others. This fine line cannot be set by any observable standards I can figure out. It differs time to time, situation by situation, and so it must be relied on the Holy Sprit, as with everything else. And to be able to rely on the Holy Spirit, I must be awake, and ask for it always, in anything and everything I do. I just don’t have enough information to make the right call on my own. I can never have enough information to make the right call on my own. This is true in all aspect of my life, both social and business. It’s why it’s so important to be awake.

Application: pray at least 15 minutes before my business meeting, asking for wisdom to work out a business issue with my print shop

2016 04 05 QT Ezekiel 32 17 32

QT Ezekiel 32:17-32

April 5, 2016

God determines the rise and fall of empires on the basis of nations’ recognition and acknowledgement of the LORD as LORD, and each person is a small nation of their own. In today’s QT, God warns through Ezekiel more about the fall of Egypt and its surrounding cities, trying to get them to change their heart. In today’s QT, God warns me through this QT about the fall of me, trying to get me to change my heart. Where is my heart? I’ve blessed with so much, and now in a time a peace and abundance, I’m chasing my own desires, rather than His kingdom. I’m caught up and stuck in a way that a teenage boy is, but as a 31 year old man. How sad, and yet also how wonderful.

Yesterday, someone sent me a message about my last QT, someone who I’ve prayed for their faith, and she seemed to have opened up a lot more over time. I ask her for prayer request, and she said she didn’t want to share because it’s a risk, a risk that she might not get the reaction that she needs when she opens herself up. And couple of things struck me. First it was apparent that something was burdening her, so I asked her if she knew what it meant to pray. She said it was to have a conversation with God, which is right, but the one I wanted her to know was that it’s also to lay down your burdens before God. I wasn’t most spiritually awake yesterday, so I felt bad that I wasn’t myself fully laying down my burdens before God. And I made the logical argument that those people who do not take the risk to open up because they’re afraid they’re not going to get the reaction they need, will never get the reaction they need because they didn’t take the risk. And I thought I wasn’t one of those people, but I am, sadly. I recently took a big risk, and I’m still waiting for a full reaction, and it’s a bit unnerving. But besides that, in general, in life, in social situations, I don’t really fully open up and take risks. I thought I didn’t have this problem, because well I don’t have any problem sharing my prayer requests of all kinds, but when it comes to less serious, and more social and entertainment situations, I don’t, and I don’t really know why. I suppose there are many fine lines that should not be crossed in those types of situations, and I am trying to stay well clear for crossing those lines, instead of pushing right up to it, without crossing it. I don’t know. I had a really good dream this morning. I was sad it was just a dream. I hope it comes true. Though, back in high school, I dreamt that I got into this school and my friend didn’t, but in turned out that day that she got in, and I didn’t. But it all turned out well in the end, didn’t it :)

Application: pray at least 15 minutes, read at least 1 chapter

2016 04 02 QT Ezekiel 30 1 26

QT Ezekiel 30:1-26

April 2, 2016

Verse 26: I will disperse the Egyptians among the nations and scatter them through the countries. Then they will know that I am the LORD."

In today’s QT, God says through Ezekiel exactly how HE’s going to bring His wrath on Egypt. As always, these foretelling is done in hopes that they will repent. And always, all HE really wants is for them to know that HE is the LORD. HE will beat Egypt down to the rock bottom to let them know this, and this isn’t something that HE’s doing out of his ego, but HE’s doing it out of love for the Egyptians, because they need to know that HE is the LORD.

It’s actually not so different from how I got to recognize God and His hand in my life. But I can’t say that I live every day with full knowledge of this. It slips my mind ever so easily as I live in comfort. How important it is, yet I find myself walking away from it. Even this QT, I barely barely got myself to it. Almost started playing a movie before I started this QT, and I probably would have skipped today’s QT had I started that movie. Yet I know the HE is the LORD, and I trust in Him. How difficult it is for people without faith to take that leap. Perhaps the way HE does it, through struggle, is the only way for some people, like me.

Application: read at least 1 chapter, pray at least 15 minutes

2016 03 30 QT Ezekiel 27 1 36

QT Ezekiel 27:1-36

March 30, 2016

In today’s QT, God warns the city of Type through Ezekiel through a song about idolatry of pride. Type was enjoying prosperity without recognizing where it all comes from, so its property went to feed its pride, instead of glorifying God.

In many ways, I’m enjoying prosperity like never before in my life. Of course, there are some things I’m asking God for, but overall, I really can’t complain about anything. I’m in the perfect position to become even more prideful than I already am. Pride itself isn’t bad, but with what I’m prideful is the issue. Am I prideful of the situations I’ve been allowed, or am I prideful of the one who allowed the situations. It should be the latter. I am thankful to God, but I also so easily forget.

Proverbs 16:18 - Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling.

Proverbs 15:33 - Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor.

Pride and arrogance leads to fall and destruction. As opposed to humility before honor. And the key instruction of Wisdom is to fear the LORD. But how to be humble? It’s a really difficult and abstract concept. It’s more than not bragging. It’s more than putting yourself lower than others. It’s more than pretending to be humble.

A quick googling on “how to be humble” lead to 1. Accepting your limitations, 2. Appreciating others.

However, the ultimate definition was in the bible.

Proverbs 22:4 - Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life.

I don’t think it gets anymore clear or explicit than that. God to someone to love, but at the same time, HE is someone to fear. HE is the only one to fear, and there is nothing else to fear.

Application: read some random proverbs

2016 03 28 QT Ezekiel 25 1 17

QT Ezekiel 25:1-17

March 28, 2016

God really wants to be known to everyone that HE is the LORD of all. And to His people, even more so, and not just to know, but to trust and rely on Him. HE will take people down to the brink of breaking to let himself be known. In many ways, that’s how HE revealed Himself to me. At which point, started the first step of my faith. With each enduring step, I get to experience and know Him deeper, and it’s wonderful. Even through all my flaws, HE loves me, and fights for me. Such simple truth, yet so difficult to believe by many, and so easy for me to forget. If only the homeless people in downtown can believe.

Application: write a new letter to the homeless people

2016 03 25 QT Matthew 27 45 56

QT Matthew 27:45-56

March 25, 2016

예수님위 영혼이 떠나실때 성소 휘장이 찢어진것은 주님이 죽음으로 모든 사람이 아담의 original sin 에서 죄사함 받아 이제 모든 사람들이 주님앞으로 나가가 회개기도만으로 죄사함 받을수 있게 된것을 상징한다.

감사할것이 참 많다. 그중에 가장 큰 감사할것중에 하나가 하나님께 직접 나아가 회개하고 죄사함 받을수 있는게 아닌가 생각한다.

하지만 주님께서 열어주신 이 큰 누림을 얼마나 잘 누리고 있는지 돌아본다. 기도를 할수있는것에부터 감사하고 있는지, 아니면 기도할수있는 privilege 조차도 어떤 일이라고 생각하고 힘들어 하고있지는 않은지 돌아본다.

적용: 자기전에 게임하지말고 30분 기도하기

2016 03 24 QT Matthew 27 27 44

QT Matthew 27:27-44

March 24, 2016

Jesus is crucified. Or HE let them crucify him. They ridiculed him saying “He saved others, but he can’t save himself.” The truth is that he can save himself, but chose not to in order to do what must be done for all people. He could have let go and came down from the cross and judged everyone on the spot to their doom, but he chose to die instead to save everyone.

Jesus asks me to do the same, to choose to die to save others. This is tough, but it must be done, if not out of the heart, at least out of the mind, and with the help of the Holy Spirit. I saw something this morning, a homeless man picking up cans and bottles. I have recently stopped giving money to the homeless, because it didn’t feel right, seeing some of them smoke cigarettes as well as saying some nasty things. So, I stopped giving for a little bit. But just because there are a few bad apples, does not mean all apples are bad. There are homeless people who are simply abusing others, but there also seem to be homeless people who are hard at it. When I saw this man this morning, I wanted to give him something, but realized I left my wallet in my apartment. When I went to get it, he was gone. Now that I think about it, this was the Holy Spirit telling me something, and I was not prepared.

Application: read the bible for 30 minutes

2016 03 22 QT Matthew 27 1 10

QT Matthew 27:1-10

March 22, 2016

In today’s QT, Judas realizes his mistake, and hangs himself. If only he knew who Jesus really is, and what he was trying to do, he would have been saved. He just could have gone to Jesus himself and confessed his sin and asked for forgiveness.

I wonder how well I’m confessing my sins to God, and asking for forgiveness in Jesus’s name.

Application: pray for at least 1 hour

2016 03 21 QT Matthew 26 69 75

QT Matthew 26:69-75

March 21, 2016

Peter denies Jesus three times before the rooster crowed just like Jesus said he would, then Peter went outside and cries.

Yesterday was a really tough Sunday. From the starting the day, I was just not feeling it. Everything was just difficult for no reason. I was in a dangerous place in my mind. I compared. I judged. I forgot the sacrifice and the grace I received, and complained in my heart about the sacrifice I was making. I don’t literally have to deny Jesus to deny Jesus. The way I was thinking yesterday is same as denying Jesus. And then as my pastor preached the Word, I saw my sins, and who paid for all of it, and who keeps paying for all of it, and what I’ve been called to do, and why. It amazingly bad how easily I forget these such important things. I could say that I’ve never denied Jesus after I accepted Jesus in my life, and technically, I have never denied Jesus the way Peter did, but I’ve also never been put in truly oppressive situations, but in reality, I deny Jesus countless times every day. Every time I sin in one way or another whether in my actions or thoughts, I’m denying Jesus. The wonderful thing is that Jesus knew all of this, and that is the exact reason HE did what HE did, and like for Peter and for me, HE even continues to give life in Jesus after it all.

On a side note, I think it’s important to not set my QT applications too high. If i set it too high, and don’t complete it, it makes it things a bit more difficult the next day it seems.

Application: make sure the last thing I’m doing each night before going to sleep is reading the bible, not games

2016 03 19 QT Matthew 26 47 56

QT Matthew 26:47-56

March 19, 2016

Judas betrays Jesus in today’s QT, and the disciples abandon Jesus. All of this was God’s will, and Jesus does not resist, and even stops his disciples from resisting.

Most of my life has been a trial and error. Sadly, it seems to be the only way I learn. I’ve never really taken “advice” from anyone and don’t even really give “advice” because if they’re anything like me, they won’t know until life hits them smack in the face anyways, or maybe they’ll find a different way on their own. Who knows? I have much more respect for the Word however, because it speaks with authority. It does offer advice sometimes, but most of the time, it just states things to be the truth and the definitive way with absolute authority and certainty. And I’ve yet to find any of these truths to be not true. However, there’s no clear guide or map as to applying these truths to my daily life. I’m still kind of just on my own to trial and error things out as I go with the Holy Spirit. I wonder if this is better or worse that what Jesus had, knowing the future and what must take place. I guess it some ways, my situation is not all the different from Jesus. I too know some things about the future. I know that I will die someday, and that I will go to heaven. It’s just the different paths in which I get there in the end that is still up for trial and error. My future is so much brighter thanks to Jesus’s suffering. What will I try today?

Application: read the bible for an hour before going to sleep

2016 03 18 QT Matthew 26 31 46

QT Matthew 26:31-46

March 18, 2016

39: “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

“Yet not as I will, but as you will”

God’s plan isn’t always the most peaceful. It’s actually pretty painful most of the time. Even Jesus asks God to take his cup away.

I have a really strong will, and that’s a bad thing because I inherently want bad things. God has the ultimate will, and that’s a good thing because HE wants good things. Every day, in every situation, I am fighting between my will, and His Will. Even things I’ve been doing for some time, like going to morning prayer, doing QT, reading the bible… there’s always at least as little fight between what I want, and what He wants. What I want leads to death, and what He wants leads to life. I know this, I believe this, but I find myself habitually and mindlessly taking the path that leads to death. Even those times that I do take steps towards life, my heart is not always there, and I am just kind of an empty shell just going through the motions. Even so, this is better than nothing. It’s still a good habit at worst.

I didn’t have the burning passion to pray when I went to morning prayer this morning. I didn’t have the burning passion to do this QT, and I don’t have much burning passion to do anything good today, but I did go to morning prayer, I am doing this QT, and I will try to do something good for someone else today when situations come my way, not because as I will, but because what God wills, and because as painful as His will may be at times, it’s the best path, and I trust in Him more than I trust in myself to lead me to and through life.

Application: get cake for J

2016 03 15 QT Matthews 25 31 46

QT Matthew 25:31-46

March 15, 2016

Today’s QT makes me think about the homeless people in downtown. As well as how Wegmans asks for donations. Living in the heart of downtown, I see a homeless people pretty much every day. I’ve been giving them $5 with a letter testifying the goodness of God, and advising them to go to a local church and seek God, but I don’t know if I’m doing any good. Sometimes they lie even though I never even asked them anything. They tell me they’re pregnant, need money for bus, and so on, and I know a few of them by face now, and sometimes I see some of them smoking cigarettes and so on, and I wonder if I just helped them buy cigarettes. I don’t know why I give them money when I never donate when Wegmans asks me. I wonder if I’m doing more harm than good by giving them money, and perhaps it does more good to support an organization that helps these people more in depth. I think I do it because of the passages like today’s passage, because God calls me to treat these poor like I’m treating God, because I do for them is same as what I do for God. Some part of me wants to take them into Dunkin Donuts and buy them a meal instead of just giving them money, and ask them about their life, but I’ve been a little hesitant to do that, and possibly for good reasons. These people are often unstable, there is a risk of something bad coming back to me, but then God would tell me not to worry, so I don’t know. I do what I can. I’m not sure I’m quite there yet to sit down with these people and have a meal and a conversation. Jesus did though.

Application: next time a homeless person asks me for money for food, buy them food

2016 03 14 QT Matthew 25 14 30

QT Matthew 25:14-30

March 14, 2016

What talents has God given me? How am I putting them to use? Am I using those talents for myself? For my own glory? Or to build the kingdom of God?

What I actually do, the actual actions does not determine whether I’m doing something for myself, or for the kingdom of God. What does determine it is the heart behind it. Whether it’s studying, running a business, playing an instrument, or anything someone can do, the heart can go either way.

I see myself hungering for achievements and self-actualization as people call it now and then. I used to a lot more, but now I know that what I really should be and do hunger for is the kingdom of God. Everything else is just given as a side blessing.

Matthew 6:33 - But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

I can testify to this.

Application: finish reading Luke

2016 03 13 QT Matthew 25 1 13

QT Matthew 25:1-13

March 13, 2016

In what ways should I be preparing for second-coming of Jesus like the wise virgins, and not like the foolish virgins? In what ways should I be preparing for my future spouse? I think the preparations are the same for both, which is to continuing to practice stay awake.

Application: get a gift for Tae, prepare NYS sales tax

2016 03 12 QT Matthew 24 36 51

QT Matthew 24:36-51

March 12, 2016

아버지가 페이스북에서 내 큐티를 읽으셨다. 답글까지 다셨다. 감사하다.

오늘 큐티 말씀은 항상 깨어있으라고 한다. 언제 어떻게 주님이 오실지 모르고, 언제 어떻게 나를 부르실지도 모른다. 나도 몇년전에 차 사고로 훅 갈뻔 한쩍이 있었고, 아버지도, 대장암으로 갈뻔하셨고, 또 뇌출혈로도 갈뻔하셨다. 하루 하루가 너무 중요하고 소중하다. 살아있는것만으로도 아직 기회가 있다는것이고, 감사할것이다.

타이밍은 아무리 잘난사람이라도 어떻게 콘트롤 할수가 없다. 전지 전능하여 모든걸 콘트롤 할수있지 않는이상, 아무것도의 결과를 콘트롤 할수 없다. 결국 주님한테 달려있다. 기회가 왔을때 노력하고 잘 해보려고 해야겠지만, 결과는 주님께 달려있다. 만약 내가 원하는 어떤 결과가 내가 원하는대로 되지 않는다면, 모든게 주님께 달려있기 때문에, 그 결과는 사실상 최선의 결과다. 상심할필요 없고, 오히려 새로운 더 좋을길로 이끄실태니 더 기뻐해야 한다.

적용: 아버지랑 화상체팅하기

2016 03 11 QT Matthew 24 35

QT Matthew 24:35

천지는 없어질지언정 내 말은 없어지지 아니하리라

5일만에 큐티를 한다. 새벽기도를 하고, 말씀도 한장씩 읽긴 했지만, 큐티를 할 마음의 여유와 우선순위 없는 생활은 다른걸 느낀다. 그리고 기도의 질도 떨어지는걸 느낀다.

최근와서 이런 저런 내가 힘들어 하고있는일들이 나를 이렇게 말씀과 멀어지게 하는건지, 아니면 내가 말씀과 멀어져서 사실 다 없어질것들을 가지고 힘들어 하는건지 모르겠다. 어찌됐든, 악순환인거 같다. 말씀과 멀어지면 멀어질수록, 삶이 힘들어지고, 삶이 힘들어지면 힘들어질수록 말씀과 멀어지는 악순환에서 살아나올방법은 말씀 밖에 없다. 영원한것들과, 하나님나라, 주님을 바라보며 살아야 하는데, 주님께서 주시는것들을 더 바라보게 되는 나를 돌아보고 회개한다. 주님을 믿어야 하는데, 믿어 왔고, 믿고 있는데, 이런 저런 상황들중에 초조한 내 마음을 돌아보고 회개한다. 감사할것 밖에 없는데, 믿음약한 나를 돌아보고 회개한다.

적용: 하루 살면서 Random 하게 random 한 시편 읽기

2016 03 06 QT Matthew 23 12 22

QT Matthew 23:12-22

19: You blind men! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred?

God is greater than all. Whatever that may appear to be great, God is greater, and is who has made it great. Forgetting this leads to worshipping whatever is great, forgetting the one who made whatever that is great.

For me right now, one thing that I always think would be great is if I had a spouse. It would be great, but I should never it before the one who is greater who made everything and everyone.

Application: read at least 1 chapter before going to sleep

2016 03 05 QT Matthew 23 1 12

QT Matthew 23:1-12

March 5, 2016

In today’s QT, Jesus says to practice what you preach. The word “practice” inherently means that things that are being practiced is a work in progress, always improving, always with rooms to improve. Jesus isn’t telling me to do it perfectly the first-time, every-time. He’s telling me to practice it. Practice is also usually for something, usually for some kind of performance at the end. I wonder if the practice is for the after-life, but it’s also for day-to-day life. Like the QT applications, is a practice. The most important practice is really to get into the habit of consistently eating his Word, praying, and QT. I’m been at them for quite a while, yet, though some things have gotten easier, it’s still quite a battle.

Application: read at least 1 chapter before going to sleep, pray right now

2016 03 04 QT Matthew 22 34 46

QT Matthew 22:34-46

March 4, 2016

37-39: Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'

Couple days ago, I recovered the thankfulness I lost, and it made me realize once again the night and day difference between living a life of thankfulness to God vs. just living a life. The realization came most with spending more and more time around Dawon who’s been sick going through something I can’t even bear to imagine being sick in the same way, and it just made me so grateful for even my basic health which I took for granted. I lose this thankfulness, when I sin, and disobey, and just do what I want. I’m sinful by nature, and it’s impossible for me to not sin, but to repent and recover quickly, save whatever precious life I have left from wasting away. And the road to quick recovery comes from being close with the Word, and praying, even when it doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t matter so much what I read, or what the story is, or what I take away from it. It matters that I’m eating his Word, which is to be in HIM, and which is to let HIM be in me. I think same goes with QT. When I’m doing QT every day, The content isn’t always going to be great, and there’s going to be spelling and grammar mistakes of all kinds, but the point isn’t the content, but point is spending time with God.

Application: prepare for mokjang with God, read at least 1 chapter before going to sleep

2016 03 01 QT Matthew 22 1 14

QT Matthew 22:1-14

March 1, 2016

Today’s QT raised the question why was the guest without wedding clothes punished? The original guests didn’t come, and the party just rounded anyone willing to come, both good and bad, like the gospel. Then it was explained in the QT reflection that back in that time, it was customary for the host to provide wedding clothes to guests, so the man not in the right attire is willfully disrespecting the host. In this care, this too is like the gospel, where the gospel is preached, and people can choose to wear it or don’t.

Christ is my Lord, but my actions do not always match that of actions my Lord wants from me. I’m tough on myself for these things, but at the same time, this is why He is who He is, and came to do what He did. That’s the amazing grace, and in some ways, the worse I am, the greater his grace. But worse I am, the worse it is for me.

Application: read 2 chapters

2016 02 28 QT Matthew 21 23 32

QT Matthew 21:23-32

February 28, 2016

Today’s parable is very confusing to me. I don’t know exactly how the sons saying yes, and not doing it, and no and doing it, relates to John and Jesus, John, coming to show way of rightness, and pharisees not believing him, and Jesus, coming drinking and such, and pharisees also not believing him. Is the parable just meant to say that pharisees don’t believe anything? But why the son who says yes, and doesn’t do it, and says no, then does do it? Which is better? Pharisees think that the son who said no, but did it anyways is the better one. They are right, but the pharisees are the sons who says they’ll do it, but not do it in reality. The tax collectors are prostitutes are the sons who says they won’t do it, but do it.

Am I living a life of true worship? How much do my situations affect me? They affect me physically, and there’s is nothing I can do about that, but should they affect me spiritually? Are my actions in the end actions of true worship? I’ve encountered a sad situation last week, and it’s been a burden on me for like a week. I’ve come to let it go, and let God, but it’s also one of the reasons why this is my first QT in like 6 days.

Some things that were unclear are becoming more clear though. In the end though, God will take me down the best path.

Application: read 3 chapters, pray 15 minutes before going to sleep

2016 02 22 QT Matthew 19 13 22

QT Matthew 19:13-22

February 22, 2016

The young man in today’s QT is trying to earn eternal life. He asks Jesus in verse 16 “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” Jesus answers with 4 things to not do, and 2 things to do, don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, and then do honor parents, and do love others as one loves self. The young man thinks he does all of that, which probably isn’t true. To hate someone is to kill them. To think about someone is a sexual way is to commit adultery. To covet might even be consider stealing, and so on. In reality, no one can pass these do not do commandments, and then there are the do commandments, to honor parents, and to love others, which are tasks that do not have an end. They go on infinitely. The young man, despite this, claims he’s done all of that. Then Jesus says “if you want to be perfect, go, sell all your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” and the young man went away sad because he had great wealth. The young man is contrasted with the children, who the disciples rebuked. Unlike the children, the young man was full of himself. He thought he did everything right, and prideful. Jesus knew this and asks for one thing the young man cannot give up, his great wealth, something he cannot do, to humble him from thinking he’s so righteous. All of this thought starts from the wrong place of wanting to earn eternal life, because eternal life is given not earned. Though, back then, this might not have been the case.

Today’s QT reflection asks what’s holding me back from following Jesus and experiencing His kingdom on earth. I’d like to say nothing, but there are probably some things. Marriage, love, and status are possibilities. These things can hinder me, but in reality, these things are not bigger than God. They’re all under His control in the end. My choice in the matter is not that critical in the end. God will carry out his best plan in the best way possible. What’s important is being awake and walking with God whenever, wherever, however I go.

Application: read 5 chapters, pray 30 minutes

2016 02 20 QT Matthew 18 21 35

QT Matthew 18:21-35

February 20, 2016

Today’s QT makes me think if there’s anyone I haven’t forgiven in my life. I cannot ask for forgiveness from God without forgiving others first.

Application: read 3 chapters, pray 15 minutes before going to sleep

2016 02 17 QT Matthew 17 14 27

QT Matthew 17:14-27

February 17, 2016

Peter speaks too soon too quickly without thinking and without even asking Jesus. Yet, Jesus knows all that has happened, and takes care of it in a way that does not put any stumbling blocks for anyone.

The disciples today are following Jesus for their own objectives. They were filled with grief when Jesus told them what will happen to them. Their faith is for their own. Today’s QT reflection asks who or what is the true object of my faith. The answer is Jesus, but the question also makes me wonder what is the objective of my faith if there can be such a thing. Sure, it’s to save souls, but why? To earn salvation? Because I am commanded to by God? Because I want to? Earning salvation is a no. Can’t earn what’s freely given. I am commanded, but I don’t have to in the end. Sure I want to, but why? Perhaps it’s because I want to be with God. Perhaps it’s not so different from yesterday’s QT when Peter just wanted to build houses up on the mountain and stay with God forever.

Application: live today thinking about why it is that I do anything that I do, read 3 chapters before going to sleep

2016 02 16 QT Matthew 17 1 13

QT Matthew 17:1-13

February 16, 2016

In today’s QT, Moses and Elijah appears and talks with Jesus, then God speaks and says “This is my son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!"

God commands the disciples to listen to Jesus. I know now that the disciples, as saintly as they may appear at first, are all deeply flawed and lacking, even the most faithful of them. They often fail to understand Jesus, and don’t really know what they’re doing. Yet, Jesus chose them, cared for them, and lead them. I don’t think this is any different today for all Christians, including myself. And the best and most important thing I can really do is just to listen to Jesus.

How do I listen to Jesus? He speaks through the Word, through fellowship, through prayers, through situations, but it is in me to want to ignore things that I do not want to see or hear. No one liked to told something they don’t want to hear except the wise. It’s sometimes a little scary to listen because of what I might hear.

Application: read 3 chapters, pray 15 minutes for wisdom to listen to Jesus

2016 02 15 QT Matthew 16 13 28

QT Matthew 16:13-28

February 15, 2016

I can’t help but notice the stark contrast between Peter in verses 17-18 and Peter in 21-24. In 17-18, Peter professes Jesus to be Christ, and Jesus make him the foundation rock for His church, and on verses 21-24, because Jesus said he must die, Peter rebukes Jesus, and then in turn, Jesus calls Peter Satan. It’s kind of funny and sad the state Peter is in. It would appear as though Peter is in good state as a close and loved disciple of Jesus, yet he is so lacking. He only sees Jesus as a savior for his own agenda. That, his own agenda, I think, is yeast from yesterday’s QT. There is God’s agenda, and that’s the gospel, pure and flat true bread of life. Then there is people’s, or my own agendas, that is like yeast that gets inside the gospel, turning it into something else. As a physical human being, there is going to bias in whatever I do, or think, or say. It is impossible for me to be righteous enough that there isn’t any yeast what so ever. What’s important is to keep these yeasts in check, and make sure the bread is not ruined by it, and make sure to not to eat the world’s yeast.

Application: read 3 chapters, pray 10 minutes at 10am.

2016 02 14 QT Matthew 16 1 12

QT Matthew 16:1-12

February 14, 2016

My QT today is too extreme, and too personal, especially since it involves other people, for me to share publicly. I had a weird dream.

But my application today is: to pray for the eyes and wisdom to see the yeast in my heart, and the yeast of the world.

2016 02 11 QT Matthew 15 1 20

QT Matthew 15:1-20

February 11, 2016

Verse 17-19: “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’ For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander."

I am unclean, not that anything comes out of my mouth so often that it is apparent that I’m unclean at heart, but I know what’s in my heart, and what I think about, imagine, and it’s particularly unclean in the sexual immorality department. It’s a tough one to fight. And really when it comes the last day, I have no shot at being clean on my own. I have to be considered clean through the grace of Jesus’ blood and sacrifice, through repentance pretty much every day. That’s the only shot I got, and it’s a very difficult path, but at least there is a path, and for that I’m thankful.

Application: read 3 chapters, pray 10 minutes in repentance before going to sleep

2016 02 09 QT Matthew 14 13 21

QT Matthew 14:13-21

February 9, 2016

In today’s QT, Jesus feeds 5,000 men with five loaves of bread and two fish. It was probably more than 10,000 with women and children. I’ve heard different pastors interpret this in different ways. Although, it’s not explicated stated in today’s verses in Matthew, other gospel credit this initial five loaves of bread and two fish to a child. This initial sharing from a child, started a chain of sharing of everyone who all had some food, which in turn fed everyone. That was one of the interpretation. Another way to interpret this would be physical supernatural miracle. I like the supernatural interpretation, but I think the other interpretation does go to shed some light on how things of God works in some ways. How it’s different from the world, and how we should be like, and how church should be like. It’s very much a losing game if I think individually, but it’s a winning game if I think for the kingdom of God. And in the end, if thought of big enough, it’s also a winning game for myself individually in the end. It’s only when I think small and see short-sightedly after only the very immediate things within my sight that it looks like a losing game.

In life, in Jesus, I am of service to others. This is possibly the toughest thing Jesus asks of his followers. It’s being a living sacrifice. It kills me. And it’s just me and Jesus. Trying to find comfort and love anywhere else is just futile, and I don’t need to, because Jesus is way more, but every day there are evil forces trying to convince me otherwise. I was actually just now kind of lost before starting this QT. It’s unbelievable how easily I forget to be awake.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” - Galatians 2:20

Application: read 3 chapters, pray 10 minutes before going to sleep

2016 02 08 QT Matthew 14 1 12

QT Matthew 14:1-12

February 8, 2016

In today’s QT, King Herod kills John the Baptist. It must have bothered Herodias so much that John was pointing out the unlawful nature of Herodias and Herod that she uses her daughter’s dance on Herod’s birthday to gain a wish, and uses that wish to get rid of John who was speaking the truth. Of course, Herod didn’t have to abide by it, but he didn’t want to lose face, and he also didn’t like John to begin with, so even though he was troubled at the request, he grants it.

John on the other hand is simply speaking the truth, trying to help Herod towards doing the right things, but he is killed instead of being praised.

I don’t know what to think of today’s QT. On one hand, it seems speaking the truth is necessary, but it also seems to unwise at times as no one likes to be told something they don’t want to hear. Only those people who are ready and humble enough to hear it, can even make any sense of it anyhow. So, what do you do in situations like that? Some say say nothing as it can do more harm than good, but John in today’s QT clearly went ahead and said it, and he got killed for it. Perhaps, it’s best to say nothing if I can’t say it without any self-interest. I don’t know.

Application: read 5 chapters and pray 15 minutes right now

2016 02 06 QT Matthew 13 31 43

QT Matthew 13:31-43

February 6, 2016

God reminded me, through my spiritual twin sister Dajungle reminded me that today marks the day we’re 5 years new in Jesus. She was feeling particularly thankful, and I too am very thankful now, though sadly I had forgot about today. I don’t think I forget about my physical birthday, so I don’t know why I forgot about my spiritual birthday, when it’s actually even more significant. I suppose it might be because not a lot of people celebrate their spiritual birthdays. I wonder why.

In today’s QT, the thing that catches my eyes the most is when Jesus says in verse 39: “… The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.” I don’t know why but I thought people are kind of harvesting also, but this verse is saying that we’re just seeds, and maybe the seed will grow into a big tree and flow out love from God. But then Jesus says in earlier verses, in Matthew 9:37, that “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.” I thought that meant that there needs to be more workers, but perhaps He’s just saying laying out the facts and the hardship He is against. Jesus also says in 28:19-20 to “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” which is kind of saving souls from death. Perhaps this is different from the harvesting on the last day. This harvesting is perhaps more about separating the good from the bad inside church.

I was a mustard seed. And after 5 years, I am now like a little sprout. God did this, and HE keeps growing me. God is with me. What more could I want?

Application: celebrate today

2016 02 05 QT Matthew 13 18 30

QT Matthew 13:18-30

February 5, 2015

Today’s QT makes me think about the importance of faith when looking for a wife. Jesus says, through a parable, that not everyone who goes to church is church. This isn’t talking about newcomers just beginning their faith, but it’s saying not everyone who thinks they have faith, actually has faith. And the headache and trouble that comes to marrying someone without faith could end up being a lifelong headache and trouble. And I have to watch out I am not one of those weeds among the wheat.

Application: pray 15 minutes first thing tomorrow morning

2016 02 04 QT Matthew 13 1 17

QT Matthew 13:1-17

February 4, 2016

16: But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.

Jesus speaks in parables, but not everyone gets it. The good news is preached, but not everyone accepts it as the truth. It is truly a blessing to be able to hear the truth, and to really hear it, and to be able to see because the truth has been revealed through faith.

It’s not all rosy. In fact, it’s pretty rough, but there is no other way to life. Life has been given to me. What will I do with it today? I have to think big. Not my own pleasures, but the kingdom of God.

Application: transcribe some more Proverbs

2016 02 03 QT Matthew 12 38 50

QT Matthew 12:38-50

February 3, 2016

50: Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.

God is doing things every day. Anytime a soul is curious or seeks God, God is working in them. At these times, I can either participate and assist however I can, or I might be pursuit my own pleasures. It starts with being spiritually awake just to even recognize when God is doing something.

What is God doing around me today? I see it, but I'm not sure what else I can do besides pray.

Application: go to Wednesday service

2016 02 01 QT Matthew 12 1 21

QT Matthew 12:1-21

February 1, 2016

In today’s QT, the Pharisees confront Jesus and his disciples about working on Sabbath. The verse that that speak the loudest to me in today’s QT is 7: If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent.

I think “I” is God here. And “mercy” is internal things, heart, attitude, inner thoughts and feelings. And “sacrifice” is external things, outward traditions and regulations. Not that sacrifice is bad, but sacrifice in a good sense is an essential part of love, but in this context, where Jesus is taking these Pharisees to school, means these rules about not working on Sabbath. Basically, telling them, worship God in your heart, not in your appearances.

Application: pray 15 minutes at 8pm

2016 01 31 QT Matthew 11 20 30

QT Matthew 11:20-30

January 31, 2016

In today’s QT, Jesus rebukes Koran, Bethsaida, and Capernaum, the places where Jesus performed miracles, claiming that cities worse than them, had they seen the miracles like these cities did, they would be repenting.

In today’s terms, having witnessed miracles puts us in the same position. It may or may not be water turning into wine, or the dead rising, blind seeing, and deaf hearing with a touch of hand, but personally, it's just everything that exists, the life that I've been given, the air that I can breath, the dangers I've been protected from, the hardships turned around, the people changing from inside out, the eyes of see it all, and the list goes on and the grace of it all. If you see it, if you’ve seen it, then you know it, then we’re in the same position as these places in today’s QT, and it's not easy. It's grace we are a witness, but at the same time, we become responsible to repent. To turn back from my own ways, and to turn to God. Without God, it would seem my way is the only way, and the best way, but it only leads to despair and death. Jesus is here, showing me the way, being the way, leading me to life, and being the life.

Application: pray 15 minutes in repentance at 11am

2016 01 30 QT Matthew 11 1 19

QT Matthew 11:1-19

January 30, 2016

In today’s QT, John the baptist, who already proclaimed Jesus to be the one when he was baptizing, sends his disciples to ask Jesus “Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?” and Jesus replies “The blind see, lame walk, leprous cured, deaf hear, dead raised, and the good news is preached to the poor."

John the baptist knew Jesus was the one when the spirit came down on Jesus as a dove, but now, he’s unsure and has to ask Jesus. Jesus say “yes by accounting all the things that are he’s doing.”

I suppose, in my life, when things get busy, and when I’m not quite as awake, and lose track of Jesus, I can wonder and ask questions that are really of no good, but in the end, if I just take a moment to account for all the miracles Jesus has and is doing in my life as well as those around me, there is no question.

Application: transcribe few verses of proverbs, read more than 1 chapter of bible, pray 15 minutes before going to sleep

2016 01 28 QT Matthew 10 16 33

QT Matthew 10:16-33

January 28, 2016

32-33: “Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven."

Today’s QT is calling everyone to live a life of testimonial, and Jesus makes two promises, that He will stand for those before the Father those who stand for Him before men, and He will disown those before the Father those who disown him before men. This is probably the reason why some people would rather be persecuted and die as a Christian, than be forced to renounce their faith before men.

Today, I’m not in such harsh conditions. Most hardship I get is probably being looked at as being weird, so I really don’t have a big problem letting everyone know of my faith. However, I wonder if I still could if a gun was put to my head. I think it might depend on how spiritually awake I am that day, and whether or not I can remember the promises Jesus makes in today’s verses.

So thankful that I am not in such a dire situation, but I do have challenging time of my own trying to live a life according to my faith, as well as trying to spread the gospel to those around me and closest to me, like my father.

Application: call dad

2016 01 27 QT Matthew 10 1 15

QT Matthew 10:1-15

January 27, 2016

너희가 거저 받았으니 거저 주라

오늘 큐티 말씀에 가장 눈에 띄는 말씀은 너희가 거저 받았으니 거저 주라는 말씀이다. 이 말씀은 예수님이 12명의 제자들에게 병든 자를 고치고, 죽은자를 살리고, 나병환자를 깨끗하게 하며, 귀신을 쫓아낼수있는 권능을 주신후, 이러한것들을 거저 받았으니, 거저 주라고 하신 말씀이다.

오늘날 나나 교회나 얼마나 거저 줘야하는지 참 많은 지혜와 성령 님의 인도가 필요한것 같다. 분명 거저 주지만, 줄수있는것에는 한정이 있으니 잘 줘야한다. 그리고 받지 않고 버린다면, 떠나라고 말씀하신다. 또 반면에, 예수님의 잃어버린 영혼들을 포기하지 않으신다. 이렇게 정 반대되는 말씀들 사이에서 어떻게 하고 살아야 하는지는 그때 그때 성령 님의 인도를 의지할수밖에 없다.

참 다양한 사람들이 다양한 문제들을 가지고 살아간다. 다운타운에 살면서 매일 거지분들을 보는데, 이분들을 삶 얼마나 힘들지 모르겠다. 그래도 미국인이니까 정부에서 도움을 받겠지만, 나는 반면에 미국인이 아니어서 힘든것들이 있다. 또 어떤 사람들을 임신을 못해서 힘들어 하는가 하면, 어떤 사람들은 임신을 해서 힘들어 한다. 어떤 사람들은 학교를 못들어가서 힘들어 하고, 또 어떤 사람들을 학교에서 공부하는걸 힘들어 한다. 어떤 사람들이 직업이 없어 힘들어 하면, 또 어떤 사람들은 직업이 있어 힘들어 한다. 다들 감사해야할 마당에 다 힘들어 한다.

나를 포함한 참 여러 사람들의 땅팜과 힘듬 가운데, 나는, 교회는, 어떻게 다양하게 힘들어 하는 다양한 사람들에게 나아가야 하는지 성령님을 의지할수 밖에 없는것 같다.

적용: 감사기도하기

2016 01 26 QT Matthew 9 27 39

QT Matthew 9:27-39

January 26, 2016

28: When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,’ they replied.

29: Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you”;

Jesus heals two blind men in today’s passages. HE first asks them “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” and then HE says “According to your faith will it be done to you”. And they were healed “according to their faith”.

I feel like there is so much here, that’s it’s so difficult to turn into words what’s here, but I know it. Things of spiritual or psychological nature is easy to fit into this. A crazy person who believe there is a monster following them does actually indeed live in a "real world to them" where they are being followed by a monster. But does this substantiate to physical world and supernatural things, like healing the blind? If I am sick, and if I really believe I can and will be healed through the power of Jesus, will I be? I cannot say I have experienced anything like this, but I have so psychologically and spiritually. But why not physically? Do I not believe physically supernatural things can happen? Isn’t the fact anything is even anywhere physically a supernatural thing? Then is it silly to try to turn Coke into Pepsi through faith? What if I really believed, like really believed, and I could heal people or walk on water with my faith? Right now, I can’t, and don’t even try, because I don’t believe that I can. But what if I really did believe that I can?

It seems, every day, I see homeless people walking in front of my apartment, because there is a homeless shelter/hotel two blocks away. Some of them are mentally unstable. It’s so sad that I do not do more for them as would Jesus have. I give them $5 whenever they ask for money, and then give them a little letter I wrote pointing them to Jesus, but Jesus would have ran to these people. I should pray for them more.

Additionally... Do I really believe the things that I am praying for are going to be given when I pray? Do I really believe God will solve my problems I'm laying before him at the end my prayers? I can't quite put a finger on exactly why I do right, and I know why I do, but just can't recall right now why I do, but I do...

Application: start transcription of Proverbs one proverb a day

2016 01 25 QT Matthew 9 14 26

QT Matthew 9:14-26

January 25, 2016

In today’s QT, Jesus performs two miracles. A woman who has been bleeding for 12 years, seeks out and touches Jesus’s cloak believing that such an act will cure her. Jesus notices her faith, and indeed cures her. Then there is a woman who has already died, and there’s already a funeral in progress, but Jesus tells them to go away, sayings she’s not dead, she’s asleep. Other laugh, but Jesus raises her from dead by her hand.

These are indeed miraculous, but so is being sick or dead then being healed or raised back to life in spirit. I know what it’s like to be sick spiritually. I know what it’s like to be dead spiritually. There is no one else, but Jesus who can help heal and bring back to life. I also see other people sick spiritually, and other people dead spiritually. I do what I can, but in reality, only thing I can really do is to point them to Jesus. The bad thing I can do is give up on them and laugh like others did when Jesus was raising that women up from death by the hand. Everyone falls. Everyone needs a helping hand now and then.

Being spiritually awake is so important. Things happen left and right all around me and within me by the devil that tries to kill the life and spirit within me. It’s a pestering battle that has already been won, but one I must keep fighting daily to the end. Even this, I should be joyful and thankful for, as it’s building and refining my faith deeper. It’s really hard to do.

Application: pray 20 minutes at 5pm

2016 01 22 QT Matthew 8 14 22

QT Matthew 8:14-22

January 22, 2016

20: Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

This isn’t about giving up your bed, but rather about priority and where one places trust as my pastor explained this morning. It’s good that I don’t have to give up my bed, and it reminds me of one of the blessings from NYBC, which is take joy in hardships. There’s a huge difference between a person who’s endured hardship and who hasn’t. This is not only true in the spiritual sense, but also in the world.

As I expected, hardships are coming my way, and as much as I’d like to respond with joy, I find myself just naturally wanting to find a way out of it. Today’s QT reminds me to try again and be joyful about everything that comes my way.

Application: finish transcription of John 1

2016 01 21 QT Matthew 8 1 13

QT Matthew 8:1-13

January 21, 2016

In today’s QT, the leper asks Jesus to heal him. The leper asks “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” and Jesus was willing. I see similarities between this is the forgiveness of sin, and I see the way in which the leper submits to the authority and willingness of God.

How much am I submitting to the authority and willingness of God? How much am I repenting and asking to be forgiven for my ways?

Application: pray in repentance

2016 01 20 QT Matthew 7 13 29

QT Matthew 7:13-29

January 20, 2016

Today's qt makes me wonder what kind of fruits I'm bearing if any, and whether or not if I'm walking through the narrow gate, or the wide gate. What do good fruits look like? I think the simplest way to put it are hearts and actions that are valuable in and for the kingdom of God. And the bad fruits would be the hearts and actions that chip away at the kingdom of God.

One might have the hearts, but no actions, and another might have actions, but no heart. Neither of these are good fruits.

There are two ways look at the same thing, and nothing is ever really absolute except for the path to salvation through Jesus. Anything and everything else kind of depends on the situations, and you just have to rely on the holy spirit to guide you. So in the end, it's just really important to be full of holy spirit, and just be as awake as possible.

Application: handwrite a chapter of the bible

2016 01 19 QT Matthew 7 1 12

QT Matthew 7:1-12

January 19, 2016

1: Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

Sounds easy, but it’s so hard. I sometimes see people digging at life spiritually. I do this pretty often too. I think there’s three possible response to this. One is to look at it and ignore it. One is to look at it, and try to sacrifice and love. Third is to look down upon it, and say why is he/she like that again.

Ignoring is the easiest thing to do. It is however sinfully lazy and disobedient thing to do. To love is the most difficult thing to do, as it requires self-sacrifice, and it’s the right thing to do. And the worst thing to do is judge them, and it’s the most naturally inclined thing to do.

The solution to do what needs to be done lies in focusing on God and completing His kingdom, and the treasures being stored in heaven.

Application: do tomorrow’s qt tonight

2016 01 18 QT Matthew 6 25 34

QT Matthew 6:25-34

January 18, 2016

Today’s QT is basically telling me not to worry, but simply seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. Today, I’m started the day with 10 minutes of prayer based on the sermon yesterday, and I plan to do this on days from now on forward on days we don’t have morning prayer together. And now I’m doing QT, and this is before all the work I have to do to rest of the day, which I’ve been pushing off as some of things are a bit overwhelming. One of which is producing a 2015 report and analysis of my business, and then based on that coming up with strategy and plan for 2016, for me, and for my shareholders. Then, there’s the videos to edit. These are the two big things I have to get done as soon as possible, but as important and urgent and these things are, they’re nothing compared to His kingdom. Tomorrow, morning prayer start again, and I so look forward its hardship.

Application: read Amos throughout the day, work on 2015 report

2016 01 17 QT Matthew 6 16 24

QT Matthew 6:16-24

January 17, 2016

제목: 새로운 시작

올해 첫 큐티이자, 한 3주만에 첫 큐티이다. NYBC 에서 받은 은혜로 또 올해를 회개함과, 감사함으로 주님과 조금 멀어진 관계를 회복하며, 나의 focus 와 priority 를 주님과 주님의 나라에 맞추고, 고난을 사랑으로 주님의 나라를 위해 기쁘게 좋게 받아드릴 새로운 마음으로 올해를 새롭게 시작한다.

오늘 큐티 말씀도 너무 좋치만, 먼저 NYBC 에서 받은 은혜들을 다시 생각해본다. 먼져 첫 새미나에서 지용주 목사님을 통해 풀어들은 아모스 말씀은, 회개하라는 말씀과, 또 잘 나가고 있을때 더 잘 해야 하고, 주변 영혼들을 돌아보고, 특히 가난한 이들을 돌봐야 한다는것이다. 이것이 하나님 나라 만들어짐에 있어 중요할뿐더러, 이러지 아니하면 멸망과 심판이 따른다는것도한 중요하다.

두번째는 스가랴 문영범 목사님을 통해 받은 은혜는 스가랴의 여호수아, 더러운옷을 입고 성막에 들어가 죽어야 마땅할 상황에 하나님은 오히려 새로운 옷을 입히시고 면류관을 씌워주셨다는것인데, 내 삶에서는 나의 죄들이 그 더러운 옷이지만, 나에게 회개할때마다 새로운 옷을 입혀주시고, 일으켜 주시는 감사한 주님을 여호수아의 이야기로도 볼수있어 좋았다. 또 스가랴때 주변 새력의 두려움에 성벽을 성전보다 먼저 지을려던 사람들에게 오직 주님과 주님이 이 민족들에게 두려워하지 않아도 되는 왕국의 계획을 믿고 성전을 먼저 지으라고 하신것. 내 삶에서 물질적으로 준비해야하는것들의 priority 와 영적으로 준비해야하는것들의 priority 의 왔다갔다함을 다시 잡아주시는 말씀이였다.

셋째는 지수향 전도사님을 통해들은 세미나 말씀과 전도사님의 삶/성품을 통해 은혜롭게 느낀건, 우리 구원 받은 사람들이 서로 만날때 기뻐할수밖에 없는 이유들을 항상 알고 생각하며 만남에 있어 있는 기쁨이다. 나도 그러고 싶고, 그러지만, 또 사람과 사람 사이에 악의 방해로 그러기 힘든데 그럴 이유를 다시한번 리마인드 시켜주시고, 그렇게 사는 모습을 본보여주시는분을 보여주셔 은혜로웠다.

넷째 항상 sharp 하게 말씀을 전해주시는 송경원 목사님, 올해에는 고린도후서를 통해, 소망은 이 세상에 있지 않다, 고난이 주는 영성, 고난만이 줄수있는 영성, 고난은 좋은거다라는것, 또 천국에 goal 을 두는 삶과, 부활과 하나님 나라의 완성에 goal 을 두는 차이와 그것을 어디게 두느냐에 따라 이기적인 크리스챤이 될수도 있다는 implication 은혜로웠다. 또 이번 NYBC 를 통해 내 삶에 적용할수있을만한것도 알려주신게 Growth of faith 을 accurate 하게 measure 할수는 없지만, estimate 할수있는 몇가지 방법들을 제시하셨다. 예를들어 한해동안 말씀을 몇장읽었는기 keep track 한다면, 다음해와 비교해 더 많이 읽었는지 더 적게 읽었는지 알수있다는것과, 마찬가지로 한해동안 기도를 몇시간했는지, 어떠한 기도제목들이 있었는지, 얼마만큼의 헌금을 하였는지 등등이다. 완벽하게 measure 할수 없지만, 이런것들을 accounting 할수있다면 나의 영적 성장과 상태의 progress and status 를 더 볼수있고 manage & grow 할수있지 않을까 생각되서 올해는 매일 매일 말씀을 몇장 읽었는지, 기도를 몇분했는지, 큐티를 했는지 안했는지, 어떠한 헌신을 하였는지, 헌금을 하였는지, 또 어떠한 기도제목을 주님앞에 드렸는지를 기록하며 살아봐야겠다는 은혜를 받았다.

그리고 마지막으로 항상 재미있게 말씀을 전해주시는 하홍표 목사님을 통해들은 사무엘하. 3명의 주 인물 다윗, 요압, 압살롬. 요합처럼 되면 안된다는 마음을 주시고, 또 다윗처럼 자기가 있어야할 자리를 지키지 않으면 안된다는것과, 또 다윗은 구약에서 성령님이 함께 임하시는 특정인 몇몇중에 성령님을 알고 있었고 성령님이 함께하심의 중요함을 알았다는것이다. 그리고 현제 사회에서는 예수님을 통해 나를 포함한 믿은 모든 성도들에게 성령님이 임하셨고, 그것에 중요함, 성령으로 충만하지 않으면 다른 악한것들로밖에 충만해질수없는 나, 그리고 이 모든것의 바뀜과 완성을 위해 가장 중요한 2가지 예수 & 십자가 은혜를 받았다.

오늘 큐티 말씀중에서 나에게 다가오는 말씀들은, 다른 사람들에게 보이기 위해 금식하지 말라는것과, 이 땅에 보물을 쌓지 말고, 썩어 없어지기 때문에… 그렇치 않은 하늘에 쌓으라것과, 돈과 주님을 같이 섬길수 없다는 말씀이다. 먼저 내 큐티들을 이렇게 인터넷에 올리는것에 대해 생각하게 된다. 2015 NYBC 에서 나의 사역지가 어디냐 물어봤을때, 그중에 한곳은 Internet 이였다. 나의 매일 큐티 하며 살려하는 삶과 내가 쓰는 글들을 통해 누군가가 조금이나마 은혜를 받거나, 믿지 않는 사람이 주님을 한번 더 생각하게 된다면 좋다는 좋은점들이 있지만, 쓸수없는것들 있기도 하고, 또 이것이 다른 사람들에게 보이기 위해 금식하는것 사이에 정말 fine line 이 있지 않나 생각한다. 앞으로 어떻게 해야할지 지혜가 필요한거 같다. 또 사업을 한다는건 돈, 은행, 헌신, 헌금, 돈관리, 시간관리 참 내 priority 가 어디있는지, 내 보물을 어디에 두는지, 항상 점검하면서 살아야 주님을 위해 살지, 순식간에 돈을 위해 살아버리고 있을수도 있는거 같다.

NYBC 을 통해 또 많은 은혜와 결단으로 올해를 새롭게 시작하지만, 분명 또 많이 까먹고, 또 넘어지고, 고난을 피하려 하기만 하는 내가 분명하다. 그럴때마다 주님과 십자가, 또 3일만에 부활하신 주님과 같이 나도 넘어져 죽더라도, 빨리 다시 깨어서 살수있는 내가 되길 간절히 기도해야겠다.

적용: 매일 말씀 몇장읽었는지, 기도 몇분하였는지, 큐티 했는지 안했는지, 어떤 헌신을 하였는지, 얼마만큼의 헌금을 하였는지, 어떤 기도제목이 중심인지, 또 간단한 일기과 한일들을 적기 시작하기

2015 12 29 QT James 4 11 17

QT James 4:11-17

December 29, 2015

일주일만에 큐티를 한다. 크리스마스에, 연말에, 새벽기도도 없고, 잘 놀면서, 다양하게 즐겁고 행복한 시간을 보내며, 감사하게 아주 편하게 지낸거 같다. 새해까지 쭉 좀 편하게 갈까 하다, 그래도 오늘이라도 말씀으로 시작해야지 하는마음에 말씀을 보는데, 주님은 새로운 좋은걸 가르쳐 주시고, 마음을 찌르신다.

오늘 말씀은 내가 내일 무엇 뭇엇을 할것이다 라고 말하는거 자체가 자랑이다 라고 말한다. 꼭 “주님뜻이라면, 내일 나는 무엇 무엇을 할것이라” 말하라고 한다. 어떻게 보면 예수님을 믿고 산다면 당연한 이야기니 생략해도 되지 않을까 생각되지만 오늘 말씀은 꼭 그렇게 말하라 한다. 그렇다면, 친구가 내일 모할꺼냐 물어볼때, 그냥 “모르겠다” 나 “ 모 모 할꺼다” 라고 말하는건 내 자랑인걸까. 주님한테 건방진것일까? 오늘 말씀은 그렇다고 말하는것같다. 앞으로 미래에 대해 이야기할때는 무조건 미래는 주님이 잡고 계신다는걸 빼먹지 않고 말할려고 노력해야겠다.

그리고 17절 말씀은 내가 주님의 일 해야할일을 아는데 하지않으면 그것이 죄지음이라고 말씀한다. 참 힘든 말씀이다. 죄를 짖기 싫다. 하지만 나는 완벽하지 않기에 어떻게 할수가 없다. 그냥 주님 보혈안에서 감사하게 최대한 죄를 적게 지으면 살수밖에 없다. 11절 말씀은 그렇기에 내가 누구를 정죄할수 없다고 말한다. 정죄하는 순간 나는 내 자신을 정죄하는것이다. 그냥 어떻게 할수있는만큼 최선을 다하면서 주님의 보혈을 감사하는것밖에 없는것같다.

과테말라 이누가 선교사님이 로체스터에 오셔서 주일날 간증도 듣고, 또 점심자리에 초대받아 이런 저런 이야기를 들었다. 원래 저녘자리에 끼게되는거였는데, 점심으로 바뀌고, 또 사모님을 통해 작은 헌금을 한적도 있어서, 원래 저녘약속날 전날밤에 여태까지 선교사님이 보낸 이메일들도 다시 훌터보고 보내신 비디오도 다시 봐보고 하며, 이번 크리스마스때 많은 축복을 받았는데, 혹시 주님이 나한테 과테말라 선교지 후원을 원하시는건 아닌지 생각했었다. 그리고 다른대 쓸돈 $1,000 정도 과테말라 사람들 선교에 부을 마음이 없지않아 있었다. 근데 저녘이 점심으로 바뀌는 바람에, 또 어떻게 어떻게 지나가는 분위기에 그냥 있었다. 헌금이란 마음만 있으면 언제든지 할수있는것이다. 물질이 있는곳에 마음이 있다 그랬는데, 또 오늘 17절 말씀은 마음을 찌른다. 근데 주님의 일 해야할일들이 얼마나 많은데, 끝이 없이 크게 많은데, 내가 할수있는 만큼밖에라는건 참 아쉬운일인것같다.

이누가 선교사님이 해주신 여러말들중에 인상깊게 남은게 두가지 있는것 같다. 첫번째는 옛날에 GKYM 에 오신 선교사님이 하신말의 궁굼함을 풀어주시는말이였다. 그때 GKYM에 오신 선교사님은 선교지에서 밥없고 옷없는 아이들에게 주님을 믿으라고 전할때, 이들의 생명을 유지하기위해 필요한 먹을꺼 입을꺼를 주님 믿음안에서 주님이 책임지실것이라는걸 믿음뿐만 아니라 그렇게 믿고 행하고 살고있어야지 이들에게 복음을 전할때 이들이 전해진다라고 말하셨다. 그렇다면 모든걸 포기하고, 이들과 같은 상황에 들어가서, 믿음으로 살고 믿음으로 죽으며 복음을 전해야된다는 말인데, 정말 그런 믿음을 가지고 그럴수 있을지가 의문이였다. 이들과 같은 상황에 쳐해진다는것 내가 자발적으로 그렇게 된다는것 과연 내가 할수있는것인가 생각했다. 그런데 이누가 선교사님이 말씀해주신건 아무리 물질적인 모든걸 다 포기하여도, 이들과 같아질수 없다는것이다. 보이지 않는것들이 있기때문이다라고 말하셨다. 예를 들어 인맥. 아무리 모드걸 다 포기했다고해도, 좋은곳에서, 좋은교육을 받고, 좋은사람들은 벌써 많이 만났기에, 언제든지 선교지를 떠나 돌아가면 괜찮다는 백업이 있고, 이들은 그런게 없다는것이다. 그리고 두번째로 인상깊게 남은건 선교가 힘든게 아니라는것이다. 즐겁고 행복한것이라것이고, 또 어디서든 크리스챤 삶과 다를게 없다는것이다. 그리고 로체스터도 선교지라는것이다. 다 아는거 였지만 선교사님이 그렇게 말하시는건 새롭게 들렸다.

적용: 8시에 30분 기도하기

2015 12 22 QT James 2 14 26

QT James 2:14-26

December 22, 2015

14: What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?

15: Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.

16: If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does noting about his physical needs, what good is it?

17: In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

26: As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

Today’s QT basically says that I have act according to my faith, and that faith must be made complete through actions. Now, I see a common argument that rises from this that is that people trying to figure out if faith alone without deeds can save or not. The reality is that faith naturally cause deeds, so if there is no deeds, one should question oneself if there really is even a mustard seed of a faith.

Looking at my life, are my actions completing my faith? I live in a very privileged situation, and everyone I see and meet day to day, except for the occasional beggars on the street, area also in privileged situation. And it can definitely even be argued that even the beggars are in privileged situation, considering they’re in the US, and they most likely will not die of hunger. Same cannot be said about some other people in other countries.

Being in this type of privileged situation, I question how Christians really should act. Sure, helping someone who is growing in faith get closer to God is good, but I wonder if we are not all turning a blind eye to people in other countries who are suffering, and actually dying of hunger. It’s hard to even start to think about these big problems we all ignore.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow, read Psalms and pray before going to sleep

2015 12 21 QT Proverbs 2 1 13

QT Proverbs 2:1-13

December 21, 2015

1: My brothers, as believer in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism.

12: Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom,

13: because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement!

So, I don’t know how realistic this is. It makes sense, and it’s good, but is it possible to actually practice it in life? If we do, there wouldn’t be beggars, or there would be beggars in my church, beggars in my apartment. But clearly there are risks of danger associated with unstable people. You can get hurt. To not have any judgement is impossible.

Today’s QT is aiming for ideal. It cannot be reached, but perhaps the point isn’t to reach it, and perhaps the fact that we cannot reach it shouldn’t discourage people from striving for it. They’re a saying that goes you reach for the stars, and you end up on a moon. Reaching for this ideal may help us get to a better place than I am now.

How does it feel when I’m favorited for or against? It feels good and it feels bad. When I was younger, I was actually against favoritism, and I was more fair with everyone, but even though some people thought that was somewhat noble, most people though it was robotic. It’s no east asian / Korean culture. It’s funny to verses like these in the bible.

However, as I grew older, I became more and more for favoritism. It was perhaps because I didn’t want to be feel excluded, or wanted to be taken care of, wanted to be more communal. Independence is good, but no one is really independent. We all live together on this planet.

I don’t know. I used to be idealistic, but find myself becoming more realistic as I get older. I’ve come to know too much of my own limitations and flaws that fail even my own ideals every day. I cannot be as generous even what I’d like to be, let alone as generous as God would like me to be. And, I’m just so sorry to God. I take so much advantage of God, yet I have such difficult time letting others take advantage of me.

Ultimately, I’m free of judgment, for the one and only reason that I believe in Jesus and His resurrection, the law that gives me freedom from judgment, so I am free from judgment from all my failings. But I owe my freedom to the one who saved me, and the one who saved me keeps asking me to do better. Not that I have to or I will be condemned, but that I should, for His sake and my sake.

Application: work on Christmas list, do qt first thing tomorrow morning, read a random chapter of Psalms before each meal

2015 12 20 QT Proverbs 1 12 27

QT Proverbs 1:12-27

December 20, 2015

13: When tempted, no one should say, “God is temping me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;

14: but each one is tempted the, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.

This is new to me. I kind of remember learning in 1 on 1 discipleship study that there’s like 3 kinds of tests, and one of them was from God, to see one’s capability of handling more. but this verse says otherwise. Well, I suppose in the case of Job, he was tempted by the devil with permission from God. Does that count as God testing someone? Perhaps testing and tempting are two different things. There may not be any consequences to failing a test, and if you pass a test, it’s a good thing, but if you fall for temptation, there are consequences. The answer to these questions are probably “both, depending on the situation, guided by the holy spirit.” But the it’s something to think about. It’s something I was surprised to see in today’s passages. In any case, if it came down to what I kind of remember learning in 1 on 1 vs what’s in the bible, what’s in the bible is going to win. But in this case, there are both are probably right. Who can fully understand and figure out exactly how everything that seem contradicting works in the bible. They’re both there, because they’re both needed at different times to different people for the right reasons.

In any case, have I been tempting myself? If and when I fall though, doesn’t that impact others? And am I not impacted when others fall to temptations? We stand on our own, but we also stand together. But yesterday’s QT says that I should consider all of this a pure joy, and if I can, others falling and putting stress on me should not tempt me. However, I am tempted since I am not perfect. It must mean that I do not consider all of it a pure joy. But who does? Who can? What can I do? Try my best. Whatever comes my way today, I will try my best to consider it a joy.

Application: read random chapters of Psalms at random times, do qt first thing tomorrow morning

2015 12 19 QT James 1 1 11

QT James 1:1-11

December 19, 2015

2: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

3: because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

4: Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

To be able to take something as pure joy when things that would otherwise come as difficulty is an amazing thing. You can only do this if you’re awake spiritually, otherwise the natural course of thought, emotion, and action is to suffer. But on top of that, today’s QT is giving yet another way to do it, and it is to know that the these tests of my faith develops perseverance.

Perseverance is an interesting character. It says it must finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. I’m not really sure what that means. Why is perseverance’s work to make one mature and complete? I suppose being able to weather through trials makes one stronger and more capable of withstanding more. Kind of like those trees in the highest mountains that become those famous violins.

As much as I’d like to develop my perseverance, become more mature and complete, it would be nice if I didn’t have to… but that’s probably just not how it can possibly go for anyone. Everyone is fighting a battle of struggle.

Application: read random chapters of Psalms, do QT first thing tomorrow morning, start working on the 2nd Christmas list

2015 12 18 QT Proverbs 31 20 30

QT Proverbs 31:20, 30

December 18, 2015

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. - Proverbs 31:20

그는 곤고한 자에게 손을 펴며 궁핍한 자를 위하여 손을 내밀며 - 잠언 31:20

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30

고운 것도 거짓되고 아름다운 것도 헛되나 오직 여호와를 경외하는 여자는 칭찬을 받을 것이라 - 잠언 31:30

오늘 큐티 내용을 보면 현숙한 여인에 대해 설명들이 나온다. 그중에 가장 눈에 띄는것은 20절과 30절이다. 20절은 곤고한자들과 궁핍한자들을 도우는 여자가 좋다고 말하고, 30절은 매력은 거짓되고, 아름다움은 사라지고, 오직 주님을 경외하는 여자가 좋다고 말한다.

나는 과연 이런 사람인가 돌아본다. 또 내가 아는 사람들중 몇명이나 이런 사람이라고 볼수 있는지 돌아본다.

다운타운 살면서 길에서 거지들을 꽤 자주 만난다. 최근에 느끼고 있는건 $1 을 달라는 거지들도 있고, $5을 달라는 거지들도 있고, $20을 달라는 거지들도 있다는거다. 주면서 이런 예수님이 주시는거다 라고 말한다. 그리고 돈을 주고 나면 다양한 반응이 있다. 이거밖에 안주냐 표정을 짖는 $1 받은 사람이 있고, 고맙다고 하나님께 감사하는 $5 받은 사람이 있고, 또 $20을 받고 예수님 이야기 할틈도 아주고 고맙다고 말만 빨리하고 빨리 도망가는 사람이 있다. 정말 다양한 사람들이 있는거 같다. 나는 이 사람들이 각자 어떤 삶을 살았고, 지금 어떤 삶을 살고 있는지 모른다. 나를 포함한 세상은 참 이런 사람들을 가지고 어떻게 해야할지 답을 못찾는거 같다. 아마도 어떻게 해서 풀수 없는 문제인거 같다. 예수님이 유일한 희망인데 어쩌면 이들에게 예수님이 주시는거다 라고 말하는것만으로 부족한거 같기도 하다. 좀 더 구체적으로 이들에게 돈을줄때 예수님을 어떻게 전해야 될지 더 준비해야 하는것 같다. 예수님은 당신이 생각하는것보다 당신을 더 사랑합니다. 예수님을 믿으세요. 가까운 교회에 가보세요. 등등 말해줘야겠다.

근데 이들에 교회에 가면 교회는 어떻게 반응할지 궁굼하다. 예수님은 어떻게 반응 하실까 궁굼하다. 우리 교회에 거지가 오면 어떨지 궁굼하다.

적용: 다음에 거지를 만나면 거지에게 전해줄 돈과 말씀을 봉투에 준비하기

2015 12 17 QT Proverbs 31 1 9

QT Proverbs 31:1-9

December 17, 2015

1: The sayings of King Lemuel — an oracle his mother taught him:

2: “O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows,

3: do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.

4: It is not for kings, O Lemuel — not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer,

5: lest they drink and forget what the law decrees, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.

6: Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish;

7: let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.

8: speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.

9: speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Wow, today’s verses are pretty awesome. Its verses explain plain and simple, and are probably the best verses I’ve encountered in the bible in terms to referring to someone who seeks wisdom about alcohol. And it actually goes beyond alcohol, to things we do to forget our “situations.” I think games, and watching things is another. Certainly people need to wind down, but there is a better way, and that is to seek God.

Verse 3 is referring to “women” in plural form, which is interesting…

Application: keep working on the Christmas list, pray 30 minutes at 6pm, buy breakfast at morning prayer tomorrow

2015 12 15 QT Proverbs 30 8

QT Proverbs 30:8

December 15, 2015

8: Keep falsehood and lies from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.

This verse is a striking one, and also the verses before it are humbling. The author Agur who seems to be pretty wise, knowledgeable, compares himself with God’s wisdom and knowledge and finds himself to be wholly lacking. And then he makes two requests, that he does not lie or cheat, and that he is not made poor nor rich. The first request is easy enough to understand and want the same thing myself, but the second request seems a little tougher to understand, and more difficult to want the same myself. Perhaps I don’t fully understand the reason why he’s making such a request, because I don’t see enough reasons to refuses riches God allows. There are certainly both good things and bad things about being rich, and Agur seems to think that the bad outweighs the good, and doesn’t explain why. I currently think that the good outweighs the bad. What are some good things and bad things about being rich? I suppose I don’t really know. I’ve never really been rich, and never really been poor either. But if I speculate, I’d think that the bad is that there are responsibilities that come with being rich, and you might have more difficult time being humble, might face more temptations, and you might be more lonely. And now that I think more about it, there really isn’t that much good things about being rich besides worldly comforts, which is arguable bad too, but anything really good that I can possibly think to do with being rich, God already does. Perhaps this Agur guy has really figured something out. Even Jesus said it’s extremely difficult for the rich to be saved.

Application: keep working on my Christmas list, do QT first thing tomorrow morning

2015 12 12 QT Proverbs 28 20 22 23 27

QT Proverbs 28:20,22,23,27

December 12, 2015

20: A faithful man will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished.

22: A stingy man is eager to get rich and is unaware that poverty awaits him.

23: He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.

27: He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses.

Today’s QT is telling me to be faithful. Don’t be eager to get rich. Don’t be stingy. Give to the poor. And don’t have a flattering tongue, for it’s worse than rebuking someone, and rebuking someone well is something that rarely happens.

Application: buy dinner, read random chapters of Psalms, contact more friends

2015 12 11 QT Proverbs 28 1 6 9

QT Proverbs 28:1,6,9

December 11, 2015

1: The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.

6: Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a rich man whose ways are perverse.

9: If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable.

These 3 verses are catching my eyes in today’s QT. They make me look at the ways in which I may be a wicked man, in which I may be a rich man whose ways are perverse, and in which I may be turning a deaf ear to the law...

It’s tough to look at my flaws… and I’m not sure what I should about some of these things specifically, but I know what I have to do today. I will just do that, and hope for the best, and leave the rest to God.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow, read Psalms, and contact the friends I set out to contact

2015 12 10 QT Proverbs 27 1 5 17

QT Proverbs 27:1,5,17

December 10, 2015

1: Do not boast bout tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.

5: Better is open rebuke than hidden love

17: As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Today, I am seeing verse one not as fear of what might happen tomorrow, but as a hope of what might happen tomorrow. Sure anything can happen, and it might seem good, or it might seem bad, but in the long-run, it’s all for good. Nothing happens to me that is not God-willing, and whatever God wills will happen to me. The only foolishness and suffering is in when I’m not spiritually awake, do not see the hand of God, and do and say foolish things.

Rebuking with love is one of the most difficult things to do, perhaps more difficult than loving itself, as it requires loving, and then careful sensitivity on top of it. In most all cases, it’s better not to rebuke at all, especially if the person being rebuked is not capable to taking it, as it does no good. And this verse is saying that “open” rebuke is better than hidden love. I’m not exactly sure, but I think rebuking in the open/public is a really bad idea. And this verse is saying that hidden love is worse than this “open rebuke.” I am seeing this verse slightly differently again, and it’s coming in two ways. How I am not expressing it well enough to those I love, as well as situations where I am not supposed to express it. Both of which are bad...

Lastly, verse 17, I look back at last Fall, and all the difficulties, or rubbings with other people I’ve had, and how those have helped to shape who I am right now. I am thankful for those people, and thankful to God for letting them in my life.

This morning, and well yesterday, well on most Wednesday and Thursdays, I go to church a lot, like Wednesday morning service, Wednesday night service, and then Thursday morning service, which makes it 3 trips to church with 24 hour time frame. But yesterday, I was thinking about worshipping, and being at the right place at the right time with the right people, vs. being at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people. As a Christian, I’m called to worship, and there are places I’m supposed to be. I thought briefly about not going to Wednesday night service, but went in the end, and it was good, and this morning, my feet could have been heavier about going to morning prayer, but it was lighter, and I was thankful that I am able to go, and that it’s where I’m suppose to be/go. This is how God blesses. I’m not losing out on anything by going to worship, and being at a place or worship, place where the Word is preached, wherever whenever is what’s supposed to be. And through these, God’s blessings of all kinds flow.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow morning, read random chapters of Psalms

2015 12 09 QT Proverbs 26 13

QT Proverbs 26:13

December 9, 2015

13: 게으른 자는 길에 사자가 있다 거리에 사자가 있다 하느니라

13: The sluggard says, “There is a lion in the road, a fierce lion roaming the streets!"

게으른 자는 길에 사자가 있어서 거리에 사자가 있다고 하는게 아니고, 게을러서 나가기 싫어서 사자 라는 핑계거리를 만들어 낸다.

나는 말씀과 기도 밑 또 내게 맡겨진 일들 앞에서 어떤 핑계거리 들을 만들어 내고 있는지 돌아본다.

이정도면 됐지. 무리야. 너무 멀어. 너무 오래 걸려. 너무 피곤해. 내가 할수있는만큼만 해야지. 등등 다양한 핑계를 덴다.

하지만 모든 핑계 들이 그냥 핑계 들은 아닐꺼다. 진짜 그러고 그래야 하는게 지혜로울때도 분명 있을것이다. 그래서 여러 핑계 들을 잘 구분 할수있는 지혜를 가지는게 중요한거 같다.

토요일날 빙햄튼에서 NYBC Staff Meeting 이 있다. 로체스터에서 3시간 걸린다. 왔다갔다하면 6시간이다. 그리고 미팅도 3-4시간 할텐데… 아무래도 이건 너무 무리인거 같아서 안가기로 했다. 그리고 토요일날밤에 성가대 연습도 있다. 과연 이 미팅을 안가는게 그냥 핑계를 데는건지 아니면 진짜 안가는게 지혜로운것인지 생각된다. 잘 모르겠다.

적용: 시편 읽기, 내일 아침 일어나자마자 큐티하기, 오늘 해야할일들과 하기로한 일들 열심히 하기

2015 12 08 QT Proverbs 26 11

QT Proverbs 26:11

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. - Proverbs 26:11

Making mistakes is part of human, but to repeat those mistakes is just stupid.

I am stupid. I don’t have a solution to this problem. I cannot help myself. My only hope for salvation from my stupidity is following Jesus, and not letting me, stupid, to do anything on my own. This is possibly the single most important and task, and it’s also most difficult as it’s apparently illogical in many ways. Following Jesus… what does that mean? What does that entail? It’s facing death, but also facing life. It’s being a sacrifice, but also being with God. It’s painful, but also joyful. For better or for worse, it’s the only way to be alive and live free.

Application: read some random chapter of Psalms, do QT first thing tomorrow morning

2015 12 07 QT Proverbs 25 14 28

QT Proverbs 25:14-28

14: Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of gifts he does not give.

15: Through patient a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

16: If you find honey, eat just enough — too much of it, and you will vomit.

17: Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house — too much of you, and he will hate you.

19: Like a bad both or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble.

20: Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

21-22: If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.

24: Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

28: Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.

So many good verses in today’s QT, I thought I’d just type out some I liked the most.

I saw something on Facebook the other day talking about something along the lines of “it’s not that you’re asking favors of me that bothers me, it’s that you only seek me when you need favors from me.” It seems like a worldly saying. But I was like that’s so true, and it hurts when people do that to me, but I do that and have done that to other people. Is it just the way it is? It’s sad.

I am thankful and happy that I’m in a position where I can do favors for other people. But oh how much easier it would be for me do them the favors if these people who are asking me for help actually genuinely care about me even just tiniest bit. It’s cruel world. Everyone is after themselves, cares only about themselves, including myself, and there’s no hope for anything better without Jesus.

I’m genuinely sorry to so many people I have received so much help from that I cannot possibly repay in full for what they have done for me. I care about them, but at the same time, I have been unable to because so great is my debt to each one of them. It seems at certain point, it gets to be too much that I am unable to ask for any more help. I’ve been so busy getting my things taken care of, that I have not been able to take care of them. Perhaps this Christmas is the time.

Application: list everyone I’m greatly thankful to and plan something for them this Christmas

2015 12 05 QT Zephaniah 3 9 20

QT Zephaniah 3:9-20

December 5, 2015

Then I will purify the lips of the people, that all of them may call on the name of the LORD and serve him shoulder to shoulder - Verse 9

Today, I am able to call on the name of the LORD, and serve him shoulder to shoulder to with my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus.

In many ways, I take this privilege to able to able call on the name of the LORD for granted, don’t even when I should, but mostly out of habit. This is better than nothing, but it’s not making full use of this privilege. It’s like having the most awesome sword in the universe, but only using it to cook breakfast. I certainly need to eat breakfast every day, but there’s more it can do. It can save lives, my prayer.

Application: pray for 30 minutes at 11 am. Read a random chapter of Psalms. Do Qt first thing tomorrow morning.

2015 12 04 QT Zephaniah 3 1 8

QT Zephaniah 3:1-8

December 4, 2015

If I can just remember and not forget all that God has already done, I can live happy and grateful every moment of my life.

I think good habits are the key of this. Going to morning prayer every day, doing QT every day, takes a lot of energy and a lot of time, but it’s all worth it because they help me remember, and they help me live happy and grateful.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow morning, read a random chapter of Psalms, start editing videos

2015 12 03 QT Zephaniah 2 4 15

QT Zephaniah 2:4-15

December 3, 2015

The dangers of pride… "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble” James 4:6

In today’s QT, God promises to destroy those proud nations because of their pride. I thought a lot about what it means to be humble yesterday, and looked at a lot of definitions, and reflected on some experiences, and what other Christians thought. Couple new things were brought to light. One of them is that part of being humble is being okay with not getting attention for something I have done. It is at these times that God promises grace. There are other graces for other times, but he goes out of his way to promise grace for these times. It’s not the grace that I’m after, but it’s something to think about.

Another thing about being humble is that it’s not just about me and whether or not I’m being prideful or not, but it’s also about what others might perceive as being prideful. This is too bad that it’s this way, but I can say things without pride that might come off to someone as being prideful. This can stir up jealousy in others that does no one any good. This is the scary and something to be extra cautious about.

Today in morning prayer, after going without sleeping, as I had to do perform some server upgrades for my business overnight, I felt many things from God. I don’t know how I so easily lose thankfulness of everything. It’s so absurd. I mean I live by grace each and every day. My situation kind of thankfully forces me, and even without my situations, life in itself is held by the thinnest weakest string that could snap at any moment. On top of this, I’m being blessed in so many ways. Yet, I find myself ungrateful, and taking everything for granted. This is like so upsetting to God, I know this, because this kind of behavior upsets me too when other people take me for granted. As if I’m doing anything on my own.

So thankful right now for everything, yet I’m going to forget when I go to sleep, and wake up. It’s unbelievable. I suppose this is a blessing too.

I’ve thinking about taking a picture, or drawing/painting something, and I didn’t know what to take a picture of or to draw/paint, but something has come up. Something that captures how my life is hanging by the thinnest thread that will remind me every day I live by His grace and His grace alone. That I have to be humble. That I have to be thankful.

Application: read this QT again after I wake up, read random chapter of Psalms before eating lunch, think more about the picture or painting throughout the day

2015 12 02 QT Zephaniah 1 14 2 3

QT Zephaniah 1:14-2:3

December 2, 2015

Seek the LORD, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the LORD’S anger. - Zephaniah 2:3

How do I seek the LORD? How do I be humble? How do I do what HE commands? How do I seek righteousness?

There are many ways to do all these things, but in the end, all of them comes down to, or is rooted in just one way, and that’s Jesus. Without Him, without His grace, there’s no hope, for it doesn’t matter how I might be able to do any of these things, because I’m incapable of meeting even His lowest standard on my own.

And I suppose an even better question to ask is “Who is the LORD?” and the answer is the Jesus is the LORD. Seek Jesus, be humble, obey.

But still, I still do need to seek Jesus, be humble, obey, and seek righteousness. How do I do these things? I’m especially curious about being humble. I think it’s something that gets easily confused with something else. Seeking righteousness is also something that’s difficult to figure out what it is and how do go about it.

Application: look into what being humble is and what seeking righteousness is, read a random chapter in the psalms, do QT first thing tomorrow morning

2015 12 01 QT Zephaniah 1 1 13

QT Zephaniah 1:1-13

December 1, 2015

Verse 6: Those who turn back from following the LORD and neither seek the LORD nor inquire of him.

Previous two verses before this verse talks about other types of people God will wipe out, mainly idol worshippers, but this verse talks about people who don’t care, who don’t give attention to God, or inquire of God.

It reminds me of how I feel when I’m not cared for by someone else, or when no one is giving me attention, or when no one is caring about my thoughts. It’s loveless. And it reminds me how in many situations, I don’t care for someone else, or give them attentions, or care about their thoughts. How loveless I am. It reminds of me of my dad, and how I don’t give him enough attention, being so far away and all.

Yesterday, I got some good news from dad that all the checkups they ran at the hospital came out well, and he’s in good shape, and he doesn’t have to get any other tests for another 6 months.

This morning, I had a weird dream. I’m not sure what to make of it. Perhaps it’s something to inquire God about, even if it’s nothing.

Even though, I have committed to and try to do QT every day, and even when my yesterday’s QT application to do QT first thing today, I was very tempted skip QT today. It must still be something the devil can tempt me at. Can’t wait until NYBC next year when it’ll have been a year since I started doing QT every day, and to look back at all my QTs in 2015, and see what God has done in my life.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow morning, read a random chapter of Psalms, care for some people, go through remaining 6 hours of footages

2015 11 30 QT Proverbs 24 27

QT Proverbs 24:27

November 30, 2015

Finish your outdoor work and get your fields ready; after that, build you house. - Proverbs 24:27

This verse seems worldly, but it turns out it’s biblical. I imagine parents telling the same thing to their children who are madly in love who are unable to see anything else. A few years ago, I would have sided with the children. "I don’t need anything but love" I would have said, but the truth of the matter I see now is that building a house, having a family requires a lot, not just love. I now see that some people realize this truth at a much earlier age than I did. I used to think that was rotten, but now I see I was naive and unwise. I suppose viewing this verse from a woman’s perspective can also seem worldly, or foxy, or rotten, but there’s no shame in this. More I get to know women, the more I see the differences between men, and some people may that it’s sexist, but I think ignoring the differences is sexist. Things are the way they are, and we all play our parts, and we look for parts that complement.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow morning, go through all 8 hours of video footage, and clip out useful clips

2015 11 29 QT Proverbs 24 12

QT Proverbs 24:12

November 29, 2015

If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength! - Proverbs 24:12

Times of trouble tests the strength of a person, and even things. It also tests faith.

Falter means to start to lose strength or momentum, to hesitate, delay, stall, lacking in confidence.

Looking at myself, I wonder how I have been in times of trouble. I definitely faltered many times, but in almost all cases, I at least persisted and persevered. There’s been times of trouble mentally, financially, physically, and faithfully, and there will continue to be greater times of troubles trouble in all these days. Will I falter? How do I not falter? With faith as small as a mustard seed, I can move a mountain. If I have full trust in the LORD, perhaps I have no reason to falter, for HE gives me strength. That is if I can even stay awake spiritually.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow morning. Listen to bible in car.

2015 11 28 QT Proverbs 23 29 35

QT Proverbs 23:29-35

November 28, 2015

29: Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes?

30: Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine.

31: Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly!

32: In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper.

33: Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things.

34: Your eyes will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging.

35: “They hit me,” you will say, “but I’m not hurt! They beat me, but I don’t feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?"

Whatever it is that I’m trying to do... if I am confused, I’m lost, and I will end up where I don’t want to be, and I won’t even know why, because I’ll be confused. I have experienced this first-hand, and I have seen it happen many times in other people. They complain, deep in sorrow and worries, hurt and crying for help, yet with a drink in one hand, their false hope. Nothing can be said to a confused man that will not make the man more confused. Only way to avoid such a trap is to try my best to walk a simple, narrow, and difficult path of following in Jesus. There is no other way.

It saddens me to see people around me caught in those traps. All I can do is pray for them.

Confusion sucks so much. I get confused so easily. It’s not only wine that confuses. In a way love of anything but God confuses. Good habits like doing QT every day has helped me stay less confused, but when I’m confused, it paralyzes me. It makes it difficult for me to step forward as I don’t know what will happen.

In work, confusion comes when I lose focus of the purpose. Other things that take away my focus are usually the cause of these confusions.

Lately, I’ve been realizing how much damage vanity deals. It’s possibly one of the greatest source of confusion in everything that everyone is doing. I'm caught up in it as much as anyone else. How do I break away from it? Death and resurrection with Christ every day.

Life after death. Perhaps a different way to looking at these three words is that I must die with Christ in order for me to have life.

It doesn't matter what everyone else is doing. I don't follow the world.

Application: do QT first thing tomorrow. Write down the purpose of the videos I’ve been working on, and focus on the purpose while working on the videos

2015 11 25 QT Proverbs 21 17

QT Proverbs 21:17

November 25, 2015

He who loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich. - Proverbs 21:17

This is an interesting verse. It doesn’t explain why, but it just states it. It’s like there’s no room for argument against it as if it’s stating a simple truth, a fact, or a rule. Logically, it seems plausible that loving pleasure will lead one to spend money on pleasure, thereby making the person poor, but no such supporting argument is explicitly made. It also doesn’t explain why whoever loves win and “oil?” will never be rich. It just states it. As if it’s stating the speed of light, or the gravitational constant. Is God saying that HE will make someone poor if he loves pleasure? that He will prevent anyone who loves wine and oil from being rich? Or perhaps this verse isn’t talking about money. Maybe it’s talking about being poor or rich in something else.

Does this mean I should dislike pleasure? Dislike wine and oil? I don’t think so, as long as I don’t love them, I should not become poor, or not be rich because I would like to not be poor, and be rich. I think I can easily say I don’t love wine and I don’t love oil, but pleasure? That’s a tough one.

Yesterday, while working on things for my videos, I was thinking about what makes something or someone fun or funny, and there’s no straight answer. Likewise, what makes something a pleasure or pleasurable depends on the person, and their purpose. The purpose it seems is paramount in everything. Without purpose, or with only a shallow self-purporse, things can’t really be anything but confusing. I know the purpose, yet I so often and so easily forget, and end up confused. There’s so much clutter, and so much things to distract me away from what’s most important. I suppose one of that is pleasure among many other things.

With a clear purpose, things are clear. Without a clear purpose, things are unclear. Reading the bible, and praying at all part of the purpose, in preparation for whatever God may send my way.

Application: finish reading 2 Samuel, pray 20 minutes

2015 11 24 QT Proverbs 21 5

QT Proverbs 21:5

November 24, 2015

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty. - Proverbs 21:5

This verse is catching my eyes today, as my heart is unsettled by the fact that almost after 2 months of having embarked on a venture to produce videos that will increase sales for my business, and I’ve yet been able to release anything. I’m not trying to perfect anything, but it does have to be at least “good enough” and it’s not even quite there. Things are getting better, and I feel I’m close, but I’m still not quite getting what I’m looking for.

When it comes to doing a lot of things, I tend to go for speed as I tend to think that something is better than nothing, and that things can always be improved later. Getting it out as quickly as possible so that there’s even something to improve is kind of the concept. One that is very applicable in the startup world, and in a lot of things.

So when I’m seeing something quite opposite in a bible verse, which specifically talks about money with words like profit and poverty, I’m wondering if it’s okay that I’ve yet been able to produce the videos I’ve been wanting produce, or maybe I’m just trying to justify my delays producing the video. I don’t know which one it is. There’s only 1 week left before the Christmas season starts, and I should be able to produce the videos in this time, but at the same time, I’ve been estimating that I’d be able to do this in a week for quite a few weeks now.

In any case, I just have to keep at it, and hope that I will get something that good enough to use soon.

Application: start from the beginning again in producing the videos diligently and not hastely, read 3 chapters of samuel, pray 15 minutes

2015 11 23 QT Proverbs 20 15

QT Proverbs 20:15

November 23, 2015

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel. - Proverbs 20:15

Lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel indeed. Knowledge here is of course the Word. I didn’t know this before, and only felt it recently. It is definitely yet another one of those things to look for in a wife, and something I want to have myself. This can only come from being even closer with the Word.

Application: memorize a bible verse, read 1 Samuel, pray 15 minutes

2015 11 21 QT Proverbs 19 21

QT Proverbs 19:21

November 21, 2015

"Many plans are in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21

As with any combination of words put together as a sentence in the art form of writing, there are many different ways to decode its meaning. Today, I’m seeing a different decoded meaning of this verse, which its common meaning is repeated many times in many places in the bible, a little differently.

Commonly, I read this kind of verse as — I can make all the plans I want, but only what the LORD lets happen will happen.

But a different way to read it — There’s a lot things I might want to do, but what the LORD wants me to do is the thing that will “prevail”, that will “count”, that will “remembered by the LORD”, that will transfer over from this world to the next when I go to heaven.

If read this way, it’s not just about acknowledging God’s will and power that HE exerts on the world and in my life, but it’s also about setting the direction of my heart according to God’s compass in a way that I will do things that matter, and not things that will disappear at the end.

There are so many things that I want to do, that I might do, as well as things I have to do, but which of things are things God wants me to do, and will I have to wisdom, will, and power to do it. “I” don’t on my own, but “I” do with HE who is my wisdom and power. Question is, will I? And that is a choice, the battle. I did in a little way, by starting my Saturday with this QT, but what of the rest of the day? What will I choose to do?

I don’t think everything is so clear cut, and except for sinful things, pretty much anything can be for his glory, and even the sinful things, God has a way to turn it to use for his glory, but some things have painful consequences that should be avoided. Doesn’t mean, I should just do whatever. I’m so natural at being selfish that if I am not spiritually awake and walking with Jesus, it’s so easy for me to do whatever I want without any regard as to His purpose.

Application: read 3 chapters of 2 Samuel, pray 15 minutes, prepare tomorrow’s ppt with joy, go to choir practice with joy

2015 11 20 QT Proverbs 19 14

QT Proverbs 19:14

November 20, 2015

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. - Proverbs 19:14

집과 재물은 조상에게서 상속하거니와 슬기로운 아내는 여호와께로서 말미암느니라 - 잠언 19:14

요즘 아내에 대한 말씀들이 가장 크게 눈에 들어온다. 여러 말씀들을통해 주님이 좋은 아내를 알아볼수있는 기준을 새워주시고 있는거같다. 오늘은 그 기준들중에 슬기로움이라는 기준을 주신다. 어쩌면 여호와를 경외하는자와 같은 기준인거같기도 하다.

일단 먼저 가장 중요한것은 슬기로운 아내는 주님으로부터 온다는 것이다. 그러니 당연히 주님에게 구해야한다. 나는 여태까지 얼마나 어떤식으로, 어떤 기준들을 가지고 구했는지 돌아본다.

나는 여태까지 참 specific 하게, 어쩌면 너무 specific 하게 구하진 않았는지 돌아본다. 주님이 나에게 골라 주실 틈을 전혀 남겨두지 않고 내 주장만 너무 주장하지 않았는지 돌아본다. 그리고 또 어떤 기준들을 가지고 주장했는지 돌아본다.

현재 내 기준은 믿음이 있고, 이쁘면 되는거 같다. 믿음이 있어야 하는건 당연한거지만 믿음에는 여러 크기가 있다. 믿음이 크면 클수록 좋다. 이쁜것도 이쁘면 이쁠수록 좋다. 성경에는 이런 여자가 딱 한명 나오는것같다. 에스더 여왕이다. 이런 아내를 주시면 좋겠다. 하지만 성경 여기저기 새워주신 기준들은 이쁜게 아니다. 오히려 아름다움은 없어진다고 경고하고, 또 매력은 거짓스럽다고 경고한다. 그리고 하나님을 경외하는 아내가 가장 칭찬받을것이라고 말한다. 어쩌면 당연한 말이다. 이 세상 모든것들 다 없어질것들이다. 주님이 기억해주셔 남을껀 주님을 얼마나 사랑했는지다. 또 남편을 머리로 둘수있는여자, 또 오늘 말씀에는 슬기로운 여자, 그리고 전체적으로 남자에게도 해당되지만 self-control, self-discipline 을 잘함등을 좋은 기준이라고 말씀하신다. 앞으로는 이쁨이란 기준을 덜 중요시하고, 말씀에서 주신 기준들을 가지고 구해야겠다.

그리고 내 상황적인 기준도 돌아본다. 지금 미국에서의 내 신분의 상황때문에 시민권을 가진 여자를 구하고 있다. 하지만 주님이 만약 가장 좋은 여자를 보여주시는데 만약 시민권이 없는 여자라면 나는 어떻게 반응할지 생각해본다. 좀 더 어렸을땐 이런 저런 조건을 보는게 참 속물같아보였다. 좋기만 하면 되지 모 그렇게 생각했지만 실제로 여러가지 조건의 어려움들이 앞에왔을때 두 사람이 아무리 좋아도 극복할수 없을수도 있다는걸 느꼈다. 남자와 여자의 사랑 참 우상숭배할만큼 대단해 보이지만 결국 사람이 하는것이라 한계가 있는거 같다. 모든걸 포기할수있는 그런 정말 엄청난 사랑을 하고 싶은 로망이 있지만, 결국 깨어질 우상이라는 안타까움과 아쉬움이 있다. 하지만 모 주님이 주시는 아내가 시민권이 없는 아내라면 내가 모 어떻게 할수있는건 없는거 같다. 그렇게 주신다면 더 큰 뜻이 있으실테니 말이다.

어쨋든 앞으로 이쁨이라는 기준의 중요함을 줄이고, 주님이 주시는 아내에 대한 여러 기준들을 더 중요시 여기고 주님께 아내를 구해야겠다.

적용: 사무엘하 3장읽기, 배우자 기도하기

2015 11 19 QT Proverbs 18 1 24

QT Proverbs 18:1-24

November 19, 2015

There are many so good proverbs in today’s QT that ring true that I don’t know which one to think deeper about, but I suppose if I were to pick one I’d pick verse 22 since it has the word “wife” in it.

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” - Proverbs 18:1-24

I think this verse is saying that finding a wife is good and that it is a favor from the LORD. Oh, I how I hope that my LORD will grant me this favor in His time.

I must be such a difficult child to God. I will be a better child today.

Application: read 3 chapters of Samuel, pray for 15 minutes

2015 11 18 QT Proverbs 17 16

QT Proverbs 17:16

November 18, 2015

Verse 16: Of what use is money in the hand of a fool, since he has no desire to get wisdom?

What does use money have to do with desire to get wisdom? You can’t buy wisdom, or can you? Maybe not in an actual sense, but perhaps spending money wisely gets you closer to God. That’s certainly true. Where I spend money shows where my heart is. Also, where I spend money, is from my heart, but it also leads my heart. Doing one thing that is selfish leads to another thing that is selfish. Doing one thing that saves lives leads to another thing that saves lives.

Who is a fool? In this verse, a fool is someone who has no desire to get wisdom. And this verse is asking the questions, of what use is money to a fool who has no desire to get wisdom. Literal answer is probably things that satisfy his pleasure, boost his ego, things that are vain that promote vanity, and things the nurture the sinful nature in him. All in which cases, the money is being used to destruction of self.

Yesterday, when I was praying, I prayed to know how I am doing. I’m in a bit of a pickle in some ways, and yet things are going very well in some other ways. I pray that I am doing well. I pray that my relationship with God is the of highest importance in my life always. I pray that I can hate sin instead of letting it.

Application: read 3 chapters, pray 15 minutes

2015 11 17 QT Proverbs 17 5 8 9

QT Proverbs 17:5,8,9

November 17, 2015

“He who mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker; whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished.” - Proverbs 17:5

“A bribe is a charm to the one who gives it; wherever he turns, he succeeds.” - Proverbs 17:8

These words are making me think. I encounter homeless people now and then, and I give them some money when they ask for it and I tell them it’s from Jesus as everything I have is from Jesus, but sometimes I don’t have any cash on me, and I just have to walk by saying sorry I don’t have any cash. The other day, I was eating pizza at Spot, and a homeless man came in asking for a dollar. I didn’t have any cash, so I said "sorry I don’t have any cash” but then after he left, I thought I could have given him some pizza, or buy him some food. I was eating a whole medium pizza all by myself. Now, I don’t know to what extent I can keep giving to the homeless, but I have been homeless at one point in my life. I didn’t quite beg on the streets or anything, but I know how cold the world can be sometimes, and I can’t imagine what it must be able to be in a situation where you have to ask for money from strangers, and I think in many ways, that’s a disaster. And there is a sense of thankfulness to God and happiness that I’m not in such a terrible situation and all the things HE is allowing me, but at the same time, I think this thankfulness borders on gloating if my heart is unwilling to share what HE has given me with joy. I have to remember where everything came from and why it came.

I think the verse on bribery is a true one, but also must be kept within safe domain. I don’t think this verse means all bribery of all kinds are okay. I think it’s more about giving first, rather than a contractual bribery of specific exchange of things for certain action. The intent behind the bribery is perhaps more important. To save life, or for self-interest.

Application: do something, even a small thing, if and when God puts homeless person in front of me. Read at least 3 chapters. Pray 15 minutes.

2015 11 16 QT Proverbs 16 20 32

QT Proverbs‬ ‭16:20, 32‬

November 16, 2015

“Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord."

"Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”


요즘 몇일동안 큐티를 안했다. 어디에 정신을 팔고 살았는지 참... 안타깝다.

오늘은 이 3구절이 내 마음을 만진다. 말씀을 따르는자가 잘살고, 주님을 믿는자가 축복받는다고 한다. 사실인걸 알고 믿으면서도 그렇게 살기 참 힘든거같다.

어제 설교 말씀이 마음에 깊게 다가왔다. 말로만 하는 사랑... 내가 요즘 주님께 하는 사랑이 아닌가 싶다. 그리고 말로만 받는 사랑 그 기분을 알게 해주시는 주님... 여러 영혼들을 섬기다보면 나한테 고맙다고 "말" 하는 사람들이 있다. "말" 만이라도 참 고맙지만 항상 말만 듣다보면 그냥 “말” 뿐인가 생각하게 된다. 차라리 그렇게 “말” 만하면 될꺼 이런 저런 약속을 하는 영혼들이 있다. 그런 약속을 왜 하는지 참... 지키지 못할꺼면 안할꺼보다 못한데.. 생각된다... 그리고 또 이런 생각하다 보면 내가 고마워하는 사람들에게 나또한 고맙다는 "말"밖에 못하는 나의 부족함을 돌아본다. 항상 나중에... 내가 좀 더 여유로워 지면... 내 자신에게 이런 말을 하고 미루고 또 미루는거같다...

사랑은 “말로만” 되는게 아닌걸 느낀다. 사랑에는 희생이 따른다. 그런데 너무 희생하기 싫다.

주님을 사랑하는것도 마찬가지이다. 주님을 “말로만” 사랑하는 나를 보고 마음아파하신다. 주님을 사랑하는거, 내 이웃을 사랑하는것도 있지만, 우선으로써 말씀과 기도로 주님과 더 깊은 교제를 해야함을 느낀다. 내가 갈곳, 살곳, 돌아갈곳, 말씀과 기도밖에 없다.

오늘 말씀에는 patient person 이 되는게 warrior 되는거 보다 좋고, 또 self-control 을 하는 사람이 도시를 점령하는 사람보다 좋다고 나온다. 이것이 나에게도 해당되는 말이지만, 내 배우자에게서도 찾아봐야할 character 중 하나이지 않을까 생각이 된다.

적용: 말씀 3장 읽기, 15분 기도하기

2015 11 10 QT Proverbs 13 20

QT Proverbs 13:20

November 10, 2015

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” - Proverbs 13:20

It’s good to be around people of faith/wisdom. It rubs off. It’s encouraging. And it helps to guide in the right direction in times of trouble whether I know it or not. And the same goes the other way. It’s damaging to be around those without faith/wisdom. It also rubs off. It’s discouraging even when I know I shouldn’t be discouraged by them. It requires a lot of love, and when I’m shaky, I can’t rely on them for support.

However, I can’t just avoid people without faith, and surround myself with people of wisdom. That’s not what Jesus did, or wants. There has to be a balance based on the strength of my faith.

As for my future wife, and for me as a future husband, we both need to be faithful/wise helping each other grow stronger in faith/wisdom. However, this is so hard, both to find someone like this, as well as becoming/being someone like this. It takes three miracles for this to happen. Only God can make these miracles happen.

Application: shoot at least 2 hours of video even I end up throwing everything away

2015 11 08 QT Proverbs 12 4

QT Proverbs 12:4

A wife of a noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

November 8, 2015

What is noble character? What is disgraceful?

The dictionary definition for adjective noble is 1. belonging to king’s family, 2. having high moral principles and ideals. Some chemicals like Helium, Neon, and called noble gases because they are orderless and colorless gases with low chemical reactivity.

Perhaps it means someone who belongs to the King Jesus’s family by grace. And perhaps disgraceful is someone who does not accept this grace.

How do I tell the presence of or the lack thereof faith in someone? Or the strength of someone’s faith? How do I do the same of my own self?

Jesus will determine at the end, and will separate the flock within church.

Application: ask these questions to friends at dinner

2015 11 04 QT Proverbs 10 1 16

QT Proverbs 10-1-16

November 4, 2015

NLT 12 Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offences

12절을 묵상해본다. 수련회 목사님 말씀이 기억나 몇가지 다근 번역들들 찾아보았는데 몬가 NLT 버전이 몬가 가장 마음에 다가오고 실용적인거같다. 특히 뒷쪽에 love makes up for all offences 라는 말이 몬가 크게도 또 작게도 적용되는것이 많은것같다. 다른 버젼 NIV 같은 경우는 love covers all wrongs 아니면 ESV 에서는 love covers all offences 라고 나온다. KJV 에서는 love covereth all sins 라고 나온다. 몬가 이 바로전에 말한 미움은 conflict, quarrels, and strife 를 일으킨다는 말을 봤을때 몬가 사랑은 그런말에 맞춰 몬가를 그런 conflict, quarrels, and strife 의 해결책이 나와야하지 않나 생각된다. 그래서 몬가 NLT 버젼의 makes up for all offences 라는 말이 그냥 covers all wrongs or all sins 라는 말보다 나에게 더 실용적으로 다가오는것같다.

Quarrels, 말다툼, conflicts, 의사충돌, strife, 힘듬 등은 다 offences, 잘못함을 쉽게 일으킬수있는 상황들이다. 이런 어떠한 잘못을 한 상황에서는 특별히 사랑이 모든 잘못가 죄를 커버한다는 말은 몬가 너무 광대하고 또 잘못함을 받아주는 사람의 입장에서 봐야하는것같다. 하지만 NLT 버젼의 love makes up for all offences 는 몬가 잘못함들을 통한 상쳐들을 치유할수있는 방법을 제시하는것같다. 사랑을 잘못한것들을 괜찮게 한다는 말이다. 나는 이걸 잘못한 사람입장에서 매우 실용적인거 같다. 무엇인가 어떤 다른 사람한테 잘못을 했을때 흔히들 미안하다는 말을 한다. 하지만 이 미안하다는 말들을 보통 그냥 말뿐일때만이 많은것같다. 보통 사람들을 미안하다는 말을 하고 죄책감에 주늑이 들어 더 불편한 상황을 만든다. 잘못을 하고, 그것때문에 더 잘못하게 되는셈이 악순환의 싸이클이다. 이때 답은 오늘 말씀이 아닌가 생각된다. 옛날에 내가 내 사촌동생에게 무엇인가를 잘못한적이 있어 이 동생이 방에 들어가 문을 잠구고 나랑 대화를 안한적이 있었다. 이때 어떻게 그럴 생각을 했지는 모르겠지만 밖에 나가 과자들을 사가지고 와서 방은 문을 두드리고 과자들을 주고 화회을 했다. 그때 그 사촌 동생이 나한테 물어봤다. Is this a peace offering? 그래서 그렇다고 했다. 그리고 특별히 별로 다른말 없이 다시 사이가 좋아졌다.

크게보면 하나님과 우리의 사이에도 같은 상황이여서 예수님이 peace offering 이 되셔야 했던게 아닌가 생각된다. 내가 주님께 잘못했을때 내가 주님께 드릴수 있는 peace offering으로 드릴수 있는건 없다. 모든게 다 주님으로부터 온것이다. 고작 드릴수 있는건 내 마음/사랑 밖에 없다. 하지만 몬가 희생이 따라야지 offering 이라고 불릴수있기에 벌써 당연히 드려야하는 내 마음/사랑만 가지고는 offering 할수없다. 그래서 하나님께 죄를 한번도 지으시지 않은 예수님이 peace offering이 되셔서 나와 주님 사이를 회복시켜주셔야했다. 그 덕분에 나는 희망을 가지고 살수있다.

내가 살면서 나는 누구에게 어떤 잘못을 하면서 살고 있을까? 사실 전에 사촌동생에게 내가 무슨 잘못을 했는지 끄대도 정확히 몰랐던거 같고, 지금도 모르는거 같다. 아마 지금 물어보면 사촌동생도 자기가 그때 왜 삐쳤는지 모를꺼같다. 하지만 그때 잘못한 내가 그냥 죄책감에 싸여 아무것도 하지 않았다면 아마 더 안좋아질수도 있었을꺼 같다. 오늘 말씀처럼 그때 사랑으로 과자라는 peace offering 을 주고 내 잘못함을 make up 할수있었다.

어떻게 보면 너무 당연한건대, 왜 나를 포함한 수많은 사람들이 이런 방법을 모르고, 몬가 사람들끼서 서로 잘못했을때나 하나님께 잘못했을때 죄책감의 악순환에 빠지는지 모르겠다.

어쪄면 잘못을 반복하다보면, 그 말은 진짜 미안한게 아니여서, 진짜 회개한게 아니어서 그 죄책감을 극복하지 못해서 일까. 주님은 무한하게 용서를 해주신다. 그리고 우리에게도 무한하게 영서받는것처럼 무한하게 용서하라 하신다. 물론 이걸 악용하는 사람들이 있다. 이들은 답이 없다. 형제자매로써 권면을 하고 계속 용서하는방법밖에 없다. 그렇게 하라고 하셨기 때문에. 하지만 이렇게 악용하는 사람들을 나또한 악용하고 싶게 만드는 경향이 있는거 같다. 하지만 그렇게 악용하는다는다는 반듯히 그 댓가가 따를것이다. 그래서 누가 어떻게 하던 나는 주님이 하시라는대로 해야한다. 오직 이 방법 하나가 은혜로운 삶을 살수있는길이다.

적용: 내가 몬지 몰라도 잘못한 사람에게 peace offering 가져가기

2015 11 03 QT 2 Thessalonians 3 1 18

QT 2 Thessalonians 3:1-18

November 3, 2015

Verse 6: … keep away from every brother who is idle...

Verse 10: … If a man will not work, he shall not eat

Verse 13: … never tire of doing what is right...

Verse 15: … Yet do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother

오늘 말씀을 보면 형제자매들을 위해 단순히 모든것을 받아준다는건 안좋은거라는 생각이 든다. 그 형제자매들에게 나쁜 습관을 만드는셈이 될수있는것같다. 그래서 교회안에 힘이 빠지게 될수도 있는것 같다. 물론 그렇다고 모듵 사람들에게 Tough love 를 가지고 나갈수는 없는거 같다. 각 사람마다 믿음의 레벨에 맞춰 진심 사랑을 가지고 이해해줄때는 이해해주고, 터프하게 나갈때는 나가야 하는것같다.

라이드를 하면서 느끼는건데 늦는애들은 계속 늦는다. 신입생들이나 새신자가 그런다면 특별히 어떻게 할수있는게 없다. 그냥 희생하고 주님의 사랑으로 덮어줘야하는것같다. 하지만 믿음이 있는 형제자매들이 습관적으로 당연히 나를 계속 기다리게 만들고 서로 배려해주지 못할때 내가 그냥 계속 희생하고 주님의 사랑으로 덮어준다면, 내가/교회가 희생할수있는 만큼의 힘과 사랑이 낭비가 될수도 있는거 같다.

권면하는건 참 힘들고 조심스러운일인거 같다. 그렇다고 아무 권면을 안하다면 모두에게 안좋다. 권면해야할일이 생긴다면 오늘 말씀대로 적이 아닌 형제자매라는걸 기억하고 권면해야겠다.

적용: 집청소하기, 말씀읽기

2015 10 28 QT 1 Thessalonians 3 1 13

QT 1 Thessalonians 3:1-13

October 28, 2015

Recently, I’ve been feeling that love is the most difficult thing to do, yet also it is the very thing that God commanded us to do, which pleases him. It is difficult because it demands self-sacrifice. However, it’s not really self-sacrifice, because God is with those who love and loves them even more. I know this, and I try my best to live this way, but I can only do as much as my faith allows. If I stretch myself too much, I may snap and my faith be in worse position than if I let myself loose a little bit now and then. This is balancing act. It could be seen as making a compromise, but I’m not God. I cannot love infinitely like HE does. If I try, that is probably sin itself trying to earn righteousness. I need wisdom in this balancing act.

Application: keep reading John

2015 10 27 QT Thessalonians 2 1 20

QT Thessalonians 2:1-20

October 27, 2015

요즘 로체스터 제일교회 큐티나눔에 불이 붙은거 같다. 감사하다. 요즘 나를 포함한 많은 영혼들이 땅을 파고있는거 같지만, 그래도 말씀을 붙잡고 살려하는 모습들은 아름답다.

한 일주일 전부터 여러가지로 많이 힘들었다. 지금도 힘들다. 그래서 그런지 왠지 수련회를 통해 엄청난 은혜를 주실꺼 같다는 기대가 된다.

오늘 큐티는 말씀을 전하고 믿는이들 앞에 본이 되어 사는 사도바울과 주변 사역자들의 다른 이들에게 짐이 안됨을 묵상해본다. 이들은 자기와 전혀 상관 없는 사람들을 아버지가 자기 자식들을 대하는거처럼 대한다 그런다. 이것이 정말 얼마나 힘들지 상상도 안간다. 자기 자식들을위해 희생하는것도 힘들텐데, 어떻게 다른 사람에게 그렇게 대한단 말인가. 그것도 자식들이 그나마 효자효녀면 좀 나을지도 모르겠지만, 보통 그 정 반대인거 같다. 다 그런 사람들인데, 그런 나인데, 결국 그런 사람들을 사랑을 한다는건 정말 죽는일인거 같다. 예수님은 그렇게 죽으셨다. 그리고 살아 나셨다. 사람들이 살리지 않았다. 하나님이 살리셨다. 사람들을 그렇게 죽음으로 사랑하셨는데, 사람들은 사랑을 받기만 한다. 하나님은 우리의, 나의 사랑은 원한다. 무한한 사랑을 퍼부어 주시고, 진짜 콩알만큼의 사랑이라도 받으시면 기뻐하시는 하나님인거같다.

요즘 왜 이렇게 사람들의 사랑이 고픈지 모르겠다. 내가 주님의 사랑받아 사랑하는걸 내가 사랑하는걸로 착각해서 일까? 나는 주님의 사랑의 통로일뿐인데... 항상 주님의 사랑을 다른 사람들/통로로 받기만 하다가 나도 통로가 되어 사랑을 주는게 새로워서일까?

강물은 한쪽으로만 흐른다. 주님의 사랑또한 그렇치 않은가 생각해본다. 사람들을 사랑하는만큼 그 사람들도 사랑해주면 참 사랑이 넘치는 세상이겠지만, 사람들은 사랑을 먹고 땡이다. 그런 나를 지금까지 사랑한 사람들, 다 주님에게 사랑을 받아 사랑한거다. 앞으로 내가 사랑해야할 사람들, 다 주님에게 사랑을 받아 사랑해야한다. 사랑하는데 지치지 않을려면 주님을 더 사랑해야하고, 주님에게 더 많은 사랑을 구하고 받아야 한다.

적용: 요한복음 읽기

2015 10 26 QT Thessalonians 1 1 10

QT Thessalonians 1:1-10

October 26, 2015

Today starts a new chapter of QT with Thessalonians. It seems to be just a nice greetings from Paul, Silas and Timothy to the church of the Thessalonians, who have been doing well before God with great faith. But even for them, there seem to have been severe suffering that came with the faith, but they turned from their idols, and served God faithfully. And this become known to the surrounding areas like Macedonia and Achaia, and served as a model to them.

I wish I can be more like the Thessalonians, and I wish to meet a wife like the Thessalonians. My dad randomly katalked a message this morning. He said “when choosing a wife, don’t choose based on her looks, but based on her act, and I think the best wife is one who can work together.” As a male human being with eyes, looks definitely plays a role, but looks fade, and wife is one for the long-run, so I definitely agree with him. The thing is, it’s easier said than practice, like all things, but I think I’m getting there.

I think it’s important for me to become more like the Thessalonians before I can meet a wife like the Thessalonians. A wife like the Thessalonians, too will want a husband like the Thessalonians, and if I am not, then it won’t matter that I’ve met someone like that.

As hard as I will try, I will not despair because of my failures in many different ways, because in the end, it’s not me and my acts that saves me, but the grace of God that is the sacrifice of Jesus, who picks me up, dusts me off, and lets me try again.

Application: start reading John

2015 10 25 QT Ezekiel 24 15 27

QT Ezekiel 24:15-27

October 25, 2015

In today’s QT, God takes away Ezekiel’s delight of his eyes, his wife. Ezekiel, a prophet, who has been speaking the word of the LORD to the people, has to face and endure this tragic moment. Not only this, but God tell him not to mourn. And all of this is it’s His show, show to the rebellious people, show where the point of the show is that, they, the rebellious people will know that HE is the LORD.

From the point of view of Ezekiel, this is just totally not fair, but what can he do? It’s God. HE made Ezekiel to use however HE wishes, so how can the created complain. But suffering is suffering, but perhaps even suffering can be taken as grace of God. It is after all, still better than death and going to hell. And there is a place in heaven for Ezekiel. And after all, HE is with God, which itself happiness enough ultimately. And the delight of his eyes, his wife, was allowed and given to him by God.

As long as I am with the LORD, and I trust in the LORD, there is no suffering that is too much to bear. Ezekiel recognizes that HE is the LORD, and he obeys God is all that God tells him, and though some very difficult things are being asked of him, he does not complain.

I have some things that I’m going through that I feel is tough, but it’s really nothing compared to what God is asking of Ezekiel, and nothing compared to what suffering of Jesus. I could bitch and moan about it, or I could accept it as grace of God. After all, I’m still alive and well, and HE is with me, and I trust in Him, His Goodness, and His plans. It’s just a little thing that I have to endure a little more, and I’m hopeful to see what HE will do next.

Application: trust in the LORD, and be thankful even for the difficult things, stay hopeful, and do QT first thing tomorrow morning before starting working

2015 10 24 QT Ezekiel 24 1 14

QT Ezekiel 24:1-14

October 24, 2015

In today’s QT, God is about to snap his finger and make everything fall. It seems like it’s the final warning before the snap.

I look at my life, and I’m really pushing it in some parts of my life. It’s almost like balancing on a tight rope between two skyscrapers. Must I live like this? Will I fall to the ground before I get to the end? Will God snap the rope before I can get to the end? I don’t know, but whether I fall off the rope, or get off of it on my own, the result is the same. Where my heart is may be different though. Might today’s QT be a final warning for me to get off the rope on my own before He snaps it? If only I can know for certain...

God made me a certain way. One of those things is that I don’t give up. Good or bad may that be, I gotta do what I gotta to live without regrets. God, give me your wisdom for everything that lays before me.

Application: go to NYBC staff meeting

2015 10 23 QT Ezekiel 23 36 49

QT Ezekiel 23:36-49

October 23, 2015

I have been sick past several days, and on Wednesday, there was a crisis situation with my servers that took everything down for about 5 hours. And I realized that everything, absolutely everything, is hanging by the thinnest thread, which is holding everything together, which no one has absolutely any control over. There can be all the redundancies and back ups in the world, but nothing is invulnerable. And this thread can be cut by God in an instant, and absolutely everything will come crashing down to nothing. My life, my family, my business, everything is all being held together by grace of God, despite how underserving I am of it all.

QT throughout Ezekiel is all about God trying stop himself from snapping that thread on everybody. HE could just snap his finger, and all would come crashing down to nothing, but HE doesn’t, and instead continues to tell us to turn from our sinful ways, and recognize that HE is the LORD.

As simple as it sounds to recognize that HE is the LORD, and as easy as it might be to say it, to believe it and to live it is another story.

These days, especially with my body being sick, there’s little voice inside me constantly telling me to be more selfish, take care of myself first, because no one else is taking care of me. But this is far from the truth. Jesus is taking care of me every second of my life, but I keep forgetting. I keep losing focus of the one who is holding everything together with infinite love, and seek to fill the space for His love with other things.

How do I get out of this mentality?

Application: do QT as soon as wake up tomorrow morning

2015 10 21 QT Ezekiel 23 1 21

QT Ezekiel 23:1-21

October 21, 2015

Today’s QT is telling me not to idolize romantic love, sex, or sweets of lust, because God will turn them against me, and not only destroy those things, but also destroy me through those things.

It seems my heart is inherently geared toward idolizing things. If it’s not this, then it’s that, and so on, it’s natural and easy walk in the park to idolize anything and everything, but it’s a spiritual war to worship Jesus.

I must not worship anything. I must only worship Jesus. He is my everything, and everything else is nothing. This is easy to say, but difficult to believe and live.

Application: Eat Zechariah

2015 10 19 QT Ezekiel 22 1 16

QT Ezekiel 22:1-16

October 19, 2015

삼일동안 큐티를 안했다. 왜 그랬을까. 삼일동안 큐티를 안하고, 말씀을 안읽으니, 삶의 힘듬이 느껴진다. 여러가지 주님의 일들을 하고, 또 예배도 드리고 했지만, 말씀은 안읽으면 영적으로 힘들수밖에 없다는걸 다시 한번 느낀다. 특히 여러가지 일을 하고, 이기적이 사람들을 사랑으로 대하려할때, 내 영이 말씀으로 채워져 있지 않다면, 나도 같이 이기적으로 생각하게되는 나를 돌아본다. 나는 왜 이렇게 이기적인지. 예수님은 어떻게 그렇게 이기적인 나와 모든 사람들을 위해 그렇게 사랑하셨는지... 나도 그러고 싶지만, 사람으로서 어쩔수 없는면이 있다. 내 믿음으로 할수있는만큼까지다. 더 큰 믿음을 구한다.

적용: 볼링치러가기전에 고린도후서 읽기

2015 10 15 QT Ezekiel 20 30 39

QT Ezekiel 20:30-39

October 15, 2015

In today’s QT, in verse 31, God says “As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I will not let you inquire of me."

There are many things God can do to punish, but possibly the worse thing is the “silent treatment.” Or perhaps just leaving, but God says in verse 33 “As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I will rule over you with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm and with outpoured wrath."

That means even the “silent treatment” is a way of trying to bring Israel back to God. If God really didn’t care, HE could just destroy them, but not doing that means they still have hope.

Application: work on script, storyboard, set, take some test videos, and read Amos throughout the day

2015 10 14 QT Ezekiel 20 10 29

QT Ezekiel 20:10-29

October 14, 2015

Verse 29: What is this high place you go to?

What are the high places that I go to?

Just watched a pretty inspiring documentary on Elon Musk, and it’s challenging me to work harder on my work, which is prospering, but also progressing slowly as I’m not working myself to death over it like I used to back in the day when it wasn’t doing quite as well. I’m also working on other areas of my life, the “business of youth” which is also very important.

In today’s QT, like all QT in Ezekiel, it’s about idols, and some things I am susceptible idolizing are entrepreneurship, achievements, romantic love. These things are not bad things, but in fact are pretty awesome, but idolizing it makes it bad. It’s probably because they’re so awesome, that it’s so easy to idolize them.

All things that are idolized seem to get destroyed eventually. Idolizing something is kind of like abusing it, so it’s bound to get destroyed, and God actually goes out of his way to destroy idols. He doesn’t just destroy the idols, he also destroys the idolaters. Perhaps, it’s not even Him destroying the idolators, but idolators destroy themselves through idolizing. Idolizing something breaks the balance in life, and as one thing excels, other things suffer. Even in Elon Musk’s case, his work and achievements is soaring, but his family life is suffering with two divorces.

Part of me wants to be like him, but without the family troubles, but could he had done the things he has done without sacrificing his family life? Is that worth it? One thing for sure is that he doesn’t believe in Jesus. I do. Believing in Jesus, and worshipping Him, keeps me balanced. It’s like impossible to idolize Jesus in a bad way, because it’s not self-centered, and it’s about sacrificing myself for His glory. I mean all Christians should really be idolizing Jesus, but it’s really hard to idolize Jesus. And in some ways, this is kind of what keeps thing balanced, and from destruction.

Anyways, I don’t have the answers to the things that I don’t know. I’m just thinking about some of these things, but in the end, I leave it to God to lead me where I need to go and do, and only thing I really have to do keep him close to my heart by reading the Word, and praying, and do as the Holy Spirit leads, and God will take care of the rest for the best.

Application: happily serve for God’s glory

2015 10 13 QT Ezekiel 20 1 9

QT Ezekiel 20:1-9

October 13, 2015

오늘 큐티 말씀에서는 이스라엘 장로들이 에스겔에게 찾아와 주님의 뜻을 구하는 모습이 나온다. 주님의 뜻을 구하는 이들을 얼핍보면 좋아 보이나, 주님이 이것에 응답하지 않으시고 에스겔에게 이들이 잘못하고 있는것들을 이들에게 권면하라 하신다. 그 이유는 이들은 지금까지 이스라엘 백성들의 리더로서 앞장서서 이스라엘을 우상숭배의 자리로 이끌던 사람들이기 때문이다. 그리고 이들은 말로는 주님의 뜻을 구한다고 하고 있긴 하지만, 사실 진정 주님의 뜻을 구한다기 보다는, 자기 자신들의 계획에 점을 보러 온것이다. 이들은 주님마져 자기들 마음대로 우상숭배를 하고있다. 주님을 주님이 아닌 요술봉으로 보는 이들이다.

에스겔서 20장동안 정말 많이 이런 말씀이 있다. I am the LORD your God. 이 말씀을 왜 이렇게 계속 반복하시는걸까. 오늘 큐티를 하다보니 혹시 주님을 진정 주님으로 받아들이고 있지 않기 때문이 아닌지 하다. 주님을 주님이라고 말로 말하면서, 주님을 요술봉이라고 믿고 살고있어, 주님은 계속해서 나는 주님이다 라고 말씀하시는게 아닐까 한다.

가장 슬픈건 이 말씀들은 이 장로들에게만 해당되는게 아니라, 나에게 너무나도 직접적으로 해당된다는거다. 나도 이 장로들같이 주님을 주님으로 알지 못하고 요술봉으로 알고 살고있는건 아닌지, 또 진정 주님의 뜻을 구하고 내가 주님의 뜻에 참여하기보다는, 내가 내 계획을 하고 주님이 내 뜻에 참여하셨으면 하고있는건 않닌지, 또 주님께 너무 때를 쓰고 있지는 않는지 돌아본다.

나의 많은 우상이 깨졌다. 주님이 부수셨다. 하지만 아직도 많은 우상들을 가지고 있다. 8절 말씀 “they did not get rid of the vile image they had set their eyes on, nor did they forsake the idols of Egypt” 을 보며 나의 우상들을 다시 한번 생각해본다. 흔히 우상하면 떠오르는 우상들... 돈, 지식, 경험, 능력, 학력, 등등이 있다. 하지만 최근와서 느끼는거는 남자와 여자 사이의 사랑또한 우상이 될수있다는것에 놀랐다. 사랑인데 어떻게 안좋을수가 있지 생각했지만, 사랑조차도 주님보다 더 원한다면 우상이 되버린다. 그리고 주님은 그런 우상들은 우상숭배할까봐 주지않으신다. 나는 이 남여사이의 사랑을 우상숭배하고 있었다, 그리고 아직도 종종하고 있는 나의 부끄러운 모습을 본다. 오늘 큐티의 장로들은 주님마져도 자기 마음대로 주님을 생각하고 우상숭배하고 있다. 나도 그러고 있진 않은지 무섭다. 아마도 적지않게 그러고 있을것이다. 참 답이 없는 나 이다.

하지만 답은 예수님이다. 나는 최선을 다해 잘할려고 해보겠지만, 나는 본질적으로 완벽하지 못한 존재이기때문에 내 안에서는 답이 없다. 그래서 나를 살리려 예수님이 오셨고, 그 보혈과 감사함 안에서 붙어 사는것뿐이다. 오늘 Deuteronomy 을 다 읽으면서 다시 한번 느낀것이데, 주님과 떨어져서 살수있는 방법은 없다. 주님과 싸운다는건 정말 바보짓이다. 그냥 주님이 이끄시는대로 가는게 유일한 길이자 최선의 길이다. 이 길은 말씀과 기도를 가까이 하라는것외에는 크게 길을 보여주시지 않는다. 앞으로 한달후에, 두달후에 이쪽으로 가고 저쪽으로 가라 보여주시지 않는다. 그저 말씀과 기도로 성령충만하여 믿음으로 하루하루 한걸씩 나가는것밖에 없다. 참 세상사람에게는 이런말이 얼마나 당황스런 말인지 나는 잘 안다. 나도 이제 이렇게 생각하는 내가 당황스럽다. 하지만 그럴수밖에 없는 나 이다. 이렇게도, 저렇게도 둘다 살아본 나는 예전처럼 살라고 해도 그럴수가 없다. 계속 이런 저런 죄에 넘어지겠지만, 예수님 한분만은 놓을수가 없다. 내 안에 답이 없어서, 유일하고 온전한 답을 보내셨는데, 그 유일한 답은 놓을수가 없다.

적용: NYBC 성경표 성경 읽기

2015 10 12 QT Ezekiel 19 1 14

QT Ezekiel 19:1-14

October 12, 2015

I skipped two days of QT. My priorities must have been shaken. I prioritized working, as well as pleasure over the Word and peace of God. Thanks to some long training of doing QT every day for about past year or so, I sense something is wrong, and am trying to reprioritize my priorities.

Anytime God is not my highest priority, I’m essentially idol worshipping. And this is the thing God hates the most, and like in today’s QT, the fall of all the kings of Israel was caused by idol worshipping, so what a dangerous situation I must be in to have wrong priorities.

I’ve long known that “work” is one of the things that can bubble up to the highest priority, among many other things like relaxing, knowledge, experience, but recently, a conversation with a friend revealed something new that I did not think was a thing that I worshipped, and thing that so many people worship in today’s times. And it’s romantic love.

Though romantic love is a kind of love, and there’s nothing wrong with it as long as it’s priority has not taken a place above God, it was new to me to think that love can be a thing of idol worship. Love like that of Jesus’s love, I’m not sure if it can be idol worshipped because it’s so hard, and actually worshipping the love like that of Jesus’s love would be same as loving God, but it requires so much sacrifice it’s so hard to do, but romantic love is sweet, pleasurable, and fun, but unfortunately like all things that are sweet, it does not last. So, the pursuit is just as strong, and it’s easy to confuse happiness with attaining and being in romantic love. It is one of things I currently lack in my life, and it’s good to have it, and it many ways it’s probably needed in some ways, but worshipping it, thinking that it will make me happy, is just not true, and is hurting God.

Application: finish reading Deuteronomy, and start reading NYBC bible reading

2015 10 09 QT Ezekiel 17 11 24

내 감사함은 어디로

QT Ezekiel 17:11-24

October 9, 2015

오늘 큐티 말씀 24절에 이렇게 써있다 “I the LORD bring down the tall tree and make the low tree grow tall. I will dry up the green tree and make the dry tree flourish. I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it."

이 말씀을 읽으니 살면서 어느새 내가 높아져 내 마음에 감사함을 잃었는지 돌아보게 된다. 반복되는 죄때문일까? 내 주변에 나를 시험들게 하는일들일까? 말씀과 기도를 소흘리 해서일까? 너무 편하게 살아서 일까? 주님에게 집중하지 않고, 내가 없는것들에 집중해서 일까? 내가 누군지 어디서 어떤일들을 격고 어떠한 주님의 은혜들을 바탕으로 지금 이곳까지 와있는지를 까먹어서일까? 아마 이 모두 다가 아닐까 생각된다.

내가 누구라고 주님을 옆에두고 내 삶의 모든것의 감사함을 잃고 내 자신을 높이며 사는지 참 어이없다. 어떻게 해서 미국이란 나라에 오고, 어떻게 해서 대학을 졸업하고, 어떻게 해서 대학원을 졸업하고, 어떻게 해서 죽을뻔한 사고를 넘기고, 어떻게 해서 두번이나 죽을뻔한 아버지가 사시고, 어떻게 해서 사업이 성장하고있으며, 어떻게 해서 지금 차를 몰고 다니고, 어떻게 해서 좋은 집에 살고 있으며, 어떻게 해서 맛있을것들을 먹으며, 어떻게 해서 하고싶은 일들을 하고있으며, 어떻게 해서 건강하게 숨쉬고, 어떻게 해서 사랑의 형재자매들과 주님을 예배하며, 어떻게 해서 주님을 알아가고 있는데, 이 와중에 나는 이 모든 감사할 이유를 까먹고 살고 있다. 이... 무슨... 어이 없는 나를 돌아보고 회개한다...

내가 이러는건 악마의 꾀에 넘어가고 있어서 일까? 내가 부족한것들을 가지고 나를 이방향 저방향에서 찌르는 악마의 손길이 종종 느껴진다. 나의 현제 스타더스 문제, 또 나이 31살 크리스챤 남자로서 아직 짝을 찾지 못함에 있는 힘듬들과 기다림 외로움 참 말로는 감사하지만 진짜 감사하고 있는지, 감사할수 있는지 돌아보게 된다. 오늘은 참 특별히 더 감사한 날이였다. 낯에 조용히 사업용 비디오 스크립트를 쓰고 녹음하고 일을 하고있는데 옆집 남자의 바이올린 연습소리가 멈추고 옆집 여자의 신음소리가 나기 시작했다. 참 다양한 생각들과 느낌이 들었다. 부럽기도 하고, 외롭기도 하고, 흥미롭기도 하고, 자극적이기도 하고, 또 나는 나이 서른 하나가 되어 지금 혼자 모하고 살고 있는지 한심하다는 생각도 하고, 또 만약 내가 예수님을 믿지 않았더라면 이런 생각도 했다. 하지만 결론은 주님을 알고 따르는게 결국엔 더 이익이라는 진리에 결론을 내렸다. 지금 현제 부족할지라도, 또 죽을때까지 평생 부족할지라도, 평생 혼자살게 될지라도, 계속 넘어지고 다시 일어날지라도, 주님이 더 좋다라는 결론밖에 나오지 않았다. 또 최선을 다하여 주님이 원하시는대로 살아보리라 하였다. 또 내가 알지못할 깊은 주님의 뜻에 지금은 부족할지라도 주님의 때에 채워주실꺼라는 믿음에 기대할수밖에 없다는 결론이 나왔다. 다 뜻이 있어서 일텐데, 지금 당장 내게 주워지지 않음에 힘들어하는 나의 한심한 모습이 부끄러울뿐이다.

요즘 나를 포함한 내 주변 많은 형제자매들의 영적전쟁에 지쳐 힘들어 하는 모습이 보이는거 같다. 이럴때 특별히 더욱 더 깨어있어 악마와 싸움에 이겨야 할때가 아닐지 생각된다. 하지만 이개 왜 이렇게 힘든지... 빨리 감사함을 되찾고, 죄와 싸워 이기고, 말씀과 기도를 더 가까이, 더 깊이 해야겠다.

적용: 모든걸 진짜 정말 진심으로 감사하며 오늘 하루 살기

2015 10 07 QT Ezekiel 16 53 63

QT Ezekiel 16:53-63

October 7, 2015

Today’s QT foreshadows Jesus’s atonement, and it’s said in verse 63 that we will be never again open our mouth because of our humiliation.

There are some difficult people, but I cannot say anything, for I am an even more difficult person.

What would life be without Jesus. Without a way to reconcile with God through faith in Jesus. Without a way to repent at the heart, and be forgiven, even with the failure to truly turn around for good, for trying, because we are bound to fail one way or another, and so there is no other way to God except through Jesus.

Being hard on myself for failing is stupid. This is what the devil wants. Being kind to myself for succeeding even a little bit through grace and faith in Jesus leads to even more successful life.

Application: email shareholders, work on script, go to Wednesday service

2015 10 05 QT Ezekiel 16 15 34

QT Ezekiel 16:15-34

October 5, 2015

Today’s QT makes me reflect on couple of things. How did I get to where I am today, to be receiving so much blessings, and how am I using all the blessings. And I find myself asking myself, have I become too lazy to love? Have I become too stupid to think anything is mine.

In today’s QT, Israel’s prostitution of her beauty, the blessing God gave Israel, is caused by Israel forgetting where she came from, God. I must never myself forget where I came from. There are some things that I lack, but I’ve already been blessed with so much, and these blessings compare nothing against the greatest blessing who is the LORD. The world would like to say that I worked for it, that I deserve it, that I’m entitled to it, that I can do what I want with it, and I’m scared to find myself think selfishly like this now and then, especially when I’m trying love some people who make it difficult to love, those who probably need love the most. I tell myself I can only do as much as my faith allows, and this is true, but at the same time, since I’ve been praying for greater faith, and perhaps God is sending me ways to practice my faith for stronger faith. Yet I am tired, already very stretched out, if I can do it with joy, perhaps that’s as far as I should go, then just pray for sinfulness and my shortcomings. As much as God loves those who HE wants me to love, HE loves me more. Even the very reason HE wants me to love them is so that I can love Him. It’s a very thin line, and tough to balance. In the end, I can only do as much as my faith allows, but by doing as much as I can at my faith’s limit without losing joy, my faith seems to stretch and grow little by little.

Walking with Jesus isn’t easy, but there’s no other way to walk. You either dig and crawl aimlessly in misery, or walk with Jesus.

Application: clean apartment, fix car, make dinner

2015 10 03 QT Ezekiel 15 1 8

QT Ezekiel 15:1-8

October 3, 2015

Today’s QT makes me think I should be useful to the LORD for his glory. I don’t have to, but I should, and I think I do at least a little bit. Even though, I’m not like going out there actively spreading the gospel, I try my best to live a life of testimony. Though I fail at life in so many ways, I am still His child, and an unique, unrepeatable miracle of God.

Like pretty much every day’s QT in Ezekiel, God wants to be recognized by me. “then, you will know that I am the LORD.” is said so many times that I wonder just how many times it’s said in Ezekiel.

Today’s going to be a busy day. I almost thought about skipping QT today, but I didn’t want to waste today. Today’s two my friends’ wedding, and it’s beautiful. I am happy to take video of their very important and joyful day, and I absolutely need to be spiritually awake.

Application: think about Jesus all throughout the day

2015 10 02 QT Ezekiel 14 12 23

QT Ezekiel 14:12-23

October 2, 2015

오늘 큐티 내용은 아브라함이 하나님에게로부터 소돔을에 있는 사람 50명 30명 20명 10명 이라도 좋은 사람이 있다면 소돔을 파괴하실거냐는 질문을 계속한일을 생각나게한다.

그때는 10명이라도 좋은 사람이 있다면 소돔을 멸하지 않으리라 하셨지만 오늘 큐티에서는 좋은 사람 3명 노아 다니엘 욥이 있더라고 그들의 자손도 구하지 못하려 그들밖에 살지못할거라 하신다.

지금까지 계속 에즈겔 예언자를 통하 예언했듯이 주님은 다시 한번 악한 이들을 마지막으로 돌이켜 보실려고 하는게 보인다. 부모님의 믿음이나 주변사람의 믿음이 아닌 자기 자신만의 믿음을 가지고 구원을 받는것도 지금 내가 살고 있는 현재시대와 같은 상황인거 같다는 생각으 든다.

이들이 악했던 이유, 또 현재시대에 내가 악한 이유는 주님을 주임으로 알지못하고 우상숭배를 하는게 가장 큰 이유인거같다는 생각을 한다. 주님을 주님으로 알지라도, 살다보면 어느세 까먹고 살게되는 모든 우리 사람인거같다. 또 우리 모두 마음부터가 우상숭배하기를 좋아하는 마음을 가진것도 우리 사람인거같다.

내 자신을 돌아보면, 모든지 그냥 좋아해도 될꺼 너무 좋아해서 우상숭배하는 경향이 큰커같다. 물론 주님이 가장 좋치만, 가끔씩 어느 순간 순간때에는 주님을 생각치 못하고 다른것들을 주님보다 더 과하게 좋아해하는거 같은 나를 돌아본다. 그리고 이런게 너무나도 자연스러운게 사람인거 같다. 그래서 성경은 항상 같이 주님을 알라하고 회개하라 하시는것같가. 감사한것은 오늘 큐티에 나온 상황과 현재시대의 상황은 예수님때문에 다른 상황이라는거다. 좋은 사람이 하나도 없기에 모든 사람들이 멸하게 되는 상황을 하나님이 직접 희생하여 하나님과 같이할수있는 길을 열어주셨다. 그리고 성경을 하나님 자체를 주셔 언제든지 하나님을 접할수있게 해주셨다. 말씀을 주신것에도 너무 감사하다.

적용: 하루 살면서 말씀을 조금씩 자주 읽기

2015 10 01 QT Ezekiel 14 1 11

QT Ezekiel 14:1-11

October 1, 2015

So, today's QT, like past couple weeks of QT on Ezekiel is a constant repeating of calling for breaking of idols and recognizing the LORD. While this is super simple, it's also super hard.

Today, on Facebook, a friend of mine shared:

위로 받기 보다는 위로하고
사랑 받기 보다는 사랑하며
용서 받기 보다는 용서하게 하여 주옵소서
우리는 줌으로써 받고 용서함으로써 받고
자기를 버리고 나아감으로써 영생을 얻기 때문입니다.

And it was what I needed to hear, and I took it as a comforting message from God.

Application: read Deuteronomy throughout the day. Pray for 15 minutes at some point in the day.

2015 09 30 QT Ezekiel 13 17 23

QT Ezekiel 13:17-23

September 30, 2015

나는 나의 미래 한치 앞을 모른다. 내일 죽을수도 있다. 아무도 자기 자신의 한치 앞을 모른다. 오늘 큐티에 나오는 예언녀들은 이것을 노려 사람들이 듣고 싶은 미래를 예언하고 홀려 자기 자신들의 이익을 챙겨 주님을 화나게 했다.

내 자신이 나에게 이같은 예언을 하고있진 않은지 돌아본다.

나의 불투명한 미래를 두고 악한 세력들이 내가 사랑하는 이들을 통해 부족한 나의 아픈곳들을 찔러본다. 순간 힘들었지만 감사하데 말씀을 더욱 붙잡고 주님을 다시 한번 믿고 주님의 이름으로 악한 세력은 물러나라 외치며 기쁨을 잃치않고 기도하며 나간다.

하루 하루가 정말 귀중한 시간들이다. 하루 하루 어떻케 보내는지 너무 중요하다. 매일 주님안에서 기쁘게 귀하게 보낼수 있는 시간들이다. 하지만 악한 세력들은 이런 귀중한 시간들을 걱정과 슬픔으로 이기적이고 외롭고 상처의 시간들로 바꾸려 하는게 느껴진다. 한 순간 한 순간 너무 귀중하고 감사하고 좋은 시간이지만 악한 세력의 꾀에 넘어간다면 순식간에 힘든 시간이 된다. 하루 하루 매 순간 순간들을 주님안에서 온전히 누리며 살고싶다. 멈췄으면 하는 시간들이 있다. 아무것도 아닌거 같지만 그냥 그져 기쁘고 감사한 순간들이 있다. 눈물을 흘리게 하는 순간들이 있다. 그져 감사한 순간들 더욱 더 감사한 이건 순간들이 많이 왔으면 한다.

나는 아마도 이기적인 기도를 하고있을것이다. 오늘 말씀의 예언녀들과 별로 다를것 없이 내 유익을 위해 기도하고 있는것들이 분명 있을것이다. 하지만 계속 기도한다. 말씀을 더욱 더 가까이 한다. 무모하지만 지금까지 나를 책임져주신 주님을 믿고 어디 한번 끝까지 가볼것이다. 나란 그릇을 최대한 깨끗하게 하여 주님이 나를 더욱 더 쓰실수 있게 할것이다. 왜 주님의 방법이 이런지 모르겠지만 느끼는것은 말씀과기도로 나아갈때 주님이 직접 내 일을 풀어주시는 주님을 느낀다. 왜 이런지 모르겠고 이해되지 않지만 되는건 되는거고 또 이것이 주님이 원하시는것이니 그렇게 나아간다. 참 세상 사람이 보면, 몇년전 내가 보면 지금 나는 완전 미친사람인거같다. 과연 미친것일까? 이런 내 미래 나는 모른다. 주님밖에 모른다. 그냥 주님이 살라는대로 살뿐이고, 나머지는 주님께 전부 다 맡겨본다. 기대해본다.

적용: 사모님과 깊은 점심 데이트하기

2015 09 29 QT Ezekiel 13 1 16

QT Ezekiel 13:1-16

September 29, 2015

In today’s QT, God makes Ezekiel prophesy against false prophets who are prophesying their own will.

It’s impossible for me to completely remove myself from things I do. I’m tied to my body whether I like it or not. There’s always going to be some bias even when I’m saying or doing things with awareness of Jesus standing right next to me. Sometimes, I think saying and doing nothing is the best to prevent my biases to take effect on what I say or do, but then again, doing nothing when something should be done is a sin itself. It’s tough figuring to what I should say and do. Perhaps it’s tough because I’m trying to figure it out on my own, when answers are already all in the Word. If I speak only the things that are written in the bible, and do only the things that are in the bible, perhaps that’s exactly what I need to do. To do that, I need to know the Word truly well.

The other day, I wish I could have shared a verse with someone when they asked me for a tough request that I felt was not very wise. I failed to share the verse, and instead I just accepted, and it tied me to a situation that I did not even need to be in. But I’m thankful because I trust in the LORD and HE will do what HE will do if it is his will, in his time, and if not, then it wasn’t his will, and I love Him even more.

The Word is the answer, the only answer. There’s no other way. It makes no sense, but it also makes perfect sense, and it’s true. Be close with the Word, and God takes care of the rest. It’s so simple, and so easy, but it makes no worldly sense, but it proves itself true every single time. If only I have greater faith to believe this more to practice it more in my life, how wonderful it would be.

Application: read Deuteronomy throughout the day

2015 09 28 QT Ezekiel 12 17 28

QT Ezekiel 12:17-28

September 28, 2015

I don’t know what to make of today’s QT. Only thing I see is that God really wants me to recognize that HE is the LORD. I understand this, and I think I do this, but at the same time, I find myself concerned about some things. I should able to be happy just with the joy of salvation, and I think I am, but I find myself lacking in certain areas, and feel lacking as if HE is not enough. I must be idolizing something. I must be believing that whatever it is that I feel lacking will change things for the better, but it’s really not. Happiness is a perspective. I can be happy in any situation, as well as be miserable in any situation. So it is not the situation that dictates my happiness. It is only myself and my relationship with God.

Application: think about and break my idols

2015 09 27 QT Ezekiel 12 1 16

QT Ezekiel 12:1-16

September 27, 2015

Some people have eyes to see, but do not see, and have ears to hear, but do not hear, for they are a rebellious people.

I can think of a few people like this, and I can also recall times when I was like this, and today and in the future, I will be like this time to time again and again. This is truly a sad state to be in, and also dangerous.

Yesterday, there was worship seminar by a famous worship leader/pastor, and he shared some wonderful life-awaking, life-awakening things. I love definitions of things because it helps to understand what something really is, and his definition of worship was “meeting God” and that God tells us to worship not because he “needs” worship, but because worship is good for us. It brings back the proper relationship between God and us. And worship isn’t about feeling it. There is feeling in it, but that’s not the point, and we need to choose to worship. Not just when things are good, or things are bad, but always and now. And to worship, to meet God, and even further, to be “used” by God, we have to be clean in our private lives. It’s like using a bowl. We ourselves pick up and use clean bowls in the kitchen for obvious reasons. It’s the same thing, God picks up and uses cleans bowls in His work. If I am a dirty bowl, whatever he pours into me to pour unto others become dirty and wasted. Also, I’m married yet, but marriage is worship, and that we must lead this worship, home is a place of ministry, and to have and be with God between two people keeps us humble. Anywhere we are, if we can imagine that Jesus is sitting next to us, we would abruptly be humble always. The issue is that as much as I want to have this in mind always, I forget. Yet another thing I found valuable takeaway from yesterday’s seminar is that I should greet better. It helps in the ministry of God. If I’m singing in choir in front of church, and someone knows me, it’s more likely that that person will be more interested in listening and receiving grace. It applies to all things in life. I tried to put this to practice today at church, but it was hard. I will have to keep working on this. Lastly, singing in choir, or being part of worship team, it’s about opening the way for the Word and grace, and those who sing has to be aware of this for grace to be released on to them and on to others.

I don’t know why it’s sometimes difficult for me to greet people. I am happy to meet them, but at the same time I don’t know what state they are in. Sometimes they don’t greet back well, maybe that hurts feelings. Or perhaps it’s the state that I’m in, and I’m not very good at faking out a good state. Whatever it is, it’s beneficial for all for me to greet others well, and there’s nothing bad about greeting others well, and most importantly, it helps in being used by God.

Application: greet others well

2015 09 26 QT Ezekiel 11 14 25

QT Ezekiel 11:14-25

September 26, 2015

Today, God showed and pointed out to me all the things that have turned wrong in me, and just how much my happiness relied on situations before my eyes, and not just the LORD himself. I was sad that I was not happy just to have the LORD by my side, but I so dearly yearned for something else as well. In some ways, it’s only natural, but how much a little change of situation got to my feelings of joy of salvation once again showed me just how weak my faith is in Him, and how I am taking for granted all the wonderful gifts God has put in my life, and how selfish me, and my prayers have become past few weeks. I was sad, and in despair, and there was nothing I can do, but to call on Him, and to pray for others, and to just read the Word and rely on the Word, and just hold on to Him with my dear life, and then right there and then, before, during, and after my prayers and time with the Word, HE did things that amazed me, and it shed light on all my flaws, and woke me up spiritually. It was a sign for me from God that HE’s listening, and that I can trust HIM, whatever happens, and all I need to do is to seek HIM, trust HIM, and trust HIM alone. Whatever happens this way or that in little ways is nothing against the hand of God. What HE will, will happen, in His time, in the best of ways. The signs are everywhere if recognized. HE is alive, and well, and HE wants my heart more than how much I want the heart that I want. HE’s been there all my life. HE’s still there, and will always be there. It’s a shame that my faith in Him is still so weak, but HE continues to draw and grow me close to him. HE is amazing.

Application: work on NYBC website, be excited for worship seminar tonight

2015 09 24 QT Ezekiel 10 1 22

QT Ezekiel 10:1-22

September 24, 2015

It’s not about being good. It’s about knowing the truth that HE is the LORD, what that does. I have nothing good in me. I can never truly be good. QT’s on Ezekiel is getting more and more abstract and difficult. Perhaps, not only because the text itself is difficult and abstract, but perhaps I’m letting sin just be in my life, instead of fighting it to the death. Perhaps, I’m just enjoying letting sin win, even though I know it’s really not in the best interest of neither me nor God. Perhaps, I’m taking advantage of grace of Jesus.

There are important things to remember in times like these. God has already won. Ask for and fill myself with the Holy Spirit. Pick up more of God’s work to fill my time with God. And pray to God more often and walk with Jesus everywhere I go.

I am not well. I don’t have a way. All I can do is to rely on the one who has lead me so far. God. I’m sorry. Please lead me.

Application: read the word throughout the day, pray little by little throughout the day

2015 09 22 QT Ezekiel 8 1 18

QT Ezekiel 8:1-18

September 22, 2015

I think today’s QT is about hardened hearts that block out God. Hearts are hardened through sin. Then the heart blocks out God because it thinks it can’t stand before God. This is foolishness and is the trick by the devil. If it was the heart’s holiness that could grant access to God, Jesus would not have had to come. It’s not about what I do, or don’t do. It’s about who I am, and about who HE is. HE is the LORD, and I am His miracle.

Application: read numbers and pray before going to sleep

2015 09 21 QT Ezekiel 7 14 27

QT Ezekiel 7:14-27

September 21, 2015

I skipped QT for past couple of days, and the impact was greater I thought. I didn’t mean to skip, but one thing lead to another, and I didn’t prioritize well. As a result, even though, I had a great time even though I was sick, something significant felt missing.

Today’s QT is continuation of threatening of God’s people by God through the prophet Ezekiel. God does these things to turn the people around, but their heart is hard.

Verse 27, “Then they will know that I am the LORD” caught my eyes today, because it points to why these people are not listening to God, and why they’re about to suffer greatly.

If God is doing all of these things just to let himself be known to me as the LORD, how important must that be. I know HE is the LORD, but it’s so easy to forget as I live my day, and things happen. It just may be the difference between being spiritually awake, or not, whether I am remembering HE is the LORD or not.

Application: remember HE is the LORD throughout the day

2015 09 18 QT Ezekiel 5 1 17

QT Ezekiel 5:1-17

September 18, 2015

QT recently have been about repenting, and I prayed yesterday trying to think of all the wrongs I have been doing, and this morning at morning prayer, I was thinking again, and I’m happy that God has not only forgiven my sins, but also pushed a lot of them out of my life, but I realized that there is still one thing that is there, and that is thoughts, sin of the eye. This doesn’t show anywhere to anyone else, and even to me, but it’s in my mind, and I’ve kind of been just letting it happen thinking I really can’t do much about it. But recently, I had dinner with some friends, and I found myself telling someone that a thought comes to her, she just speaks it out, and that’s a good thing and a bad thing, but that not everyone has some of thoughts in the first place. I think same thing can be said about my thoughts that I’m shameful of, that it’s not something that I can’t do anything about, and one day with prayer with practice, this took will be taken out of my life. I repented of this this morning, but I found myself thinking like that again, and it’s sad because it means I haven’t truly repented. Repent mean to turn around and go the other way. It doesn’t mean just saying sorry to God. It means saying sorry, and turning around, and going the other way, letting go of the old ways.

Application: keep watch on my thoughts

2015 09 17 QT Ezekiel 4 1 17

QT Ezekiel 4:1-17

September 17, 2015

God tells Ezekiel to show and act out what will happen to Jerusalem. It’s pretty brutal what Ezekiel has to do, and shows how much God hated the sins of Israel and Judah.

This morning at morning prayer, pastor said that really bad things are about to happen to them, but God is still trying to save them from that through these prophesies. These are His chosen people.

Today’s is a day to look back on myself and my sins and repent to break any iron barrier there may be between me and God.

Application: pray for 30 minutes sometime during the day thinking of and repenting my sins

2015 09 16 QT Ezekiel 3 16 27

QT Ezekiel 3:16-27

September 16, 2015

Today’s QT is difficult. God called Ezekiel to be watchman for the house of Israel. He was told he must let those know who are doing wrong that they are doing wrong, and that otherwise, God will hold him accountable for their fall.

I think I have to remember that these verses are in the context of the old testament, and that this command is specifically for Ezekiel who has been called to be watchman for the house of Israel. In the new testament, Jesus says things that go both against and for this command to all Christians. It really depends not he situation what one must do, and it is really up to the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

I had an interesting encounter last night. Without getting into specific details, I held my ground against some pressures to do something that I was not right in the eyes of the LORD, and I’m happy that I resisted and did not do the thing that would have made Jesus sad. And everyone had a better time. I didn’t go far as rebuking anyone as today’s QT is suggesting that Ezekiel should do, but I think God was happy with me standing my ground with Him. God is amazing.

Application: finish read all remaining chapters Numbers

2015 09 15 QT Ezekiel 3 1 15

QT Ezekiel 3:1-15

September 15, 2015

I have come to know the sweet taste of the Word, just has Ezekiel in today’s QT. The calling of those who know this sweetness is to pass on the Word to those who do not know this sweetness.

Verse 11 “whether they listen or fail to listen”

I can’t help, but to think about my father who does not have faith in Jesus Christ. I’ve tried to tell him the truth about Jesus in the past and gave up. There’s no logical way to convince him of the truth. It is faith, a gift from God. He’s planning to come sometime in October, and this will be time for me do something, and today’s Word makes me think it starts today with my prayers leading up to that time.

Application: start praying every day for God’s Word to take place in my father’s heart during his travel here in October

2015 09 14 QT Ezekiel 2 1 10

QT Ezekiel 2:1-10

September 14, 2015

Today’s QT, Ezekiel is called to speak the Word of God to his rebellious people. What’s interesting is that God tells him that this is a difficult task and that people may or may not listen, but it doesn’t matter, and that Ezekiel should just speak God’s Word to them. This is interesting because God is telling Ezekiel not to think about the results, whether the people are going to listen to him or not, but just to obey. Whether people listen to him or not is none of Ezekiel’s concerns, but God’s.

I’ve been called to serve in many different ways. I do what I do because I believe it’s what I got to do. I’m also result-oriented. I like to see things come to fruition. I don’t like feeling like I’m running inside a hamster wheel. I’m reminded of feeling I had when I worked for a company. I was trading in my time for a little bit of money to do what they told me to do, and someone higher made some bad decisions, and everything was thrown away, and my work was wasted. I still made money, but none of what I did resulted in anything, and it felt like I had wasted months of my life, or just traded my precious time for a little bit of money. Of course, I did learn these things through these experiences, which is why I don’t want to be in that type of situations. But it’s different when the man upstairs is God. It doesn’t matter if things don’t seem to come to fruition. Important thing is that I’m doing what HE wants me to do. The results from it now, or long time later, or never is up to him, and not of my concern. It takes a miracle for people to change, and I’ve seen people who have changed, and I am one of them. I think posting my QT’s every day, though I missed yesterday, is one of those things I do without concerns of achieving anything. I’ve been called to do it as an act of testimony and ministry, and though it seems like barely anyone reads it, even if no one reads it, God reads it, and I’m with God and God is with me. And randomly, I get people telling me they read it now and then, those without faith, and that’s a good feeling too, but and I would love to see them believe in Jesus as well whether it’s in a few months, or in a few years, but that’s not what I was called to do. I was not called to change people. That’s his domain. I was called to love and to testify, wherever, wherever, however, for the glory of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Application: do the things I have to do today with a joyful and thankful heart

2015 09 12 QT Ezekiel 1 1 14

Ezekiel 1:1-14

September 12, 2015

Today, we start Ezekiel QT. Ezekiel is a priest prophet of Israel during the time of exile of King Jehoiachin under Babylon. Israel’s king for the most part did evil in the eyes of the LORD and led people astray, which lead to Babylonians taking over and enslaving Israel.

God gives Ezekiel is a vision of awe and might. There’s thunder lightning storm with bright lights and four unidentifiable flying creature that is a mix of a man, lion, ox, and eagle, and they’re on fire, and lightning flashed from them.

What does this mean? What was God trying to say to Ezekiel through this vision during Israel’s time of exile and slavery? What is God trying to tell me through these passages today?

I don’t know. As amazingly loving and forgiving as God can be, HE also has this mysterious and mighty side. Even within each creature, there are 4 faces, man, lion, ox, and eagle. I cannot possibly understand God in his entirety. I can only experience Him and learn more about Him little by little each and every day. And that’s more than good enough for me, and just about most I can handle.

Application: take it easy, do laundry, and have some rest today

2015 09 11 QT Philippians 4 14 23

QT Philippians 4:14-23

September 11, 2015

God is amazing me every day, but today, HE’s being especially more amazing in such lovely ways. HE’s touching my heart through so many different people already, I feel so blessed, and the day is just starting. Thank you God for this day. I truly feel that you’re taking care of me especially wonderfully today that I don’t know what I can do but to just rejoice in you. I look forward to seeing what you will do rest of the day, and thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Application: pray for lunch now, and pray for mokjang after lunch, and pray before going to sleep

2015 09 10 QT Philippians 4 8 13

QT Philippians 4:8-13

September 10, 2015

Verse 12: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

What is the secret? I think it’s the joy of salvation through Jesus Christ. It’s all that’s needed to be happy and rejoice in any situation. This also gives strength like nothing else. Which leads to...

Verse 13: I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

The strength to fight my own sinful self. The strength to heal. The strength to love. The strength to forgive. The strength to change. The strength to rejoice. The strength to start again fresh. The strength to wait. The strength to lose. The strength to win. The strength to do “everything"...

The joy of salvation through Christ Jesus.

Application: clean my apartment, make myself a nice & healthy meal

2015 09 09 QT Philippians 3 1 9

QT Philippians 3:1-9

September 9, 2015

오늘 큐티에서는 내가 외우는 구절 6절 7절이 나온다. Do not worry about anything, but with everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds.

내 삶은 참, 좋게 보면 담대한, 안좋게 보면 한숨나오는, 어디 한번 끝까지 가보자 그런 삶인거 같다. 나는 완벽하지 않다. 문제가 많다. 마음에 상처투성이고 아픔과 힘듬과 고집들이 있다. 이렇게 힘든 나지만, 그런 나를 지금까지 이끌어주시고 계속 이끄실 완벽한 주님이 있다. 그래서 주님을 보며 주님을 알아가며 주님이 원하시는대로 내가 할수있는만큼 이상을 노력하며 성장하며 살아갈려고 매일 영적전투를 하며산다. 때론 지치고 힘들지만 나를 알고 때에맞춰 작고 큰 기쁨들과 휴식들을 주시며 나를 계속 훈련시키신다. 나를 앞으로 어떻게 더 쓰실려고 이러시는지 응근 기대도 된다. 그런데 이런 주님을 두고 내 앞에 놓여진 작은 상황들을 가지고 걱정하며 주님을 신뢰못함으로 주님을 슬퍼하게 할수는 없다.

나는 기적들을 간구하고 있다. 간구할수밖에 없다. 당연히 간구해야한다. 간구해봐야아는거고, 지금까지 벌써 많은 기적을 이루신 주님이기 때문에, 문을 두들기고 또 두들기고 또 두들겨봐야 한다. 그럼 주신다고 하셨기에 계속 두들겨야한다. 하지만 간구하며서 한가지 아는것은 만약 주시지 않으면, 더 좋을걸 주심을 안다. 오히려 간구하면서 안주시면 내가 상상치도 못한 더 좋은걸 주시겠구나 더욱 기대한다. 아직 답이 없는것들이 많다. 끝까지 가봐야 안다. 기대하며 간구하는것들의 답을 기다리고, 또 내가 간구하는것들보다 더욱 큰 기쁨인 주님을 기다린다.

알수 없다. 이런것들이 왜 이런지. 오늘 말씀에서도 이개 왜 이런지 이해할수 없을것이다 말한다. 하지만 이개 진실이다. 나는 이개 진짜 이렇다는걸 매일 경험중이다. 하나님, 예수님, 성령님을 경험중이다.

적용: 새기때 기도 열심히 하기

2015 09 08 QT Philippians 3 12 21

QT Philippians 3:12-21

September 8, 2015

Today’s QT is full of good stuff. Just as I read it today’s morning prayer, it spoke to me in a way that is different than when I heard someone share their QT in morning prayer, which also spoke to me. And now as I start to do my QT, I saw yet someone else’s QT that also spoke to me.

What I felt when I read verse 13 was that whatever work I have done for Jesus, I should forget about it and focus on what’s more ahead. When helping someone, there’s a small evil voice in my head that says “I’ve done enough for this person. This person doesn’t help me, and doesn’t even try to make it easy for me to help this person. What am I doing?” But Jesus tells me to forgive infinitely, for he forgives me infinitely. He helps me infinitely. And today’s Word is telling me it doesn’t matter how much I’ve helped this person in the past, or how much work I’ve done for God in the past. Focus on how I can help in the future. Sure, there’s going to be nothing in return from this person, but that’s not why I’m helping anyways. It’s for the glory of the LORD, and there will be reward from the LORD. One reward off the bat is it makes me stronger in Him. Keeping track of all the things I’ve done only gets in the way of doing more. It’s not even me who did it anyways, and it’s not even me who will be doing it. But of course, I’m in the flesh, and things are limited. I should do only as much as I”m happy to do. Developing negative feelings is not good for anyone.

Application: prepare and give everything needed for 2014 corporate tax to my accountant

2015 09 07 QT Philippians 3 1 11

QT Philippians 3:1-11

September 7, 2015

Paul writes in verses 10-11 that he want to know the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his suffering, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining the resurrection from the dead.

I’m reminded of yesterday’s sermon, as well as 1 Corinthians 1:18 which was shared with me yesterday. The message yesterday, in short, was that suffering from believing in Christ, the fellowship of sharing in his suffering, is not only natural, but also good in the eyes of the LORD and good for strengthening someone to be used by God. And this suffering is when you have to lose to others especially brothers and sisters in Christ for Jesus. It’s difficult, but it’s natural, good, and good for me. I recently went through something like this, and I think I just barely passed the test, and now I feel I have grown a little in Christ through that test. It reminds me of 1 Corinthians 10:13.

The verse 11 is the part about resurrection. Paul’s does all of this to “somehow" attain resurrection from the dead. And in the following passages, he says that he has not obtained it, and he continues to move forward to obtain it, not by any logical and sensible conclusion, but because Jesus took hold of him, and he cannot help himself but to hold on to Jesus as well. And like what 1 Corinthians 1:18 says, this is stupidity, and absurdity to those who are perishing, but it is the power of God to those who are being saved.

Application: rejoice in the LORD while taking pictures at the freshmen welcoming event.

2015 09 06 QT Philippians 2 19 30

QT Philippians 2:19-30

September 6, 2015

Today’s QT reminds me of friends who I can count on when I need them. I’m so thankful to have them in my life. I think one of the blessings of being in difficult situations is that you get to find out which of your friends are true friends. And I’ve been blessed with many troubling times that tested my friendships which forged lifelong friendships. They not only have their own interest in mind, but my interest, and most of them also God’s interest.

Application: catch up with friends

2015 09 05 QT Philippians 2 12 18

QT Philippians 2:12-18

September 5, 2015

My heart is hurt and troubled. As much as I want to focus on Jesus, and want to treat others like Jesus treats me, there are people I’m careful to be even around for things they say are difficult. They don’t mean any harm by it. They just don’t know what they’re doing. And I cannot do anything about it, for if I were to argue, it would be of no good for the gospel. So I must just lose for the gospel, but hope from Jesus. I need to focus on what Jesus has done, is doing, and will do. There is no one else who can help me. There is no one better who can help me.

I’m reminded how important it is to be careful with words. Words go out of my mouth, and they cannot be taken back. Words can bring joy as well as… Words can save as well as kill.

I’m also reminded of how I absolutely must not judge. To judge someone is to foolishly and pridefully assume that I can know everything about a person, and that is not only disrespect of that person, but also one of the most serious sin against God. It prepares and cooks the words inside that go out and kill.

I have to repent for all the people I hurt with my words in the past, and be thankful for all the people I must lose to for the gospel. And I must be spiritually awake as to not let the evil one act in me to let me hurt others with my words, silence, actions, and inactions.

Application: carry a note that says “Jesus love” and constantly remind myself of His love all day

2015 09 04 QT Philippians 2 1 11

QT Philippians 2:1-11

September 4, 2015

Today’s QT says… if I have Jesus, be one with other who also have Jesus, and don’t do anything out of selfish ambition, but out of humility of considering others better than myself.

When I am doing things for other people, like giving rides, I have to stay spiritually awake because it’s so easy to get discouraged by people always coming out late, making me wait for them every time. I think how much more loving it would be if they can come out and wait for me to come pick them up, rather than me coming to pick them up, then wait for them to come out. But it’s not their love that matters, or their love that makes me give them rides. It’s for Christ’s love that I do anything that I do, that I have anything that I have, and that I am anything that I am, and if anyone makes it harder for me, then more love I can hope from above. However, it is when I forget this truth that it I actually get discouraged. This is why it’s so important to stay spiritually awake. Otherwise, it will be so easy to butt heads with others, and that is not good for the gospel.

Application: live today constantly reminding myself everyone is better than me

2015 09 03 QT Philippians 1 22 30

QT Philippians 1:22-30

September 3, 2015

In today’s QT, Paul says he’s torn between living in the body vs. departing and being with Christ. He prefers to depart the body and be with Christ, but says that it’s better for the Philippians that he remains in the body and continue with their progress in the faith. These verses essentially lay out the purpose of life, which is to not only spread the gospel to those who have never heard it, but to nurture the gospel to those who have received it. Evil comes from all directions, including within ourselves to destroy the faith, and separate us from God and his peace. We so easily forget, and so easily fall, and despair. We have to encourage each other and grow and nurture each other’s faith. And through this nurtured faith, we can spread the gospel and testify.

Application: encourage brothers & sisters in the faith

2015 09 02 QT Philippians 12 21

QT Philippians 12-21

September 2, 2015

Paul is literally in chains for the gospel. I have to wonder if I too am in chains for the gospel, at least in figurative ways. I have given up things for God, which actually in the big picture is for me because it’s what’s good for me. I’m in God’s chains in a way, but this is a good chain, not like Paul’s chains. But Paul see his chains as good too.

Anyways, today, after meeting with my accountants, I’m once again reminded of some of my situations that are less than ideal. It doesn’t matter what happens, I know that it will eventually become something I can testify for God.

Paul is a preacher. I’m hesitant to say that I’m a preacher, as I’m not like an ordained preacher, but all Christians are called to spread the gospel. That is “the vision” given to all of us through the Word. This is why Paul sees his chains as a good thing, because it’s helping to spread the gospel. Even the people who are preaching with the wrong motives are still preaching Christ.

I’ve made couple videos of my QT now, and I’ve joked with some people that I want to become a youtube star and if I do, I think that’s be fun and interesting, but that’s not why I’ve stepped into this territory. I see “the internet” as my place of ministry. One of the questions that was asked at last year’s NYBC was “where’s your place of ministry?” Everyone should be spreading the gospel. Where are you spreading the gospel. My answer in two part, was with those who are around me, and the internet. This is when I started posting my all of my QT’s every day as a testimony to God. This in now starting to advance to new media in the form of videos. As I make the videos, I should focus more on the message, and not so much the technical side of the video production, but at the same time, I don’t want to get tied down to perfecting the message, because then I will never post anything. I’ll just do what I can, with what I can, with what I have, and if God uses it in some way, I’d be happy.

Application: read 3 chapters of numbers

2015 09 02 QT Philippians 1 12 21

QT Philippians 1:12-21

September 2, 2015

Paul is literally in chains for the gospel. I have to wonder if I too am in chains for the gospel, at least in figurative ways. I have given up things for God, which actually in the big picture is for me because it’s what’s good for me. I’m in God’s chains in a way, but this is a good chain, not like Paul’s chains. But Paul see his chains as good too.

Anyways, today, after meeting with my accountants, I’m once again reminded of some of my situations that are less than ideal. It doesn’t matter what happens, I know that it will eventually become something I can testify for God.

Paul is a preacher. I’m hesitant to say that I’m a preacher, as I’m not like an ordained preacher, but all Christians are called to spread the gospel. That is “the vision” given to all of us through the Word. This is why Paul sees his chains as a good thing, because it’s helping to spread the gospel. Even the people who are preaching with the wrong motives are still preaching Christ.

I’ve made couple videos of my QT now, and I’ve joked with some people that I want to become a youtube star and if I do, I think that’s be fun and interesting, but that’s not why I’ve stepped into this territory. I see “the internet” as my place of ministry. One of the questions that was asked at last year’s NYBC was “where’s your place of ministry?” Everyone should be spreading the gospel. Where are you spreading the gospel. My answer in two part, was with those who are around me, and the internet. This is when I started posting my all of my QT’s every day as a testimony to God. This in now starting to advance to new media in the form of videos. As I make the videos, I should focus more on the message, and not so much the technical side of the video production, but at the same time, I don’t want to get tied down to perfecting the message, because then I will never post anything. I’ll just do what I can, with what I can, with what I have, and if God uses it in some way, I’d be happy.

Application: read 3 chapters of numbers

2015 09 01 QT Philippians 1 1 11

QT Philippians 1:1-11

September 1, 2015

QT has shifted over to Philippians. Here, Paul is writing to the church of Philippians while in chains for the gospel of Christ Jesus. He greets. He says he longs for them with the love of Jesus, and that he prays for them that their love may grow and overflow more and more in knowledge and understanding. This is so that they can tell what’s best, so that they can be pure and blameless for the day of Christ Jesus, so that they blessed with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ.

“Knowledge & depth of insight” catches my eye, and so does the “fruit of righteousness.” Love must grow in knowledge and understanding. What is the difference between knowledge and understanding? What knowledge is being referred here. I feel like it has something to do with Wisdom (Jesus). Perhaps it simply means to love each other with knowledge of love of Jesus, and to be understanding of each others differences inside church.

At my church, there are many different types of people with many different backgrounds and experiences. Each one is different. I know a few of them well, but even the ones I feel I know pretty well, I still don’t really have a clue what their life was like, and is like. This reminds of the 2030 pastor’s sermon about “respect” and that “respect” is acknowledging that I do not, and cannot possibly, know everything about a person, his/her past, and especially his/her future. The moment I assume to know everything about a person, or act and behave in ways as if I know all about that person, I have disrespected that person.

The example I remember from that sermon is if a son is having a hard time in college, and the father says to the son, I know all about what you’re going through, I went through it when I was your age, it’s nothing compared to what I’m going through. Things like this is not having respect. Also things like saying someone will never amount to anything, or saying I know it all, are all things that are disrespectful, and opposite of understanding.

Many new students are here. There are all kinds of them. And there’s already all kinds of souls in my church. We’re all different. We’re all weird in our own ways. We’ve all been hurt in different ways. We all have our life stories. It’s difficult for us to get along, let alone love each other. This is where Love of Jesus must be kept in mind, and deep understanding of each other must come in. We must build each other in love.

Application: remember the love of Jesus, and say and do things that build up old and new members of my church

2015 08 31 QT Proverbs 9 1 18

QT Proverbs 9:1-18

August 31, 2015

Today’s QT further confirms that Wisdom and Jesus are one. They do the same things.

Verse 10: The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding

It’s amazing how Jesus is talked about in Proverbs.

The fear of the LORD, acknowledging his existence and power, is indeed the beginning of wisdom. I used to think I was the best, but soon realized how little I really was compared to everything. I used to think I had control, or could control most everything, until I couldn’t even control the smallest of things. Then I realized that there was something else at play, something good, who has been saving my ass all along. This acknowledgement of existence of something I cannot sense through my five senses, and something that simply does not make sense was the beginning of wisdom, beginning of Jesus for me.

Application: make a video for Mosaically

2015 08 30 QT Is Jesus Christ Wisdom

Is Jesus Christ Wisdom?

QT Proverbs 8:22-36

August 30, 2015

Today’s QT confirms my suspicion past couple of days and Jesus actually is Wisdom in Proverbs. I almost came to it yesterday, but I was thinking Jesus is more than just wisdom, but Wisdom who is speaking in first person in today’s QT pretty much has to be Jesus.

Verses 32-34: Now then, my sons, listen to m; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway."

Application: take notes from today’s sermon

2015 08 29 QT Proverbs 8 1 21

QT Proverbs 8:1-21

August 29, 2015

What is Wisdom? One definition is to fear the LORD. And Verse 13 says: To fear the LORD is to hate evil… Another definition is having the knowledge of what’s good and bad, and applying it in life. The knowledge of what’s good and bad of course must come from the Word which does not change, and not of the world’s standards, or people’s common sense, which changes over time.

What’s Wisdom good for anyways? Verse 11: for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Verse 21: bestowing wealth on those who love me and making their treasuries full. So, wisdom is more precious than anything I can possibly desire, and having it leads to receiving wealth and money from wisdom.

That sounds good and easy, but every day, there is evil in me that manifests itself as sinful thoughts that just automatically pop in my head if I’m not careful to stay spiritually awake and actively fight off.

Proverbs was written supposedly by King Solomon for his son in the old testament before Jesus came. In those days prior to Jesus, wealth and full treasuries was the grand prize, but in today’s terms, in my life, Jesus is the grand prize. When I hold on to Him, HE satisfies me in ways nothing else can, and even gives me wisdom to hold on to Him stronger.

Application: finish reading Leviticus, thanking Jesus for His sacrifice

2015 08 28 QT Proverbs 7 1 27

QT Proverbs 7:1-27

August 28, 2015

I don't know. God works in mysterious ways. Even things that appear to be a bad thing sometimes turn out to be the exact thing necessary for his bigger plans. I am reminded of a boy who wants a toy in a toy store. The mother needs to purchase the toy before the child can take it home and play with it, so she has to take the toy from him briefly at first in order to buy it. The boy does not understand and cries out loud and suffers needlessly.

Whenever I am like that boy, whenever I don't understand what it is that God is doing in my life, I am quick to despair. However, it is foolish. I cannot possibly understand God and what He has in store for me. Instead of crying out loud, I should trust in Him even more, because I believe in Him, in his goodness, his power, and his wisdom.

Application: be thankful for all that God is sending my way

2015 08 27 QT Proverbs 6 20 35

QT Proverbs 6:20-35

August 27, 2015

Today’s QT is making me think a lot. However, no matter how much I think, I know that I will not be able to find concrete answers because it is not written in the bible. I can only rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I can only pray, ask, and wait. I can only believe. In the end, if it is His will, it will be done, and if it is not, it will not be done. At this time, there is nothing I can do but to love God, and to love those around me, and leave everything else to Jesus. That’s pretty much exactly what He wants anyways.

Application: instead of focusing on what I'm lacking, focus on Jesus who is more than enough. Focus on praying for others in morning prayer.

2015 08 26 6 Things the LORD hates

6 Things the LORD hates.

QT Proverbs 6:1-19

August 26, 2015

Verses 16-19

1. Haughty (proud) eyes
2. A lying tongue
3. Hands that shed innocent blood
4. A heart that devises wicked schemes
5. Feet that are quick to rush into evil
6. A false witness who pours out lies
7. A man who stirs up dissension(disagreements) among brothers

These are the things the LORD hates, which means I must not only not have these things, but also to hate these things myself. The one that I think I’m most likely to get into trouble for is #1 Haughty eyes, (Pride),which is one of the seven deadly sins, which God hates the most, and even goes out to destroy. It’s the sin that is the root of all sins, and the sin that puts me first, instead of God. It’s the sin of taking credit for myself for the all good that God has done. It’s the sin of trying to earn grace myself, instead of receiving grace from God. It’s the sin of putting myself in place of God, leaving no room for God or anyone else.

I know this all too well because I used to think I was all alone in this world, and that I’m solely responsible for my own success and failure, and I put me and my happiness above all else. And even then, I used to think that I was humble because I did not boast about things directly, only indirectly. It was a tragic life of trapping myself with myself.

Thank God that God destroyed that old life, gave me a way out into new life in Christ, and has now blessed me in so many ways so that I can pass on his love to those around me. But Satan still pokes at me when people who do not yet know Jesus try to give me credit for what God has done in my life, and how dangerous it is for me to just listen to them and stay silent. God has saved my life countless times, and all that I am, all that I have, is because of Him.

Application: make youtube video of this qt

2015 08 25 QT Proverbs 5 1 23

QT Proverbs 5:1-23

August 25, 2015

Today’s QT basically advises not to fall for adulteress, but rather love one’s own wife. But since I don’t have a wife, what it’s telling me is that I should find a wife of my own and love my wife, rather than loving someone who may become someone else’s wife.

I have been in two relationships in my life. One before I believed in Jesus, and one after I believed in Jesus. I do not regret having been in either of these relationships because I may not be who I am now. In my first relationship, I was young and stupid, and I really didn’t know what the hell I was doing, especially since I didn’t believe in the Word. Then when I believed in the Word, and got into a relationship with another Christian, I thought that it would go all the way to marriage, but I underestimated how much worldly situations can impact a relationship. I used to think less of those people who would look at worldly situations before instead of just purely looking at love, but now I think that both has to be there.

The important thing is that it’s important to find one to love to the end, and to love that person and that person only to the end. If I love a girlfriend, and she does not become my wife, then I have wasted the love I could have invested into the one who will be my wife. I suppose the time, energy, and resources I have put into the relationships I had before that did not end in marriage are the cost I paid to learn, but now I want to start investing my love to the one who will be my wife, and not someone who may become wife of another man.

Application: pray for wife

2015 08 24 QT Proverbs 4 10 27

QT Proverbs 4:10-27

August 24, 2015

There are things I used to not know, that I now know, and live every day. Today, I tried to pass on some of these truths to someone, but they didn’t come to mind right away, but since then, some of them have come to mind. I write them in hopes that I don’t forget them, and that God will reveal to them some of these truths in the few words that I write them down.

God loves me, so much more than I know. He has loved me so much already, and He will always love me so much. None of this is based on what I’ve done, but it’s based on who I am: His creation. And He loves all of us equally in this way, and we all deserve to be loved, and was born to be loved, and to love God first and foremost, and each other.

Someone asked me, isn't doing God’s work hard? Aren’t you tired? Are others doing the same amount of work as you? They ask these things because they do not understand why they live, and who they are. My question for them would be, who are you? And why do you live? The work that I do, which really isn’t much, which isn’t even me doing it, which God never even gives me more than I can handle, is not even really work. It’s life, and it’s ways in which God is blessing me and loving me. To think that it’s some tiresome work that I do not want to do is the twisted truth Satan wants me to believe, but I know better than that now. When God is giving me work, he’s not really making me work, he’s blessing me with life worthy of Him, pleasing to Him, preparing to bless me even more. To not understand this truth is to cut myself short from all the ways in which God wants to love me.

To not understand these truths would be like walking in darkness, stumbling on things, without even knowing what I’m stumbling on. God has revealed these truths to me, and I’m so happy that He did, and I look forward to seeing what HE will do next.

Application: go to morning prayer, make my second youtube video based on this qt

2015 08 22 QT Proverbs 3 27 35

QT Proverbs 3:27-35

August 22, 2015

Verse 27: Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.

It seems obvious. It seems common sense. But I don’t know why this is hitting me as something that is difficult to practice. I suppose giving good in any share or form requires some sacrifice, which might be one reason why it’s difficult to put into practice, but things like giving a compliment barely requires any energy. Maybe it’s figuring out the timing as to when to give a compliment that is more difficult than the energy it takes to move my lips, and verse 28: "Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow” — when you have it now with you” pretty much says to give it now when you can. It’s a good thing anyways. Maybe it’s the awkwardness I feel when I’m complimented that I feel others will feel when I compliment them. I both like and dislike compliments, which is weird. When I receive a compliment, a side of me thinks why am I receiving this compliment, do I really deserve it, or is it something else less genuine where I’m being manipulated. So when I give a compliment, I also think… is this a genuine compliment, and even if it is, might it come off to them as some kind of a bribe? I suppose some people like being bribed, but I don’t. I neither want to receive or give it. That’s why I think it’s easier to compliment or give things to people who I do not have much to gain from.

Application: give genuine compliments or acts of love as they come to mind throughout the day

2015 08 21 QT Proverbs 3 13 26

QT Proverbs 3:13-26

August 21, 2015

Thank you God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You are so amazing.

Application: help prep for mokjang and do Wedding rehearsal ppt out of love of Christ

2015 08 20 QT Proverbs 3 1 12

QT Proverbs 3:1-12

August 20, 2015

Trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding, in all my ways acknowledge him, and HE will make my paths straight.

It’s amazing to see God work. How foolish I was for so long, and still am in many ways that I operate based on my own understanding. My own understanding changes based on my experiences. What’s written in the Word never changes. What I think works, works sometimes. What the Word says works, works all the time. So, how foolish it is that I ever make any decisions based on my own understanding that’s subject to change, and that’s proven unreliable over time. I foolishly think I know quite a lot. I foolishly think I have quite a bit of experience. But reality, what I know and have experienced is not even a spec of dust compared to all of knowledge and experience of the past and future God holds.

Application: Start reading Leviticus. Call dad. Do tomorrow’s QT today.

2015 08 18 QT Proverbs 1 20 33

QT Proverbs 1:20-33

August 18, 2015

Follow the LORD’s way, and there’s peace and security. Follow my own foolish ways, and there’s calamity, disaster, distress and trouble. This isn’t because God hates me, but it’s because these are the consequences of my own ways. God is trying to help me avoid it if I would only listen. If I would only follow his ways wholeheartedly, how much more he would bless me through his path.

Judging others in my head is such a sudden thing, and it’s so difficult to catch. God told me not to judge, but to love, but it just happens so quickly all in my head sometimes. And even though I might not be saying anything judgemental, sometimes, it’s difficult to hide how I feel about some situations from my face. And if I judge, I too will be judged.

I wonder though if staying silent, or rebuking, and/or loving, and/or praying, and/or giving them the WORD are the right way to go to help someone stay or find their way back onto the LORD’s way. I think it depends too much on each individual circumstances to come to any conclusion as to what I should do. All I can rely on is that I stay awake spiritually, and let the Spirit lead me, and do things only out of love.

Another thing I have to wonder is if judging someone in my head is a bad thing or not, and I think it’s a bad thing still. I think it’s important to know that something is wrong with someone, but to pass judgement on them is a different thing. Knowledge of what’s right and wrong based on the WORD is a knowledge that can be used to love someone, where as knowing that something is wrong, and passing judgement on them is taking the place of God. God is able to judge because he is all-knowing. I’m not all-knowing. I’m so far from all-knowing that I literally know nothing compared to God. And for me to pass judgement with such little information about someone is a foolishness.

In the end, all I really can and should do is to pass on the WORD and pray, and the let the WORD do the rest. Everything else just may be clutter.

Application: pray on and during all occasions, do not pass any judgements not even in my head, but only know for myself that some things are wrong or dangerous

2015 08 17 QT Proverbs 1 1 19

QT Proverbs 1:1-19

August 17, 2015

Today, we start QT on proverbs. The first verses explain what proverbs is, and it’s pretty explicit guide to every day life between people, explaining how things are between various types of people, what to avoid, what to cherish, to make it easier to live a life pleasing to God, which is also the life that’s best for me.

The first advice given in proverbs is don’t do bad things with those who ask you to do bad things with them. It’s pretty obvious and simple idea, but surprisingly it happens. When I was very young like in 2nd or 3rd grade elementary school, someone I knew said let’s go steal something from the small corner store, and I did without even thinking about it. Later on, he threatened to reveal all of it, and wanted me to do things for him. Such experience taught me not to get into that kind of situations. However, I think there are other types of similar things that have happened, for example not necessarily breaking rules, but bending them. When someone I know asks a favor from me that bends the rules, or that is stretching the truth, it’s difficult to decide whether to help them, or to maintain integrity. I myself have asked others to bend rules for me for various reasons in my times of desperation, and I’d want to them to do the same for me, and it’s always difficult to refuse. I should say no, but I have said yes before, and I really should strictly say no from now on.

Application: pray before, during, and after for all occasions today

2015 08 16 QT Ephesians 6 18 24

QT Ephesians 6:18-24

August 16, 2015

Yesterday’s QT calls for us to go to war, not on sins of our own flesh and blood, but against other people. This is basically spreading the gospel to those who are still trapped in the world, or helping those who have become free, as well as helping those who have become free to stay free. Of course, I think that the battle against my own flesh and blood must be under His rule first, and I’m thankful that this battle against my own flesh and blood is under His rule.

In today’s QT, Pauls calls for praying in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests, while also always keep praying for the saints. “All occasions” stood out to me, and "praying for of the saints" stood out to me. I pray in the morning after I wake up, at night before I go to sleep, and sometimes randomly during the day, and before meals. It’s a lot of praying, but it’s not “all occasions.” For example, I don’t pray to go help someone, or have lunch, or coffee, and there’s no time to pray when things come my way in real-time unexpectedly. I can see the benefit from praying on “all occasions” though. There’s just so many ways Satan can creak into my thoughts and twist things, and praying on “all occasions” just keep me that much more awake, and it will help me make each of those occasions count more. For example, when I was camping, and cleaning up after things when it was time to leave, everyone was tired from the night before, and some people are sleazing out on the work. I myself kind to avoid the work as well myself, but I could see how some people might get into arguments in that type of situation where everyone’s just tired and groggy and there’s a lot of work that should be shared, but is only getting done by a few, while others are just standing around. But the truth is it’s those who are awake both physically and spiritually who has to serve thankful in those types of situations, and praying on all occasions is exactly the way to be able to do that.

When I prayed this morning, I skipped to “pray for the saints” or more like briefly glossed over it. I think praying for saints basically means to pray for others, and it’s kind of a major part of a wholesome prayer. Kind of like eating a 3 course meal, but only eating the appetizer, and the dessert, and skipping the main course.

Application: pray before all occasions, pray for others in tonight’s prayer

2015 08 14 QT Ephesians 6 1 9

QT Ephesians 6:1-9

August 14, 2015

“Honor your father and mother” — which is the first commandment with a promise — “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

So it seems of all the commandments, this is the first one with a promise, and the reward is that things will go well, and that I will enjoy long life. I wonder how it is that I can honor my parents, or even how it is that I can honor anyone. Thing that comes to mind when I think honor is “honoring a promise.” Usually, promises and only as good as the word of the person making the promise, to honor it means that person is choosing to keep the promise. Then there are “honor systems” things like places where they sell fire wood without a clerk. You just take wood, and the put the right amount of money in the box. Perhaps it’s similar to these things. My father has given me so much love out of free will with no guarantee he will get anything back from me. He let me take the firewood for free, and perhaps time is coming when it’s time for me to honor the implicit promise between father and son that I will take care of him in his old age just as he took care of me when I was younger.

Application: call dad, tell him I love him, send him some money this month

2015 08 13 QT Ephesians 5 22 33

QT Ephesians 5:22-33

August 13, 2015

I think marriage is one of the greatest blessings from the LORD. I want to be in a beautiful marriage, and today’s QT lays out what kind of marriage God intends for us.

First, there’s a profound analogy between the marriage between Christ and Church, and marriage between Husband and Wife. Verses 25 through 29 lays down the commands I must follow as a husband to my future wife. It’s to love her as my own body, feeding it and caring for it, just as Christ loves the church his own body, giving himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her through the Word, and presenting her to himself as holy and blameless, even with all the stain, or wrinkle, or any other blemish, just as Christ covers me with his blood sacrifice to consider me holy and blameless despite all my stains, wrinkles, and flaws.

The analogy is so amazing. It makes perfect and beautiful sense. This is a much deeper and refined understanding of marriage as God intended than what I had before. One of the only insights I had prior to today’s QT was that husband should love wife, not only because the wife is lovable, but because she is his wife, and same goes for the wife loving the husband. It’s not only about the “love feeling” one has for another, but once married, God commands the married to love each other, not only because of the “feeling of love” is already there, but “because" they are each other’s husband and wife.

Another important thing is "sex before marriage.” Blessings from marriage as God intended cannot be received fully if I have sex before getting married. It’s a holy and beautiful union between two people before God, a taste of what’s to come in heaven, but having it before the time God intends has consequences. What’s supposed to be a holy and beautiful bonding act of love and union becomes a shameful act of lust that breaks trust between the couple. It’s a blessing that’s been taken away by Satan’s temptations to prevent and taint future blessings to come from the LORD through the marriage. It’s like trying to start a beautiful thing by murdering someone, or buttoning the buttons of a shirt but starting with the wrong button.

Application: pray for marriage 30 minutes at noon

2015 08 12 QT Ephesians 5 15 21

QT Ephesians 5:15-21

August 12, 2015

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery.

I can drink wine as a Christian, but I choose not to. There are many reasons why other people don’t drink wine, including what today’s QT is suggesting which is that it leads to debauchery, which God hates an destroys. Some other reasons include things like it might put a brother or a sister who in growing in Christ to test, or that the temple of God, which is us and our bodies should be kept clean if God is to use us. I agree with all these reasons, but personally I think what concerns me the most about drinking wine is that it puts distance between God and me, and creates small openings in which Satan can attack me in various ways to put bad thoughts or lead me to bad decisions, which will ultimately take away the love and blessings God is preparing for me.

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.

This is an interesting verse in that it challenges my current belief that I should worship to worship the LORD, LORD only, and not for the sake for appearing to worship to others. Today’s QT seem to suggest that when we worship together, we help fill each other be filled with the Holy Spirit. This is true because I’ve experienced this many times when I went to Christian conferences. You put many God-loving people in a room, and we glow with the Holy Spirit by the end of it. I think it’s also true even for just God-loving people to be around each other. It’s comforting, and refilling, whereas even a phone call from a distant worldly friend can be quite energy-consuming, to the point where I have pray after the phone call.

The thing that this verse makes me think most is raising my hands to God while worshipping during Sunday service, or standing up when no one else is standing up, which George at the Faith church did last Sunday. I almost joined him, and looking back, I should have, but I thought there might be many people who cannot stand up in the Faith church because there are many grandfathers and grandmothers, but after the service, pretty much everyone stood up. Also, when I raise my hands to God to worship God, I do it as a bowing, or kneeling before God, and it helps me to be with God better in the moment. When I see others raising their hands, it also helps me to worship more wholeheartedly. That’s all good, but I see these good things as by-products for worshipping God for the sake of worshipping God, but what today’s QT is suggesting is that these other by-products are not by-products, but are also main benefits, to help each other worship.

Application: worship not only to worship God myself, but also to help the whole church worship together at Sunday’s service(s)

2015 08 11 QT Ephesians 5 1 14

QT Ephesians 5:1-14

August 11, 2015

There are many reasons to fight sin. For one, sin puts up a wall between God and me, and puts a distance between God and me. Second, sin as it separates me from God, it leads to death, and darkness. But the reason today’s QT is pointing to is because of love. We are to love God and to love others just as Jesus loved us through His sacrifice; The love that allows us to repent and break down the walls that sin builds between God and us, and closes the gap between God and us. We cannot love others as Jesus did if there is sin in us. And today’s QT is saying that this is the best motivation for us to fight sin.

This is reminds me of “Organizing Change” class I took in my MBA program. It was taught and demonstrated in class that to bring about change, whether it’s within an individual, or companies of people, or even nations, it’s better to lead change with the thing that you’re best at rather than trying to fix things that are broken. This is because by fixing things that are broken, the most you are shooting for is a mediocre state of not having problems. This is uninspiring and mediocre at best. However, when you leverage your strength, and excel at it, and make it the best, it overcomes other problems, or makes other problems minor, and it’s inspiring to strive for higher things.

Fighting sin just to remove the problem of fighting is like striving for that mediocre state of not having problems. Fighting sin so that you can love others is like striving for that higher thing to be great at something. And it’s motivating and inspiring to be great at something, rather than to not have problems.

So far in my life, I fought sin because I didn’t want to die from sin. I learned how deadly sins can be, and what it does to my relationship with God. And I fought just because it was told to me through the Word, and I’m happy to say I’m currently winning the fight for the most part through the power of Jesus. Now, it’s good not to have any seriously life-threatening sins in my life, but it’s not about just not having problems. It’s really just mediocre without love. Loving is a consuming thing. It requires sacrifice of many forms. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice of his own life. But I know that whatever is consumed to love others, God will refill even more. Jesus consumed his life to love, and God brought back to him life and even more.

Application: love, love, love, love, love

2015 08 10 Qt Ephesians 4 25 32

QT Ephesians 4:25-32

August 10, 2015

Today I started my day with 22 minutes of prayer as part of yesterdays' QT application of praying for 25 minutes. I did quickly check email and Facebook on my phone before I started praying, but I prayed before I got out of bed. It was awesome. Then, I read through my fellow brothers and sisters’ QT’s, and I’m so happy to see how so many are striving to keep the Word close to them, and get closer to Jesus, and it’s such a blessing to read and see how God is working is their lives.

I think today’s QT is about encouragement in church. There’s youth group that I want to encourage to keep the blessings they received in their mission trip, and there’s the group of QT members to help them keep keeping the Word close to them, and my mokjang members, as well as a few who are struggling to help them out of their funk.

Application: figure out ways to encourage those I want to encourage, and encourage them

2015 08 09 QT Ephesians 4 17 24

QT Ephesians 4:17-24

Verse 17: So I tell you this, … you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.

하루만 말씀을 안먹고 기도를 쉽게 여겨도 다시 Gentile 같이 살면서 바보같은 생각을하며 살게 되버릴수 있다는걸 느낀다. 또, 나던 내 형제자매들이던 주님이 영적성장을 허락하시는 사람한테는 악이 틈을타 그걸 방해하려 하는걸 느낀다. 깨어있어 진실을 의식하고 있지 않으면 순식간에 주님의 축복의 길이 막히고, 다시 악마의 노예로 바보같이 Gentile 처럼 살게 될수있다는걸 느낀다. 하지만 다시 그렇게 넘어질지라도 기도하고 회개함을 통해 다시 자유해질수있는 길을 만들어주신 예수님께 감사하다. 또, 내 주변에 나를 주님의 힘으로 더욱 더 믿음이 길로 인도하는분들을 붙여주셔 감사하고, 또 내가 주님의 힘으로 더욱 더 믿음의 길로 인도할수있는분들을 붙여주신것도 감사하다.

적용: 밥먹기 전에 말씀읽기, 내일 아침 일어나자 마자 25분 기도하기

2015 08 08 QT Ephesians 4 7 16

QT Ephesians 4:7-16

In today’s QT, Paul reminds that Jesus gave each of us various different grace in various different amounts. This too serves the purpose to help us be one body in Christ.

Application: take photo at VBS, look after other body parts of Christ

2015 08 07 QT Ephesians 4 1 6

QT Ephesians 4:1-6

August 7, 2015

In today’s QT, Paul urges us to live a life worthy of the calling we have received, to be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love, and to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

How do you love a brother or sister in Christ? How do you love someone? I think today’s QT points to several things that answer this question, but before we get there, what’s the calling we have received? Some people think the calling is specific to each person, and it some ways, it could be, but what’s stated as “the calling" in the bible is clear. It’s essentially to love God, love others, and to spread the good news. And all these of these essentially requires that you know how to love.

Humble, gentle, and patient are three things Paul is suggesting as acts of love. What is humble? I remember a funny moment with someone. She yelled loudly “I AM HUMBLE!” and I said “Wow, that’s very humble of you.” We both laughed. Then what is humble? I’m not really all that sure myself, but I think it might have something to do with respecting that things that we do not know. When you operate assuming you know everything about a person when it’s literally impossible to know everything about a person disrespect their potential in the future, and any significance of their past, both of which attacks the spirit of a person.

Gentle probably means being slow to anger. There are people who get upset easily and quickly. This can quickly lead people to quarrel over nothing, and though it might seem like it’s something you can get upset about in the short-term, it’s probably a really silly thing in the long-term.

Lastly being patient in the context of loving someone - I think means to just to listen to someone, and letting them vent without judging them or trying to change them, but only pray for them. This is the one that is particularly most difficult for me, as I tend to want to give them solutions, or different ways to looking at it, or more importantly the Word, but most of the time, they’re not ready for any of these, which is why they’re in such states to begin with, so what can you do, except to just listen and take it all in, and pray for them. This one is probably also the most energy-consuming.

So, Paul points to being humble, gentle, and patient as acts of love, and I think not only applies to loving others, but also to loving God, especially being humble part, and acknowledging what we cannot possibly know, and the power the potential of God as well as His History.

In the end, all of this loving of God, and loving of others is to achieve one thing, and that is to become one body of Christ. This is “the calling” we have received, and we cannot do it alone. We each do our own part to help each other become stronger in Christ.

Application: pray for mokjang

2015 08 06 QT Ephesians 3 14 21

QT Ephesians 3:14-21

August 6, 2015

In today’s QT, Paul prays for the Ephesian church. I prays hat God strengthens their inner being with the power through his Spirit, so that Christ may dwell in their hearts through faith, and so they may grasp how wide, how long, and how deep is the love of Christ. And notes that knowing this love surpasses knowledge.

It’s so ridiculous how easily I lose grasp of my faith. It’s so foolish to lose grasp of it over small things through the small creaks that Satan tries to sneak through. When this happens, my heart becomes heavy, and I feel weak. I am weak, but I have no reason to feel weak when I have faith in Jesus. It’s when I’ve lost grip of my faith that I feel troubled. It’s when I think and try do myself without Jesus that I’m lost. There is only one remedy for this type of funk, and that’s is to kneel before the Father, repent for the lack of faith, and ask for faith. And through this faith, I’m in God’s peace, and there’s nothing like God’s peace.

Application: get in touch with the new Eastman student who will sleep over at my place

2015 08 05 You Are a Unique Unrepeatable Miracle of God

You Are a Unique Unrepeatable Miracle of God

August 5, 2015

2015 08 05 QT Ephesians 3 1 13

QT Ephesians 3:1-13

August 5, 2015

Sharing Jesus is an interesting task. In today’s QT, Paul, who, at the time of writing to the Ephesians, is imprisoned for his sharing of Jesus by the romans. He however does not see it that way. He considers himself the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of the the Gentiles. He takes joy and pride in the task he’s been given.

So, one of the questions that was asked at NYBC last year was “Where is your place of ministry?” and my answer to that question was that it was "around me” as well as “the internet.” This was the starting point when I started publishing all of my QTs on Facebook as well as on my own blog, and now recently Twitter. Not many people look at it, but it’s helping me spiritually, and if it helps even one soul in way, that’s good enough for me.

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube, and I’ve been playing around a lot with my DSLR, and I’ve been looking for ideas as to what to film for YouTube. Mostly, I want to have fun shooting the videos, and I want to create value for whoever watches my videos, whether it’s that they learn something, or that they’re entertained, maybe even inspired. But I didn’t know what to make until today. Well, I know that I should make some Q&A and informative videos for my business, to help people have a better experience on my site, but I’ve been looking for ideas for other fun-type of videos.

Well, today, as I do my QT, I feel that an idea has been given to me, and it’s kind of an extension of what I’ve already been doing, which is sharing my QT, which is also a way of sharing Jesus, which after all is “The” task at hand. So, the idea is to just make videos about Jesus. I don’t see a lot of those on YouTube, but perhaps it’s time. But I want to make fun videos. I have some more thinking to do in terms of how to make the videos more fun, but I think I can find a lot of things to talk about as far as content. I can just kind of go through all of the QT’s I’ve done, and make fun videos of the ones that helped me the most in getting closer to Jesus, or maybe even just start doing QT on YouTube.

Application: just make a random YouTube video just to get started

2015 08 04 QT Ephesians 2 11 22

QT Ephesians 2:11-22

August 4, 2015

Verse 22: And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives his Spirit.

“Being built together” sticks out to me in today’s QT. We, Christians, the Church as a whole, as well as our own local churches, are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives his Spirit.

God not only lives his Spirit through me individually, but more importantly as a Church as a whole in Christ. None of us have been fully built in Christ, and we as a whole is still being built by God today. As individuals, we each serve our own part in Christ, and as a whole, we receive peace, become more complete, become more one in Christ, until he day He returns. I see that this must also be true between a wife and a husband. There’s no one perfect except for Jesus.

Started reading Exodus, and saw that Moses was slow in speech, which is why God allowed Aaron to speak for Moses. I thought it was kind of funny in a way because I get teased a lot for speaking slowly and answering questions slowly in my church, but more importantly I see here also how God is building whole from parts with Moses and Aaron.

Application: help a sister out with website with Christ in mind, pray 20 minutes, read Exodus

2015 08 03 QT Ephesians 2 1 10

QT Ephesians 2:1-10

August 3, 2015

Before I forget, I want to write down some take aways from yesterdays’ English sermon. One, pride in whatever shape or form is one of the deadliest sins that God really hates and destroys. One of the examples I liked is when someone tells me to read the bible more, or pray more, and if I say I already read so and so much, I already pray so and so much, or if I say I already know so and so, then that’s a form of pride that gets in the way of bearing fruit. The overall sermon was about why Peter, someone who was so passionate, didn’t bear fruit while he was with Jesus. In Peter’s case, Jesus told him he will deny Him 3 times, but Peter retorts saying he will go to grave with him, which he does not, but rather denies him 3 times in times of trouble. The second reason Peter didn’t bear fruit was that he didn’t pray a lot, or didn’t realize the importance of prayers. When Jesus’s time was coming near, and He was praying hard, and he urged his disciples to pray with him through the night, the disciples fell asleep multiple times. One of the analogies that I thought were great from the sermon was water tank, and how water tank as a nozzle, and you have to use the nozzle to get the water from the water tank, and that the nozzle is prayer, and the water is the grace and power of God.

Today’s QT reminds me who I was, and how I was saved. Verse 1, I was dead in my transgressions and sins, and at the time, I didn’t even know it. Verse 2, I followed the ways of the world, ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is at work in those who are disobedient, craving sinful nature, following its desires and thoughts. But because of God’s great love for me, I have been saved by grace. It was not anything that I did, but it was grace. I could say that I chose to believe, but even that heart to choose that way was from the grace of God. Why? Because He loves me, and because He wants to be with me, and Verse 10, because I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for me.

Knowledge of these and the Word is good. Experience of these and the Word is good, but none of these is enough to bear fruit. To bear fruit, I must draw from God through prayer. He is growing me in him little by little. One day, He may even bear fruit through me. All I can do until that time is to continue to grow and prepare and wait in Him in prayer.

Application: pray for 20 minutes, start reading Exodus

2015 08 02 QT Ephesians 1 15 23

QT Ephesians 1:15-23

August 2, 2015

Computers are one of the greatest tools humans have invented, however it seems there’s even a greater tool which God has given humans, and it’s prayers. In today’s QT, Paul’s words to Ephesians show his view of prayers, and the power it has bestowed on those who believe. I’ve often heard that prayer is the only means of grace, and today’s verses seem are telling me the same thing today.

I look at how I pray, and sometimes I follow the format I’ve been taught, which is to praise, repent, thank, praying for others, and praying for myself. Praising helps me to remind me what HE is capable of, and who I’m praying to, and repentance straightens any crookedness in my relationship with God. And I thank Him for all that he’s done, most importantly allowing this relationship to exist, as well as all that HE has in plan for his glory. Then I start praying for those souls around me who I sense need my prayers the most. Finally, let go of my own prayers for myself before him, and ask for his will to be done in his time. Then I feel free and light from my own trappings of my desires, and feel hopeful in His goodness for those who believe in Him. Then I try to see how HE responds.

So, why is it that I pray? That’s a question I haven’t explicitly asked myself, but know in general. For one, I pray because it’s the great tool I have. But then what is it for? It’s for a lot of things, but overall to receive God’s love, so that I can be overflowing with His love to be able to pass on His love to others.

Loving is hard though, but perhaps it’s hard when I try to love other myself instead of just letting Him love others through me.

Application: buy someone something today, finish Genesis, and pray for 20 minutes at some point today

2015 08 01 QT Ephesians 1 1 14

QT Ephesians 1:1-14

August 1, 2015

Start of August is also the start of a new book in the bible Ephesians, and it’s feels good to have finished 2 Kings. I didn’t realize until yesterday, QT, ever since I started doing it every day, it’s become a little more than keeping me spiritually awake. It’s also a slow-paced bible study. I realized this yesterday. I remember long ago when I didn’t do QT very often, there’s no bible study like NYBC available throughout the year near me. But yesterday, I realized that by having started doing QT everyday, QT has become that bible study. After all, most all QT I’ve done for the past few months, pretty much all lead to same conclusions. Funny thing is that I started doing QT everyday after coming back form NYBC.

Today’s qt is so much more pleasant than Kings. Paul greets and beautifully summarizes faith in Christ Jesus to the Ephesian people. I’m reminded of his choosing me and considering me to be holy and blameless in his sight, through the redemption through his blood, which gives me forgiveness of sins through repentance. I’m reminded I am holy, not because anything I have done, but because of what He has done. There is nothing I can do to even glorify him. HE glorifies himself through me according to his will. Most all I do, I do in hopes of pleasing Him, but more importantly, all that I am, I am because of Him.

I want a lot, and I’m asking for a lot, but I also know that I already have enough, for Jesus is enough for me.

A long time ago, I asked myself, what can’t I buy with money? I didn’t have much, if any money back then, but I felt confident that I would make a lot of money down the road, and the answer was the I can’t buy someone’s love. This lead me to a new outlook on life and relationship with other people. Today, I ask myself, what can’t be taken away from me? And there’s just one thing, and that is Jesus’s love for me. I may lose absolutely everything that I have, my health, my knowledge, people around me, but I will never lose Jesus’s love. And that is more than enough for me.

Application: rejoice in Jesus’s love for me on this lovely blue-sky Saturday, finish reading Genesis

2015 07 31 QT 2 Kings 25 18 30

QT 2 Kings 25:18-30

July 31, 2015

In today’s QT, for unexplained reason, the new king of Babylon Evil-Merodach treats the captive king of Judah Jehoiachin well, after 37 years of exile. He’s even given allowance for as long as he lived. How miserable and difficult life must have been for the 37 years he was in prison. God finally gives him a little break.

I just have to trust in the LORD. Things outside of me may not be what I hope them to be, but It trust that whether God lets it turn out the day I hope, or leads me in the direction he sees best fit for me, I trust in His love for me. As part my QT application yesterday, I tried to write down what Jesus’s sacrifice and resurrection means to me, and there are many, but in the end, it came down to one thing, and it’s that He love me.

Application: catch up with yoon up to genesis 43 from genesis 34 throughout the day

2015 07 30 QT 2 Kings 25 1 17

QT 2 Kings 25:1-17

July 30, 2015

In today’s QT, Babylonians destroy Judah as the LORD said. The destruction in today’s QT isn’t the cost of rebellion against Babylon, but rather the it’s the cost of rebellion against the LORD.

It might seem like God’s wrath on Judah is evil-ish in some ways, but it’s actually just hard discipline. HE has the right to just completely destroy everything, except Noah as HE did in the past with the flood, but he doesn’t as HE promised himself that HE wouldn’t. HE has the right to do whatever he wants, and HE’s choosing to keep some of them alive, which is better than a total destruction.

There’s no way I could survive God’s wrath for my sins. I should be dead if it wasn’t for Jesus’s sacrifice. It doesn’t mean I can do whatever I want though. It means so much more. For one, I can be with God even when I’m failing Him. Another, I have hope even if I am a total failure. Yet another, I can continue to become what HE wants me to be with the strength HE gives me. There’s so much more.

Application: scribble down what Jesus’s sacrifice and resurrection means to me

2015 07 28 QT 2 Kings 23 31 24 7

QT 2 Kings 23:31-24:7

July 28, 2015

In today’s QT, Jehoahaz who succeeded Josiah is also killed by Pharaoh Neco after just 3 months of reign. Then another son of Josiah, Elliakim is made king by Neco, then is renamed Jehoahaz by Neco. He had to pay Neco a lot of money from tax collected from his people. Then, Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon invaded for 3 years, after which he rebelled. Then the LORD sent the Babylonians, Arabians, Moabites, and Ammonites to Judah and destroyed Judah. All of this was because of sins of Manasseh and all he had done.

It’s pretty to see Judah get destroyed. I think it’s easy to question non-believers to look at this and ask why would a loving God do this to his people? Can’t HE just forgive them? There are couple things to keep in though in that it’s ultimately unto HIM to do as HE however HE wishes. HE has the right to do so as creator, and we do not even have the right to question as creations. But God is good and loving, and so HE sent his only son Jesus to save us from HIMSELF. Disasters still fall on today’s time though, both at a personal level, and at a global level. No one know exactly or fully understands exacts what God does, but when disasters fall, it’s a good time to look back and see if God is trying to discipline.

I pray that I don’t end with the same fate, and I actually won’t thanks to Jesus, but my sins, my weaknesses, can still bring disaster onto me. Only way is to stay awake. Today, I almost did not start my day with QT today, and I may have lived today on my own, but thank God that I wasn’t so foolish, and that I’m a little more awake now then before doing QT.

Application: pray at 3pm for 20 minutes

2015 07 27 QT 2 Kings 23 21 30

QT 2 Kings 23:21-30

July 27, 2015

In today’s QT, despite Josiah having destroyed most all the idolatry and even coming to celebrate the Passover again for the first time since the kings of Israel and Judah, the LORD’s anger did not turn away from Judah. And as LORD promised, Josiah does not see the destruction of Judah as he dies today in battle with Pharaoh Neco of Egypt. His son Jehoahaz, succeeds him as king.

Couple interesting things that come to mind in todays’ QT are the fact that people made kings. God actually never wanted kings for his people in the beginning, but HE gave them a king for people asked for one so badly. And many kings have lead the people astray. In today’s QT, people makes son of Josiah king. It’s interesting how they made him king.

Another thing is how God’s anger did not turn away from Judah even after Josiah’s heart turned to the LORD as he did with all his heart, soul, and strength and helped Judah recover so much. I want God to forgive Judah in today’s QT like he does for today’s people in Jesus’s time through the sacrifice and grace of the LORD.

Looking at my life, I see how past sins, even though, forgiven ultimately, can have a lasting impact. That’s the seriousness of sin, and that’s why God wants me to avoid for my own good. But God is even more powerful than that in that once the pain the suffering of sins have been overcome and healed, he uses them for good. But all in all, it’s better not to suffer from sins. And to do that, the only way is to stay awake spiritually, and not let sin through the cracks. The sad thing is I am full of cracks, and I’m probably not even aware of some cracks, there may even be big holes that I’m not even aware of, where I may not have enough faith to do what I should. That’s quite discouraging in a way, and in the past, I used to think, if I cannot be 100%, why do it at all, but now I know that 2% working towards 100% is still better giving up and going to 0%.

Application: clean apartment, pray for 15 minutes at noon

2015 07 27 QT 2 Kings 23 1 9

QT 2 Kings 23:1-9

July 26, 2015

In today’s QT, Josiah continues to desecration of idols. It makes me think about how I treat sins, perhaps how I might have been too easy on sins. Apostle Paul treated and considered everything but the gospel as feces. It’s hard to be harsh against sins that are trapping those close to me. I don’t want to come off to them like I’m judging them by being harsh against their sins, but at the same time sometimes these sins are quite deadly. All I can seem to do for them is to pray for them. At first just praying for them seems like it might not enough to help them get back up, but perhaps praying for them and caring for them is more than enough, or exactly the thing that is needed.

Application: look around

2015 07 25 QT 2 Kings 23 1 9

QT 2 Kings 23:1-9

July 25, 2015

In today’s QT Josiah spreads the words of the Book of the Covenant to all people within his reach. He renewed the covenant leading other people to also pledge themselves to the covenant. He destroyed idols, and removed sexual immorality. All in all, he cleans the house.

This was before Jesus, and the sad thing here is the even though Josiah remembered the covenant, cleaned the nation of its idol worship and sexual immorality for the people, they are going to forget and fall again. This is why Jesus had to come suffer in our place, so that we are to saved from God by God through grace and faith alone. Only when we are free in this way, are we able to fall less and push ourselves back up even when we fall.

Also, what Josiah does today is good in that in yesterday’s QT, the LORD told him that his people will be destroyed, but that he will be saved from seeing the destruction in his lifetime. Josiah could have done nothing after hearing this, saying to himself, he himself has been saved from such calamity, so he’s fine. But instead, he spreads the Word of God to his people and leads in renewing the covenant with God, and leads in removing idol worship and sexual immorality which plagued his people. This is pretty awesome of him.

Looking at my life, I have been entrenched in sin in the past, but Jesus has set me free, but not only that, he gave me a way to become free again and again even when I fall again because there are so many ways to fall. All I need to do is truly repent. And to repent doesn’t mean to just say I’m sorry, but really to turn myself around. He continues to work in me to help me be all that he wants me to be.

Application: look around

2015 07 24 QT 2 Kings 22 12 20

QT 2 Kings 22:12-20

July 24, 2015

In today’s QT, Josiah inquires Hilkiah the priest about the Book of the Law. Hilkiah then goes to inquire prophetess Huldah about it, and the LORD says through Huldah that disaster will fall upon all of Judah because of HIS anger. However, he will let Josiah die in peace before HE sees these disasters for Josiah’s heart was soft and repented when the Word of the LORD came to him.

Couple things come to mind. First seeing how Josiah inquired the priest, and how the priest inquired prophetess interesting and important in that he didn’t try to figure it out on his own or thought that he knew all about it already. He was humble. Second thing is how the LORD saved Josiah from seeing all the disasters that will fall upon the people of Judah. The LORD looked favorably on Josiah’s heart and saved him from much pain.

I don’t know how God works. I don’t know what HE will do next. I just pray that HE looks favorably on my heart as HE did for Josiah and not all the flaws and problems I have, and I pray that my heart is in a state in which HE will look favorably. To guard my heart is the battle I must fight each day with the help of the Word, and everything else is under HIS power. The only thing HE does not control is my heart, for if HE did, it would be meaningless.

Application: read random pages of Proverbs at random times throughout the day

2015 07 23 QT 2 Kings 22 1 11

QT 2 Kings 22:1-11

July 23, 2015

In today’s QT, Josiah becomes king, and despite his father having been such a terrible king, he did what was right in the eye of the LORD. I think it shows that each person is ultimately responsible their own faith and their own relationship with God. One might have had the most faithful parents, or had the least faithful parents, but even though that one person’s faith is affected by their parents, in the end, it’s ultimately between that one person and God.

When the Book of the Law was found and read to Josiah, he tore his robes, in verse 11. I like this verse because it shows that the power of the Word to reveal, heal, repent, and life. There is no other way to God except through the Word of the LORD, Jesus Christ.

Application: read little by little again throughout the day instead of at night

2015 07 22 QT 2 Kings 21 10 26

QT 2 Kings 21:10-26

July 22, 2015

In today’s QT, God sends his message through his servants the prophets. HE rebukes Manasseh for having done so much wrong. I wonder though if this message is yet again a call to repent. If HE was to destroy them, he does not necessarily need to announce that HE’s going to destroy them. HE can just destroy them, but perhaps in announcing what HE’s going to do, HE hopes to turn around the hearts of these people. In the end, sadly, their hearts do not turn around, and they are destroyed.

I do not want to be destroyed like that. I want to turn around if that is what HE wants, but I don’t know that that is in fact what HE wants or not. I know what I want. Perhaps that’s still better than not even knowing what I want. That’s not to say I do not care or do not want to know what HE wants. I don’t know, but perhaps it doesn’t matter if I know or not. I trust in Jesus.

Why? is a funny question. The only answer that exist for the question seems to be God. You could go on to ask God why? But I would lack the capacity to understand any meaning answer HE might give anyways.

Application: ask myself some questions

2015 07 21 QT 2 Kings 21 1 9

QT 2 Kings 21:1-9

July 21, 2015

In today’s QT, Manasseh succeeds Hezekiah at age twelve, and then goes on to totally screw up everything for himself and his people for the next 55 years. He rebuilds the high places, alters to Baal, Ashram pole, and consulted mediums, worshipped everything, and even sacrificed his own son in the fire. He and his people did more evil in the eyes of the LORD than the other nations LORD destroyed before the Israelites.

It’s a total disaster. The difference between times of Hezekiah and Manasseh is night and day. This goes to show how important a role a leader plays in any situation, whether it’s church, marriage, friendship, or business, whether or not the leaders and followers who support its leaders are Christ-driven or not will make or break these situations.

In whatever situation I’m involved in, I want to be in situations that make it, so whatever situation I’m in, the most important thing is that I’m walking with Jesus. Without him, I will just mess it up.

Some very interesting things happened yesterday. I woke up, went out, and reflected on everything and everyone that’s in my life, and tried to figure out what it is that I should do that day, or what it is that God wants me to do. For the past 3-4 weeks, I’m been blessed with words and prayers to the point where I could start looking after some other people God has put before in my life, and to reach out to them, and I realized just how much they needed it, and just how much I could finally be used by God in such ways. My application of my life has gone from receiving God’s love from reading the bible and praying, to passing on that love to those around me who needed it the most. Just listening to the problems they were going through, and sharing what God has taught me through the Word drained a lot of my energy and love, but it was right, and God filled me up again soon after with more prayers and his Word. It reminded my last week’s sermon, and that our purpose is to spread the gospel. Even more amazing thing is the way God was using my past experiences to reach out to those who would not otherwise be relatable to some other people without such past experiences. As negative, or unproductive as some of those experiences may have been, HE used it for good. Even more amazing, and something even more hopeful is that I have problems of my own that I cannot solve on my own, and it seems as though God is starting to solve it for me. I just pray that I don’t screw it up in any way, and that I can wait and follow patiently in peacefully wherever HE leads me next. All of this, especially being used by God in such a way, as hard as it is, is showing me a new kind of happiness that only God can give me. And all of it starts and continues with my intake HIS love through Word and prayer.

Application: stay spiritually awake, prepare for his time, and prepare to be used

2015 07 20 QT 2 Kings 20 12 21

QT 2 Kings 20:12-21

July 20, 2015

I went to sleep late last night after bowling, but somehow I just automatically woke up for 5:40 for morning prayer. This is kind of annoying, yet an interesting blessing that I can do QT this early in the day as there’s no morning prayer today. I will pray by myself after this.

In today’s QT, the recovered Hezekiah shows pride in all his treasures in his palace to messengers from Babylon. The LORD then tells Hezekiah through Isaiah that all his riches will be taken away by Babylon, and that some of his descendants will serve Babylon as eunuchs. Yet, Hezekiah is fine with this in that at least there will be peace and prosperity in the 15 years that he has. This is the selfishness of him, and the limit of him.

Pride before the fall they say. God has blessed me in many ways. Although I’m in some very tough situation in some aspect of my life, I’m also in a great situation in many other aspects of my life. I pray that they don't turn into pride that brings about my downfall. Perhaps it’s for this reasons my LORD is keeping me in a tough situation so that I don’t let go of him, and remember who’s really in control.

Application: restart reading proverbs 31

2015 07 19 qt 2 kings 20 1 11

QT 2 Kings 20:1-11

July 19, 2015

In today's qt, Hezekiah becomes ill and is about to die. LORD confirms it through Isaiah. Upon hearing this, Hezekiah prays in tears, and God hears it, and then give Hezekiah 15 more years of life. This is pretty awesome demonstration of power of prayer and goodness of God. Hezekiah did follow the LORD faithfully all his life.

Looking at my life, I know God is listening to my prayers. I don't know what he will do. It'd be nice if gave clear signs as HE did for Hezekiah through the shadows, but I don't need it. Jesus alone is sign enough for all of my faith. Praying is so important.

Application: pray for 30 minutes

2015 07 17 QT 2 Kings 19 14 28

QT 2 Kings 19:14-28

July 17, 2015

I already read the contents of today’s QT on Tuesday, so I’m not seeing anything new form a plot point of view, but these passages remind me again the importance of prayers. I think there is some benefit/cons of morning prayers. I’ve been going to all the morning prayers past couple of weeks, it’s good in many ways for many obvious reasons, but also there’s a little downside that I don’t pray by myself on my own as much because I’m going to morning prayer. Praying at morning prayer, and praying by myself is similar, but also a little different. There seems to be more fellowship involved in going to morning prayer, and there seems to be a little more intimacy directly with God in prayer by myself. I really should do both, instead of saying, since I’m praying at morning prayer, I don’t need to pray by myself.

Application: pray before preparing for mokjang

2015 07 14 QT 2 Kings 18 13 25

QT 2 Kings 18:13-25

오늘 큐티 말씀에서 나오는 이야기가 너무 흥미로워서 이 이야기가 어떻게 끝나는지 궁굼해 더 읽을수 밖에 없었다. 가장 궁굼했던건 앗수르 왕이 어떻게 끝나는지였다. 오늘 내용을 보면 유다는 앗수르 왕한테 공격을 당하기 직전이다. 유다왕 히스기야는 이것에 겁을 먹고, 앗수르 왕에게 가진 재물들을 다 보내다 못해 비참하게 성전에 있는 재물마져 다 보낸다. 주님을 믿지 못하고 자기 생각대로 앗수르 왕이 처들어오는걸 막아볼려하지만 앗수르 왕은 재물을 받고 나서도 계속 공격준비와 협박을 한다. 앗수르왕은 거기서 끝나지 않고 유다왕과 유다 사람들을 욕하고, 또 주님을 욕한다. 나는 이 이야기를 읽으면서 주님을 욕하는 이 앗수르왕 어떻게 될지 궁굼했다. 그래서 나머지 이야기를 다 읽어보니 히스기야는 이제야 자기 힘이나 방법으로 앗수르왕을 막을 방법이 전혀 없다는걸 깨달았는지 주님앞에 기도를 한다. 그리고 주님은 이사야를 통해 히스기야의 울음을 들었다 전해주고, 또 앗수르왕이 유다를 건들이지도 못하고, 돌아갈것이다, 또 앗수르왕이 집에서 칼로 죽임당할것이다라고 말한다. 그리고 나서는 환상적이게 주님의 천사가 내려와 앗수르 군사 185,000 명을 하룻밤에 죽이자 앗수르 왕은 집으로 돌아가고, 또 집으로 돌아가서는 그의 아들 2명한테 살해당한다.

이 이야기를 들으면서 참 몬가 속시원함과 개운함이 느껴진다. 주님을 모욕한 이들의 끝은 결국 멸망이였다.

히스기야, 그나마 유다 왕들중 주님을 제일 잘 따랏다는 이 왕도 오늘 약함과 믿지 못함을 보인다. 하지만 히스기야는 결국 주님을 의지했고, 주님은 응답하셨다.

오늘날에도 주님을 모욕하는 사람들이 있다. 이들의 위험한곳에 있다. 그리고 이들의 끝은 결국 멸망이다. 하지만 이들을 정죄할수 없고, 이들을 사랑의 대상이자 또 구원의 대상이다. 또 내 자신을 본다면, 내가 직접적으로 내 입으로 주님을 모욕하지 않을지라도, 나의 생각과 행동, 그리고 못믿음으로도 충분히 주님을 모욕할수 있다. 특히 매일 영적으로 깨어있지 못하고, 죄와 싸워 이기지 못한다면, 순식간에 넘어져 주님을 모욕하는 행동이나 마음을 가질수있다.

내 자신을 돌아본다. 주님을 얼마자 잘 까먹는지 참 amazing 하다. 자고 일어나면 까먹고, 밥먹고 나면 까먹고 하니 참 어떻게 그렇게 잘까먹는지 신기하다. 매일 말씀을 가까이 하고, 아침마다 큐티를 해도 하루를 살다보면 까먹는다. 그래도 그나마 큐티를 하면 기억이 나고, 또 말씀을 읽을때 기억이 나니 감사하다. 그러니 말씀 없이 산다는거는 진짜 불가능이다. 밥안먹고 살수 없는것과 같다. 나는 이렇게 큐티를 하고 나서도, 분명 또 까먹는다.

적용: 오늘 하루 종일 주님을 까먹지 않고 살려고 해보기

2015 07 13 QT 2 Kings 18 1 12

QT 2 Kings 18:1-12

July 13, 2015

Finally a good king, Hezekiah, who removes the high places, who did what was right in the eyes of the LORD. There was no one like him in all the kings of Judah before or after him. He held fast to the LORD and was successful in whatever he undertook.

However, in 4th year of Hezekiah’s reign out of 29 years of reign, Samaria was taken by Assyrians after 3 years of siege. This happened because “they” had not obeyed the LORD their God. I’m assuming this is the same people who were worshipping the idols that Hezekiah had destroyed, and assuming Hezekiah wasn’t responsible for this downfall.

There is the act of listening to God, and there’s the act of obeying God. It was said in today’s QT that “they” neither listened to the commands nor carried them out. This is a heavy hitting subject because it makes me reflect on myself and how I’m acting in my situation. I do not know if I’m doing everything that I should, or if there are more that I can do. Probably, but I can only do as much as my faith allows. It’s foolish to be discouraged by the fact that I suck at life in many ways, because that’s why Jesus came. I seem to forget this fact everyday. QT helps me remember every day.

I’m finishing up Revelations today, and starting again from Genesis and will be reading the bible Chronologically until I’m back at Revelations. I’m doing this with one of my best friends in Canada, reading 3 chapters a day, and we’ll keep each other on track. I will most likely try to read 1 chapter as a breakfast when I wake up, and 1 chapter as lunch sometime during the day, and 1 chapter before I sleep as dinner for my spirit.

Application: pray for lunch meeting and the work after

2015 07 08 QT 2 Kings 17 24 33

QT 2 Kings 17:24-33

July 11, 2015

In yesterday’s QT, and today’s QT, and probably more QT’s to come, it’s all just so much of people sinning. It’s hard to just read. Perhaps it’s hard to read because it’s not so different from reality, and probably even within me and my life. There’s no answer to this, except for Jesus. Without Jesus, everything would be a complete despair. But Jesus came to solve this exact problem, and he solved it, though sin is still prevalent everywhere. What I can do to do remember and trust in Jesus, and eat the Word, and pray. A simple and elegant solution, that so often gets forgotten and put aside by me.

Application: finish Revelations

2015 07 08 QT 2 Kings 16 10 20

QT 2 Kings 16:10-20

July 8, 2015

In today’s QT, king Ahaz builds a new big alter for worshipping idols copied from the alter at Damascus. He even takes the alter of the LORD and puts it there, and moves the offerings that used to go to the LORD to this new false alter. The chief priest Uriah doesn’t object to any of these abomination. Then he dies, and is buried with his fathers in the City of David.

God could just set afire all these people, yet he still spares them and the promise he made to David is kept. That’s his grace.

The Word is so important. God is graceful. He’s doing everything he can to save us without taking away who we are. And in fact, we have been saved from his wrath through faith in Jesus. However, as people of flesh and body in this world, and as sin continues to enslave us to its ways, the only to be free is to eat the Word. There is simply no other way. Without eating the Word daily, we will quickly get enslaved and dragged around by sin, and we will be like Ahaz and its people.

Application: continue reading Revelations

2015 07 07 QT 2 Kings 16 1 9

QT 2 Kings 16:1-9

July 7, 2015

In today’s QT, Ahaz, a king of Judah who did not do right in the eyes of the LORD, has worships idols at the high places, but not only that, but he even sacrificed his son in the fire. This is crazy, but the thing that came to mind immediately was God’s test of Abraham’s faith. He has probably heard of Abraham’s story, and perhaps Ahaz thought that he was listening to God and doing God’s will when he sacrificed his son, but unlike God stopping Abraham, his idolatry did not stop him from killing his son.

Sometimes I think that it would awesome if I can hear God’s voice literally like Abraham did in his time instead of having the Word in my time, but now I’m thinking maybe it will really confusing to hear God’s voice. First of all, figuring out whether I’m really listening to God’s voice, or the devil’s voice is going to be a hard task. That’s not to say that this isn’t a problem in today’s time in reading the Word and praying, but it’s got to be extra difficult because there’s nothing concretely written down, and you would have to rely completely on just the experience. In today’s times, we the have the Word, and the Holy Spirit that confirm each other, and we also have fellowship within church that we all share and confirm with the Word and the Holy Spirit.

In my life, like any other person, I like to hear what I want to hear, but at the same time, I’m suspicious and uncomfortable when I hear things I should like to hear. I like to the hear the truth whatever the truth may be. Not everyone sees the truth, or knows for certain anything is the truth, and in the end, it’s all a matter of belief and faith. None of us knows everything. Only God knows everything, and holds the truth, a statement which is a belief in itself that I choose to believe. So, in the end, it doesn’t matter so much what other people are saying. It matters only what God is saying. However, God not only speaks through the Word and Holy Spirit, but also through fellow believers. All of this is my beliefs based on the Word itself. Why I choose to believe it is because I believe that it is the truth. That sounds kind of weird, somewhat paradoxical, but maybe it makes perfect sense. Why does anyone believe anything? Because they it’s the truth right?

Application: snack on Revelations through out the day

2015 07 05 QT 2 Kings 14 1 16

QT 2 Kings 14:1-16

July 5, 2015

In todays’ QT, it’s said the Azariah, son of Amaziah king of Judah began to reign at age of 16, and that he did good in the eyes of the LORD. As it was said the QT reflection, it really does show that age really just a number. Older people aren’t necessarily more wiser or more faithful.

I’m young to some people, and I’m old to some people. We all seem to have our share of problems that are equally as difficult to each respective one of us. Just because I have encountered and gone through a problem someone else is going through does not make their problem and difficulty any less troublesome or less difficult. Thinking so would be disrespecting their spirit. It would opposite of love.

There is only one solution alleviating the pains from these problems, and it is to rely of Jesus.

Application: get to know the names of some FUMC spirits

2015 07 03 QT 2 Kings 14 1 16

QT 2 Kings 14:1-16

July 3, 2015

Pride before the fall. In today’s QT, Amaziah, son of Joash wins some wars, then becomes arrogant and challenges Jehoash to war, then is defeated. Amaziah did good in the eyes of the LORD, even though the high places for false idol worship was still intact. God grants him victory over some wars, defeating 10,000 edomites, but this goes to his head, and he challenges Jehoash to war which brings his downfall. He says “Come meet ME, face to face."

Looking over some notes from Seven Deadly Sins bible study, it’s said it’s preoccupation with self. It’s about me being at the center, me being recognized, self-worship, self-idolatry. And because it focuses on me, it takes away focus from God. It makes it difficult to accept God’s grace, and it makes it difficult to admit sin. In the end, it brings about destruction of self and relationship with God and others.

When things seem to be going well, it’s so easy to get caught up in pride, forgetting the truth as to where it all comes from, and all of it is really nothing in the end. Business? Knowledge? Experience? Know-how? Persistence? Patience? Resources? Friends? Family? These things are all good things, but they’re ultimately nothing without God’s timing, so in the end, they’re nothing to boast about. I was just thinking the other day while taking a shower that waiting for God’s timing seems to be the most difficult thing, but it also seems to be the most joyful thing. How can that be? Why is that? It’s kind of insane, but it’s also just as insane not to be this way.

Application: think about God and be thankful for all the timing he has allowed so far while at Darien Lake and have fun

2015 07 01 QT 2 Kings 13 1 13

QT 2 Kings 13:1-13

July 1, 2015

In today’s QT, kings of Israel in Samaria are mentioned and how they did evil in the eyes of the LORD. And how LORD tries turn them away from their sins. And these stubborn people still did not.

I don’t think that they meant to do evil in the eyes of the LORD. I think they just didn’t bother to think about what was good in the eyes of the LORD, and in turn, they just did what anyone would do, which turns out to be evil in the eyes of the LORD.

Sin is pervasive. It’s everywhere, and it’s in me, and in every person. It just comes naturally from within and all around. The Word is the only way to overcome it.

Application: keep reading John throughout the day

2015 06 30 QT 2 Kings 12 9 21

QT 2 Kings 12:9-21

June 30, 2015

In today’s QT, verse 18 stands out to me. Joash when he found out the king of Aram was coming to attack Jerusalem, he gave all the sacred objects to king of Aram. And king of Aram withdrew from Jerusalem.

This must have been a wise move as Joash has been said to have done good in the eyes of the LORD all his life. It probably helped that he was conspired against and murdered by his officials, probably for being good. I suppose he saved the people, and the temple, by giving up sacred objects.

I have been really lazy for some time, both in spirit and in my work up until a few days ago. However, I picked up in spirit, and now I’m able to pick up work and excel at it again. I’m glad, yet cautious that I don’t get too caught up in my work again that it lowers my spirit. I have been reading the bible a lot lately whenever I feel idle or a little weird, which is pretty often, and I think that has helped me a lot. Even so, the evil one tries to sneak in to my heart and take me down, and I reacted poorly in away, but I have been able to stop any further damage with the help of the Word. I was only able to do this because I have been awake. Meeting people is full of surprises, and if I’m not awake, it seems that when things go bad. Most people are walking dead, unconsciously doing the evil one’s bidding without much care because they’re not fully awake. I’m like this most of the time. But now I see how important it is to be even more awake before meeting people.

Application: continue reading John throughout the day

2015 06 29 QT 2 Kings 12 1 8

QT 2 Kings 12:1-8

June 29, 2015

In today’s QT, Joash is said to have done good in the eyes of the LORD all the years Jehoiada instructed him. He also orders priests to take money and repair whatever damages found in the temple of the LORD. But I’m curious if there is a time perhaps after Jehoiada died that Joash fell off the wagon. And I do not know why these priests took the money and didn’t repair the damages. Joash confronts these priests later, and even then, they decide to stop taking the money the not repair the damages. I don’t know what they’re thinking here.

I think repairing the temple is such a important thing. I am a temple for the LORD. I am broken is many ways, and from my heart comes some bad things that just want to screw up good things God is preparing for me.

Yesterday, I read the bible throughout the day, little by little. It seems it’s actually much easier to read this way, and it satisfied my spiritual hunger like eating snacks throughout the day in order to be not hungry. I mean I snack all the day long to keep my body from hunger, and it sadly shows, so that’s probably a bad thing, but eating spiritual snacks throughout the day kept me awake. So I will continue doing this.

And I just finished reading Mark this morning, and it seems like it’s the shortest gospel in the bible. It really gets to the point quickly, and ends quickly. The ending, the longer ending, is kind of weird and also explains why some Christians like to hold snakes and drink poison as a sign that they’re true believers. I don’t know to make of all of that.

Application: read John throughout the day

2015 06 28 QT 2 Kings 11 13 21

QT 2 Kings 11:13-21

June 28, 2015

In today’s QT, Athaliah is caught in the temple of the LORD and killed in the palace. They didn’t kill him in the temple of the LORD because Jehoiada said she must not be killed in the temple of the LORD. Jehoiada then makes a covenant between the LORD and the newly appointed king and the people that they would be LORD’s people. Through this new convent and new start, the people head over to the temple of Baal and destroy it just after killing the priest of Baal in front of their alters. The king then sat on the throne. People were happy, and the city was quiet because Athaliah was gone. Joash the king was 7 years old when he began to reign.

I kind of know that people are going to screw up again, and they’re going to start worshipping idols again, even after today’s breakthrough of making a new covenant with the LORD and breaking down Baal. But as much as that future failure is almost inevitable, the people now are happy, and the LORD is probably happy with the people at least for the time being. And it’s up to the people to keep this going as long as possible.

I think God has heard my prayers, and threw me a bone the other day, to help me save me from myself. And it’s really helping me a lot. I’m with Him when I wake up, and with Him before I go to sleep. And what I used to idolize that been brought down below Jesus. I have been in such wonderful state of faith before, but somehow I drop off after a certain point. I’d like to believe that I can stay like this for the rest of my life, but I know that’s not possible. But that’s okay, because Jesus raises me back up, and covers me with his blood. What’s important right now is being with Him in the now and through out the day.

Application: continue reading Mark throughout the day

2015 06 27 QT 2 Kings 11 1 12

2 Kings 11:1-12

June 27, 2015

In today’s QT, Athaliah tries to kill all the royal family, after seeing that her son Ahab was dead. But Jehosheba, saves Joash and hides him in the temple of the LORD of six years, and when the time came, Jehosheba’s husband, Jehoiada, the chief priest, anoints the young price to become king while being guarded by 100 guards.

I think Joash must have been a baby or very young when he was saved, and for six years until it was his time, he had to wait in hiding fearing that her grandmother is out to kill him. Or perhaps he was too young to even know anything that was happening around him. Interestingly though, they hide in the temple of the LORD.

In times of trouble, LORD protects his chosen people, and his people seek refuge in the LORD. I have to wonder why not strike a lighting down upon Athaliah and annoint Joash right away? That would save Joash a lot of trouble and pain. But the LORD has his ways. Timing belongs to him. All Joash could do is to trust in the LORD, and HE delivered when it was time.

I petition for my wants and needs, but in the end, the best will be provided for me according to His will, and in His time. I could moan in pain, or I could do what I’m suppose to do and what HE wants me to do and wait in peaceful hope. The choice is mine. After all, the little wants and needs that I have is nothing compared to what’s coming in the end. It’s nothing all that important. And it’s so easy for Him.

Application: continue reading Mark. Don’t play minecraft, chess, or any other games today

2015 06 22 QT 2 Kings 9 14 26

QT 2 Kings 9:14-26

June 22, 2015

Jehu is fulfilling his duties as the newly anointed king of Israel killing idol worshippers.

I have broken a lot of my idols, but it seems I still idolize how much happiness I would get from a good relationship with a beautiful girl. This idolatry hurts, and is unhealthy, and I can’t seem to help it. I feel I may be doomed by this. Will I be like Jehu, killing my natural tendency to idolize things besides Jesus, or will I be like Joram, who idolized and got shot with an arrow in his heart.

What do I do. Set my mind, my heart, and my eyes of Jesus.

Application: read Mark

2015 06 21 QT 2 Kings 9 1 13

QT 2 Kings 9:1-13

June 21, 2015

Elisha sends one of his servant to Jehu to anoint him to be king and to wipe out house of Ahab in today’s QT. Jehu has been chosen to serve. This is kind of out of nowhere, and with being a king, comes great responsibilities. For one, he has to revenge for the prophets who have been killed under Ahab. This is tough. Revenge is something that is not for us, but for Jesus, but in this time, Jehu has given the task. Being king definitely has its perks, but also comes with significant weight on its shoulders. Jesus is the king of all kings, and the weight on his shoulder heaviest of them all, and came through and served for all of us.

Past week or two, I have been lazy to be with God. It’s so stupid, but that’s just I am sometimes. Perhaps it had something to do with my finger getting hurt, or the situations before me, of which I do not know how to change for the better. It’s times like this that I should check and reinforce my faith even more, but instead I was just lazy. It’s time to get back up with Jesus who is my strength.

Application: focus on Jesus, my king during today’s service, and start reading Mark

2015 06 19 QT 2 Kings 8 7 15

QT 2 Kings 8:7-15

June 19, 2015

In today’s QT, Hazael, servant of Ben-Hadad king of Aram is sent to Elisha with gifts to ask Elisha whether or not Ben-Hadad would recover from his illness. Elisha tells him that he will recover, but however that he will die, and that Hazael will kill a lot of Israelites. Then Hazel goes back to Ben-Hadad to tell him that he will recover, but kills him the next day.

This is my first QT this week. I’ve just been reading it past week, but am writing it today so that we don’t end up with a tragedy of nobody having done QT at cell group meeting. I really don’t know what to think about today’s QT. There Elisha, Hazael, and Ben-Hadad, and of course God in today’s QT. Elisha is straight as he always is, and is sad when he sees that Hazael will end up killing so many Israelites so brutally. I wonder though what if Elisha kills Hazael in attempt to prevent Hazael from killing so many Israelites, but then again, this is God’s will, so it will happen one way or another. Elisha is sad about the whole situation, but doesn’t try to change it. I try to compare what I would do thinking that I would probably try to change the situation, but then again, if I had a direct vision from God as Elisha did, I might not. Hazael and Ben-Hadad are gentiles, but glory of God is so bright that Ben-Hadad seeks Elisha to ask his future.

I wish I had the vision of Elisha, but I don’t. I can pray, but it’s a little different. Perhaps it’s better than a vision. With vision, I have knowledge of the future, but with prayer, I have presence of God. I should pray.

Application: pray for 30 minutes before mokjang

2015 06 14 QT 2 Kings 6 15 23

QT 2 Kings 6:15-23

June 14, 2015

So… in today’s QT, Elisha requests God to blind an entire army of Aram who is after Elisha, and HE does. Then Elisha leads them to Samaria, then when king of Israel asks Elisha whether to kill them or not, Elisha tells him to give them food and water, and let them go back. As a result of this, conflict with Aram ends as Aram stops raiding Israel’s territory.

That’s pretty wise, and also it couldn’t have been done without the power of the LORD to blind them, and wisdom for Elisha to show mercy and grace.

Weird and funny things are happening in my life. I don’t know what to make of it. Is God trying to tell me something? If so, what is he trying to tell me? HE takes me where I have not imagined, and surprises me. I don’t quite know what to make of it now and then, but I know it’s good, and for that I am happy and thankful.

Application: get advice

2015 06 12 QT 2 Kings 5 15 27

QT 2 Kings 5:15-27

June 12, 2015

Dear God, I don’t know what I’m doing. Help me. Lead me. Choices, paths, right, wrong, end justified, doing the right thing, love, your timing, your will, my will, my suffering, what do I do.

I think I know some stuff. I think I got some experience. I think I have some courage. But none of these is enough for what you have put before me. I ask you, you don’t tell me exactly what to do. It’s as if you want to see how I act. Or you want to really reveal your glory before me once again. I do not know. I do not know.

Naaman is shown God’s glory in full today through his miraculous recovery. He is blessed. On the other hand, Gehazi falls for greed, and becomes leprous. Gehazi did what he thought was right, not what was the right.

What will I do in my situation. I wish it doesn’t have to come to it.

Application: read some proverbs

2015 06 11 QT 2 Kings 5 1 14

QT 2 Kings 5:1-14

June 11, 2015

Oh, how I love today’s word. God sets up impossible situations to reveal himself in glory. HE has done this many times in the bible as well as in my life, and HE is doing it again in my life. I do not see a solution to my future, but I’m not in despair. Whatever HE asks me to do, I will do it.

So, in today’s QT, Naaman, a gentile command of Aram’s army who has leprosy hears of Elisha, and goes to Israel to be cured. The king of Israel is enraged with confusion as he feel he’s being ridiculed by being asked to cure leprosy. He lacks faith in God’s power, and only see possibilities in things and he can do himself. Elisha hears about this, and calms him down, and tell him to send Naaman over. He does, and when Naaman comes, Elisha tells him to wash his body in the Jordan river 7 times. At first, Naaman think this is ridiculous as there’s cleaner river at home which didn’t cure him. He too lacks faith, but one of his servants told him if Elisha told him to do something much more difficult, he would have done it, so why not this. So, Naaman does wash his body 7 times in Jordan and is cured.

Today’s qt reminds me of 1 Corinthians 1:18 - For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who re being saved it is the power of God.

Application: go to basket ball

2015 06 10 QT 2 Kings 4 38 44

QT 2 Kings 4:38-44

June 10, 2015

Elisha performs yet another miracle in today’s QT, providing food for 100 men with 20 loaves of bread with left over. The QT reflection talks about how we should not misinterpret this to regularly expect miracles in our lives. I have yet to see such supernatural miracles in my life, but in a way, everything is pretty miraculous. In any case, the QT reflection goes on to talk about different kinds of prayers and how different kinds of prayers reflect our relationship with God. Is HE a genie God or Father God, it asks.

I do petition for miracle in my life in my prayers, but I also pray for others, but I have been putting my petitions before praying for others.

Application: leave my petitions to the end of my prayers in Wednesday service

2015 06 09 QT 2 Kings 4 18 37

QT 2 Kings 4:18-37

June 9, 2015

Looking at today’s QT makes me think about how I’m like the Shunamite woman in today’s QT. Crisis bring me to my knees before God. I’m kind of in a crisis, but I don’t know why, but I feel fine. Perhaps it’s because I trust in God, or perhaps it’s because feel because there’s not much I can do except to trust in God. All I can do is be hopeful, after all, He has done so much already. I should still keep praying, but I have been lazy with my QT and prayers lately with morning prayer having been on vacation past several weeks, but I have been reading the bible. I don’t have any interesting apps on my phone that work offline, so when I went camping, there was nothing to do on my phone in the morning except for reading the bible, and it was really nice reading the bible in the tent. I hope morning prayer comes back soon. Until then, I need to prayer on my own with more discipline.

Application: pray for 30 minutes right now

2015 06 03 QT 2 Kings 2 1 14

QT 2 Kings 2:1-14

June 3, 2015

오늘 큐티 말씀에는 일라이자랑 엘리샤 이야기가 나온다. 일라이자는 벧엘과 제리코와 요단을 갈때 엘리샤에게 이곳에 남아 있으라고 이야기 하지만 엘리샤는 일라이자의 말을 듣지 않고 일라이자를 떠나지 않겠다고 말하고 일라이자를 끝까지 따라간다. 그러던중 일라이자는 하늘로 올라가게되고, 엘리샤는 일라이자의 겉옷을 주워받는다. 그리고 그곁옷을 가지고 일라이자가 했든 요단강을 갈라나누고 건넌다.

먼저 궁굼한데 왜 일라이자는 엘리샤에게 계속 이곳에 머물라고 했는지다, 그리고 왜 엘리샤는는 그말을 안듣고 끝까지 따라갔는지다. 분명 자기의 멘토가 이곳에 머물라고 하는데, 끝까지 따라가는 엘리샤의 끈질김이 보인다. 그리고 결국 일라이자의 자리를 이어받는다. 일라이자는 이렇게 될껄 알고 엘리샤에게 시험삼아 남으라 했는지, 아니면 진짜 쫌 안따라왔으면 해서 갔는지 궁굼하다.

일라이자와 엘리샤가 어떤 마음을 가지고 있었던, 어쨋든 엘리샤는 주님의 뜻으로 인해 일라이자에게 어노인트된사람이다. 주님의 뜻이 이 사람들이 무엇을 하든 이루어 진다. 이 사람들 입장에서는 주님의 뜻과 같이하여 평안한 삶을 사느냐, 아니면 대적하여 힘든삶을 사느냐다.

요즘 내 앞길에 있어 많은 생각을 한다. 어제밤에도 기도하면서, 또 오늘도 해야할일들을 하면서, 내가 지금 하고있는일들은 일단 확실히 내가 원하는것들이다. 나는 주님의 뜻을 완벽하게 알수없기에, 일단 내가 원하는길로 최선을 다하여 추진을한다. 하지만 그것이 뜻이 아니라면 아닌거다. 헛고생이 한샘이 될수도있지만 사실 헛고생이란건 없는거 같다. 일단 해봐야 한다. 그리고 나중에 어떻게 쓰여질지 모른다. 또 그래야지 다양하게 주님이 축복하실 길을 열수있는거같다. 결과는 주님께 있다. 그렇기 때문에 내가 할수있는건 기도하며, 하는일에 최선을 다하고, 주님이 어디로 이끄실지 기대하는것이다.

적용: read 2 peter

2015 06 02 QT 2 Kings 1 9 18

QT 2 Kings 1:9-18

June 2, 2015

What Elijah tells Ahaziah in yesterday’s QT is still ringing in my head today. “Is it because there is no God in Israel that you are sending men to consult Baal-Zebub, the god of Ekron? Therefore you will not leave the bed you are lying on. You will certainly die!"

Because there wasn’t morning prayer last week, and again no morning prayer this week, I haven’t had dedicated time for prayer. There’s a lot going on in my life, and I’m doing all that I can, but I feel that I should be consulting God first. It feels like Elijah is asking me “Is it because there’s no God in your life that you are not consulting God?” And I think part of it is that I’m afraid he might say something I do not want to hear, or that maybe I’ll only hear what I want to hear, because I’ve been wrong before. I really don’t know for absolute certainty what he wants exactly, but I have a pretty good idea what I want, so most I can do is do what I can do and hope for the best, but just remember that even if I don’t get what I want, it’s for the best. Important thing right now is to consult Him.

Application: pray for 30 minutes before going to sleep

2015 05 29 QT Jude 1 1 10

QT Jude 1:1-10

May 29, 2015

QT on 1 Kings is over, and now starting Jude, who is brother of James. Verse 4 and 5 catches my attentions. It says “For certain men whose condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you. They are godless men, who change the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord. Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Lord delivered his people out of Egypt, but later destroyed those who did not believe.”

These verses imply that there are those inside church who have secretly slipped in who will not see heaven. Jesus’s grace is so wonderful that it can be abused so easily. Am I abusing Jesus’s grace in some way? Probably. Yeah. Definitely. I mean I should be dead right now. My self-justifying argument for all that I do wrong is that I’m weak, but this argument itself is weak. It’s a baby-cry. The more I use this argument, more I get closer to these types of people who have been delivered out of Egypt, but later destroyed. I do not want to be one of them, and so I must rely on the holy spirit to take over and live my life for me at all times, which is so easy, yet so hard because of me.

I read James yesterday before I went to sleep. It was good.

Application: read 1 peter

2015 05 28 QT 1 Kings 22 41 53

QT 1 Kings 22:41-53

May 28, 2015

Last night’s Wednesday night worship service reminded me just how much grace I have received already, am receiving now, and will receiver in the future, for no apparently good reason from myself or my doings, but through Jesus and grace of God. It also shed light on how I’ve been lazy before the LORD past week, and how I’ve failed and fallen in many ways. I should be thankful just to be alive, but I wasn’t. I’ve been walking more about my ways rather than his way. And yesterday I was reminded through the WORD what it is that I must do and the benefits, as if it’s new. It’s amazing how easily I can forget things. All I really have to do is love Jesus, God, keep the Word close in my heart, and let the Holy Spirit live and do for me, and God will not only take care of the rest but surprise me with blessings that go beyond my imagination. How great is that, and how is it that I forget it, or let the evil one hide it.

My bible is literally just sitting open on my desk and next to my bed, yet I barely read it. It’s like the WORD is physically close to me, but not mentally, but at least it’s physically close. It’s time to get back eating the WORD on a daily basis.

Application: read James

2015 05 24 QT 1 Kings 21 17 29

QT 1 Kings 21:17-29

May 24, 2015

Verse 29 : “Have you noticed how Ahab has humbled himself before me? Because he has humbled himself, I will not bring this disaster in his day, but I will bring it on his house in the days of his son."

Today’s QT is a delightful surprise in what’s been pretty depressing book, which also shows what God really wanted all along from the kings, which was for them to repent, turn around, from their ways. Ahab finally did, and God forgives Ahab somewhat in that he would not cut off all his sons of his house in his days, but rather in the days of his son.

Repenting is a truly difficult thing, but it’s not just saying that I'm sorry, but really turning myself around from my evil ways. If I really did repent, then I would not go be going back to my evil ways. This is so much easier said than done because I am so weak, and so prone for falling. But the good thing is that my salvation does not lie with this. It does kind of, but it also doesn’t. If we can truly turn from my evil ways and never go back and truly repent of all of my sins, then Jesus didn’t have to come, and die for our sins. It’s because we cannot redeem ourselves purely through true repentance that Jesus had to come redeem us for us. Otherwise, we would all be just damned. But sin still kills, both in this world, and in the spiritual sense. It can literally kill us physically, emotionally, but more important add distance between a soul and God, to the point if the distance becomes too far, the soul may get lost again.

There are situations and my decisions that I’m not proud of, that I pray will all be different and put behind me somehow in the future. I do all that I can to do what I think is the best path forward, hoping that it is a path that God will allow in the end. If not, that would be okay, but I don’t give up on these things. God and I both know this. Nevertheless, there is a lingering question always in all important decisions that question if it’s the path which God would be pleased. However, in the grand scheme of things, God may not care all that much with path I take as long as the paths are in the direction towards him. After all, my life is not about me, but about Him. I say this with ease, but sadly, how it plays out in my life is a different story.

Application: make today as much as possible about Him in all that I do at least for this one day

2015 05 22 QT 1 Kings 20 35 43

QT 1 Kings 20:35-43

May 22, 2015

삼일만에 큐티를 한다. 새벽기도를 매일 나간다는 핑계로 큐티를 소흘리 했다. 금요일날 새기때 큐티를 나눠야해서 이렇게 큐티를 다시 하게되니 감사하다. 그런데 오늘 큐티 내용을 잘 모르겠다. 열왕기상을 전체적으로봤을때 왕들이 자기 마음대로 살면서 격는 힘듬을 보여준다. 최근에는 아합이 밴하닷을 안죽인것에대한 죄, 그리고 오늘 큐티에서는 선지자를통해 주님이 아합이 이 죄때문에 죽을것이라고 전한다. 또 오늘 갑자기 나온 내용중 하나는 선지자가 선지자 친구에서 주님이 시키시는일이니 나를 치시요라고 했을때 안쳤다고 사자에게 죽는다. 이런 이야기들을 보면 약간 당황스럽기도 하다. 왜냐면 이것이 주님의 방법이라면 나는 사자에게 샐수없게 죽었을것이다. 하지만 예수님이 나 대신 죽으셨기에 나는 감사히 잘 살고있다. 축복 받았다.

큐티하는것에 제일 힘든게 적용인거같다. 특히 큐티를 매일하려고 하는 입장에서 큐티 적용하는게 힘들어지면 큐티를 계속하는것도 힘들어지는것같다. 그렇다고 또 쉬운 적용을 하다보면, 내가 과연 믿음을 연습하고 사는삶을 사고있나하는 불편한 마음이든다. 내일 큐티 적용을 무엇을 해야할지 고민이다... 내일, 내일모래 졸업식이다. 원래 아버지가 안오시면 졸업식을 안갈생각이였지만, 농구하고 돌아오는길에 Cap & Gown 공짜로 주는데 입어라도 봐야지 하는 마음에 픽업해 돌아와 샤워하고 입어보니, 몬가 학사때 없던 마스터 후드를 보니 몬가 좀더 있어보이는거같기도하고, 졸업식도 가야겠다는 생각이들었다. 참 감사하다. 2003년에 로체스터에 처음 발을 밟고, 2015년에 12년을 거쳐 학사를 따고, 석사를 땃다. 그 사이에 진짜 별에별일들이 다 일어났다. 방탕 물란하게 위험하게 살았을때도 있었고, 사업의 시작과, 여러 고비들을 통해 집없이 산적도 있었고, 또 일에 모든것을걸고 일에 중독된삶을 살았을때도있었다. 그러면서 예수님의 손길을 통해 예수님도 영접하게되고, 잠시동안이였만 자매와 깊은 교제도 나눌수있었고, 또 지금까지 여러가지 성경공부와 섬김을통해 교회 안에서 영적성장을 하고있다. 사업도 계속 성장하고있다. 사업도 꾸준히 이제 10년 가까이 성장해와 지금보다 잘된적이 없고, 이제는 만약 사업을 판다면 아마 밀리언 달러 이상을 받을수있을정도까지됬다. 하지만 아직도 많이 남았다. 그런대도 사실 지금 졸업을 함으로 나의 앞길은 많이 깜깜한 상태다. 또 다시 한번 내가 혼자 어떻게 할수없는 상황 앞에 섰다. 모 이런때 뿐만 아니라 항상 주님만을 바라보며 살아야하지만, 감사하게 주님밖에 바라볼수없게되어 주님을 감사히 바라보고 기대하고 있다. 내 상상에 간구하는것들이 있지만, 그것을 허락할시 아니면 그것보다 더욱 더 좋은것을 주실 주님만을 믿고 바라본다.

오늘 이경아 집사님이 보내주신 카톡이 생각난다. “비참해지고 싶다면 자신을 들여다보고, 주위가 산만해지고 싶다면 이리저리 둘러보라. 그러나, 평온해지고 싶다면 하나님을 바라보라"

적용: 해원이 제네퍼 baby shower 선물 사기

2015 05 17 QT 1 Kings 19 1 10

QT 1 Kings 19-1-10

May 17, 2015

In today’s QT, Elijah is afraid for his life by Jezebel’s wrath after hearing what Elijah did. It’s interesting he’s afraid because he just witnessed God’s fireball coming down on his alter and proving everyone of God’s glory. I suppose this goes to show even the great Elijah is not that different than other people. And I suppose it goes to glorify the LORD as it really shows it was God who did, does, and will do.

Long time ago, my faith was shaken when I realized just how much people fail at life in various different ways. I was troubled because I felt if you can’t do all the way, what’s the point? When I told my pastor this, he said everyone can only do as much as their faith allows them. This is a sad answer because everyone’s faith is so weak. But the good news is that it’s not about what we do. It’s about what HE did to save us purely out of grace. What we do after that point is merely a show of appreciation of that ultimate gift HE gave us.

Application: private

2015 05 15 QT 1 Kings 18 16 29

QT 1 Kings 18:16-29

May 15, 2015

In today's, Elijah sets up a challenge between the LORD and Baal in hopes to let people know who is the true God by having phophets of Ball set afire a bull through supernatural means in the name of Ball while he too does the same in the name of the LORD. The phophets of Baal are not able to do so.

I knew this story, but I forgot that this was the story of Elijah. I knew Elijah was a great prophet, but I couldn't think off top of my head what he did. Now, I think I'll remember.

QT reflection says how we are like the prophets of Ball. Turning to our own idols for our troubles. Relying on our own self, money, knowledge, experience, and on. I know Jesus and I get closer to him every day, but I still find myself in troubling state in weak faith in times of trouble, and find myself looking for ways in which I can do something. When I do this, I am afraid like how Peter was afraid in the boat during the storm.

I love Jesus. He makes all things good, even when they appear to be bad in the short term. Nothing bad ever happens in Jesus.

Application: go on date with open heart and mind

2015 05 12 QT 1 Kings 17 1 16

QT 1 Kings 17:1-16

May 12, 2015

Time is coming. The struggle comes from my own endless will and desire for more, but the struggle is needless because everything is from God, though hard work is required.

In today’s QT, Elijah prophesies to Ahab there won’t be rain except at his word. He then goes into hiding according to God’s command, and the LORD provides for him through ravens bringing him breakfast and dinner, and then later through a widow with a son who have so little that they want to eat sticks and die. However, the LORD provides for them with a jar of flour and a jar of oil that does not run out until the LORD gives rain on the land.

This sense of miraculous protection from the LORD is what lead me to seek out who it is that protects. With this protection, there is no need to struggle. Time and time again God has provided, and continues to provide. Yet, I find myself sometimes foolishly struggling to provide for myself whenever troubling things present themselves before me. I believe that I have a choice, and that I always have a choice, and have always thought that when someone says they “had to” or “didn’t have a choice” were bad excuses. However, maybe I don’t have a choice. Maybe I just have an appearance of choice, but really there no matter what I choose, the overall direction doesn’t change. I don’t know.

Application: pray in thankfulness

2015 05 11 QT 1 Kings 16 21 34

QT 1 Kings 16:21-34

May 11, 2015

Today’s QT reminds me again the definition of good and evil in the eyes of the LORD. It’s about remembering HIM and keeping HIM in mind. These kings just continue to live regardless of the LORD.

I’m at a turning point. Big decisions are in front of me. I’ve weighted my options, and know what the logical choice is, and I’m pretty set on taking that path. However, I wonder if it’s the best path in the eyes of the LORD. I do not know, and I cannot know, but probably what’s more important isn’t that I take either path A or path B, but that whichever paths I take go in the direction toward the LORD.

Application: pray in thankfulness for having brought me this far

2015 05 08 1 Kings 15 9 24

QT 1 Kings 15:9-24

May 8, 2015

In today’s QT, Jehoshaphat, the successor to Asa fails. Asa, his father did good in the beginning, but it seems he did not rely on God to the end.

I’m in a spiritually hungry state. I can tell. I need to read the bible more seriously, and pray more seriously. My priorities are shaking. I don’t want it to collapse.

Application: read James, pray for 30 minutes at noon

2015 05 06 1 Kings 15 1 8

QT 1 Kings 15:1-8

May 6, 2015

In today’s QT, the Kings are still sucking at life, but the LORD gives them a son to succeed for the sake of David who had done right in the eyes of the LORD. This doing right is essentially remembering him.

This makes me think about the impact of one’s faith. It goes beyond impacting the faithful person, but also those around them and after them. The kings are sucking at life, so everyone in the kingdom too are sucking at life. And because one was good, their descendants got a little benefit from it. Does it go the other way? If one sucks at life, are other around them and after them affected negatively? Yes, but I think I remember a passage in the bible along the lines of God will not hold against you what your parents did. However, what your parents do undoubtably affects you, but you still have a choice to remember the LORD or not.

Faith is hard, especially in times of trouble, but in a way, it’s really easy, because of the most important part of it is simple. Just wake up and live remembering the LORD’s goodness. So easy, but sometimes, so hard for my own stupidity.

Application: do Wednesday ppt remembering the LORD, listen to Hebrews

2015 05 05 QT 1 Kings 14 21 31

QT 1 Kings 14:21-31

May 5, 2015

In today’s QT, descendants of Solomon continue to do evil in the eyes of the LORD. It reminds me of last Sunday’s sermon about what’s good in the world vs. what’s good in the eyes of the LORD. Basically, the world follows common sense of good. Things like helping others, saving someone’s life, and so on are good things. These things are also good in the eyes of the LORD, but what’s most good in the eyes of the LORD is remembering the LORD. You could be good in every way, except this, and you will still not be considered good in the eyes of the LORD. You could be bad in every way, and you will still be considered good in the eyes of the LORD.

Application: listen to Hebrews

2015 05 02 QT 1 Kings 13 11 24

QT 1 Kings 13:11-24

May 2, 2015

In today’s QT, the prophet who was so awesome yesterday, is tricked by a lying old person who claims to be prophet himself to come eat and drink at his house. The good prophet denied him at first, but the liar lied to him saying he’s heard from the LORD that he should bring him into his house and give him food and water. The good prophet falls for it, eats and drinks, and then an angel of the LORD comes to him telling him “He has defied the LORD’s command.” When he got on his way back home on his donkey, a lion came and killed him.

It’s really harsh, but it’s his will, and his will, will be done. I have no right to question his will and his plans. One thing for sure is that whatever HE says HE will do, He will do it.

I’m feeling a bit lost these days. I need to truly repent. I will be forgiven.

Application: pray for 1 hour now

2015 05 01 QT 1 Kings 13 1 10

QT 1 Kings 13:1-10

May 1, 2015

So, I skipped yesterday’s QT, and looking back at it Jeroboam, who was the good one fell so hard, made golden calves and told his people to worship it instead of the LORD. Truly a disaster. On the other hand, Rehoboam who was the bad one, actually obeys God’s command this time when he was to not to go to war against the his brothers. I know that the overall theme of Kings is that Kings were doing whatever they thought was good, and that that was not good.

In today’s QT, a prophet rebukes the worship of false idols at the alter, and prophesied that the all the priests who are worshipping false idol will die, and they do. King Jeroboam tried to arrest him, his hands that pointed toward the prophet shriveled up, and had to ask the prophet to pray to the LORD to restore it. When he did, the king offered food and gift to the prophet, but the prophet refused for the LORD commanded him to not eat or drink there, and return the way he came.

The prophet, man of God, is awesome. I wish I can be more awesome like that. I’m much more like Jeroboam or Rehoboam than this man of God. This man is at peace. Jeroboam and Rehoboam are living in fear.

“Do not worry about anything, but with everything, by prayer and petition, present your request to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds” - Phillipians 4:6-7

Application: do not worry, and just believe

2015 04 29 QT 1 Kings 12 12 20

QT 1 Kings 12:12-20

April 29, 2015

Dear Jesus,

In today’s QT, I realized that Jeroboam and Rehoboam were two different people. I was bit confused because I thought they were the same person. The names are so similar, but I now know that Rehoboam is the foolish one, and Jeroboam is the good one. I’m sorry I’ve been more like Rehoboam than Jeroboam. You know me. I’m just hopeless like that, but I have you. Yesterday was a weird day. I was all feeling out of whack as I was thinking deeply about my life and this world. The world is so amazing, but also so messed up, and so am I and everyone else in it. It’s hopeless without you, and we are all just absolutely hopeless without you, and not enough of us even care to do much about it including myself. For one, we can’t do much. You have to do it. For two, we don’t want to do it. Isn’t that the sad truth? But you have your ways, and you will will be done. Give me courage to give myself up as necessary to take part in your doing. And you know, you know what I need… I would really appreciate it if you could sooner rather than later, so that I don’t anything stupid according to my own will, because I don’t really know what to do about a lot of things. Guide me as you’ve guided me in the past and will guide me in the future.

Application: go to Wednesday service

2015 04 28 QT 1 Kings 12 1 11

QT 1 Kings 12:1-11

In today’s QT, Rehoboam who just became king after Solomon asks elders for advice when the whole assembly of Israel asked him to reduce their burden and harsh labor. He decides to take 3 days to think about it, and when he went to the elders as well as the young men who grew up with him for advice. The elders told him to give them a favorable answer, and the young men told him to make their burden even heavier.

I don’t really believe in giving or receiving advice from people. I wish I could take good advice, but it’s similar difficulty as when I decided to believe in Jesus. I feel like good advices are going to be good for me, and I just don’t know for sure. For one, not all the advices I have received have turned out to be good. My general feeling for the ratio of good advice to bad advice is pretty low. So, I know I have to filter some out. Then the good advice, I don’t know that they’re good advice, until some time passes. I gain respect for whoever gave me good advice, but usually, I didn’t take the advice. It might have something to do with learning. Trial and error. It’s painful and time-consuming, but the good advices don’t make sense to me, and until I’ve felt the pain of failures down other paths. Since they don’t make sense to me at the time they’re given to me, they’re not useful to me. This is also why I refrain from giving any advice. One good thing about this way is that I know for sure that I’ve lived my life in a way that I’m responsible for my decisions. Some decisions results in good things, some decisions in bad, but this is short-term good and bad. There’s no telling which is good and bad in the long-run. What’s good is that I can take some comfort in knowing that I can’t blame anyone for my life. Recently though, I’ve been keen to take advice for my brothers and sisters of good faith in Christ. Maybe I’m getting older, and I feel like I don’t have as much time to go through failures and learn for myself, or finally becoming a little wiser. Or perhaps not. I cannot know. The advices in the Word is good though. They’ve been helping me concretely since I started believing. My life is now not just responsible by me, but also by the Word. I wish my life was fully responsible by the Word, but I lack so many ways for me to be able to make such a claim.

Today is my 31st birthday. I have mixed feelings about this. I don’t know what to make of this age. Overwhelmingly uncomfortable sense that I should be with someone who I want to marry, or have married. Past year went by so quickly. It’s scary how fast it went by, and I don’t like it because I feel like I have less and less time to do all that I want to do. Maybe it’s just me being silly. This is possibly the start of the prime time of my life. I’ve had some tough ones, real though ones in my twenties, and things have been much better past couple of years. So hopefully, it is the start of the prime time of my life :) I need to have more faith in the goodness of the LORD.

Application: have a good birthday

2015 04 27 QT 1 Kings 11 26 43

QT 1 Kings 11:26-43

April 27, 2015

In today’s QT, it shows how Solomon’s sin of worshipping false idols from the idols that were brought into his life by his wives and concubines result in sin and suffering of all those around him. The sin not only affect just that one person, but those around that person and the community and society at large.

Sin is no laughing matter. Humanity is doomed in it. There is no way out. Not a single person alive today is free of sin. The only hope is the grace of Jesus, to be thankful for this grace, and to dodge sin best I can. To do that, best thing to do is to fill myself with the Word, pray, and take part in God’s work.

Application: read titus

2015 04 26 QT 1 Kings 11 1 25

QT 1 Kings 11:1-25

April 26, 2015

In today’s QT, Solomon disobeys the LORD in marrying people of other nations, not because he’s a racists, but because they worshiped idols, and that they would lead Solomon’s heart astray. Idols come in many forms. In today’s world, it would be ridiculous to make an idol out of gold and worship it, but anything that has higher priority than Jesus in my heart is an idol. For me, believing that my intelligence, knowledge, experience, even perseverance will lead my towards a path that is best, or thinking that somehow a magical relationship with someone beautiful and wonderful is going to make my life full is idol worship. Same goes for finding someone for marriage. It doesn’t matter what country she was born, it matters that she worships God alone, and not other idols. That’s not to say all those other things are bad. They are good, but they’re bad when they’ve taken a higher place in my heart than Jesus. It’s really hard to tell by looking at someone if they have idols deep in their heart. It’s really hard to even tell if I myself have idols deep in my heart. I know it, but my actions are lacking, because my belief is weak. Situations creep up on my that cause concerns. I tell myself I’m okay because I don’t know why. I ought to be telling myself I’m okay because of Jesus. Then just do what I got to do with faith, instead of being frozen in fear.

Application: pray for 1 hour

2015 04 24 King Who Serves Himself QT 1 Kings 10 14 29

King who serves himself

QT 1 Kings 10:14-29

April 24, 2015

Somewhere in Proverbs as well as in Deuteronomy 17 says King should not serve himself. King shouldn’t have great number of horses for himself, shouldn’t have many wives, accumulate large amounts of gold or silver, because his heart will be led astray. Today’s QT looks and sounds wonderful, but it’s everything God didn’t want from a king. He wants a who serves others like Jesus.

In today’s world, at least in the democratic world, every person is their own king. I too am a king of myself. As a king, my heart to will be led astray if I serve myself. In today’s terms, horses = cars, wives = wives, gold and silver is kind of like money. I am a business man, a lot of people who don’t know what it means to run a business think that business is about making money. I can see why because it’s a very clear cut point system, but business is really about making value. And actually, when you have a lot of cash, it’s losing value. When US dollar lost the gold standard, inflation and central bank tax became the norm. So, if you hold on to money, it’s losing value. You have spend it in the right places. Now, if money is the only point system there is, then the right place to spend money are places where it’s going to make more money. That’s fine because places that make more money are creating value somehow themselves because otherwise they wouldn’t be making money. But the problem is there value that cannot be counted with money. Feeding the hungry, adopting orphans, and just generally helping others who can’t possibly help you back, all those things definitely create value that cannot be counted with money. But these are actually the things Jesus wants the most.

Looking at myself, and looking at my business, the purpose can’t be for the existence, sustenance, and luxury for myself and itself. The purpose is the serve others, and especially to serve those who can’t serve you. I can’t say that I or my business does any of that at this point, but maybe it’s time to start keeping my eyes and ears open for the chance.

Application: prepare for mokjang night with a thankful heart

2015 04 23 QT 1 Kings 10 1 13

QT 1 Kings 10:1-13

April 23, 2015

In today’s QT, queen of Sheba visits Solomon after hearing about his wisdom and relation with the LORD, and she tests him with hard questions, which Solomon answers all. The queen praises the LORD. This is supposedly the peak of Solomon’s reign. From this peak on, it’s downhill for Solomon’s reign. The decline comes from the fact that Solomon fails to keep the LORD’s decrees and marries many wives from all over the place, who bring in worship of false idols. I wonder how much more glorious it would have been had Solomon kept following the LORD’s way.

Recently, lot of people have started posting their QTs, and just reading them, I can wake up spiritually a little. At the same time, there is temptation to skip QT, and or delay, kind of like hitting the snooze button on an alarm clock, and wanting to sleep a little more. The scary thing is that, the more I want to stay asleep, the more I want to asleep even more. I am weak. I don’t want to face this truth. Waking up makes me face this truth. But the good LORD is there to guide me towards HIS direction. The hard part is dragging myself onward towards that direction. This is the best way, the only way to life, but the distractions are just so distracting. The most important thing to remember is that I’m saved no matter what. Just gotta try my best, and it’s not going to be good enough, but it will be made good enough.

Application: do the dishes, figure out what we’re going to go eat tomorrow for mokjang

2015 04 22 QT 1 Kings 9 10 28

QT 1 Kings 9:10-28

April 22, 2015

Today’s QT shows the decline of Solomon’s ways about doing things. First of all, Solomon gives twenty towns to Hiram as a return for Hiram having helped Solomon in building the temple and the palace. I didn’t realize this at first, but QT reflection points out that Solomon is giving away God’s land to build the temple and the palace. That is quite a compromise he made. He’s doing all, or at least supposed to be doing all for God, but he’s doing it at the cost of God’s land, which doesn’t make sense. It’s like chopping off and selling a piece of your body to live in a nice house. The towns he gave them were no good, but they’re still part of his towns. The fact that he gave them the towns that are no good is also reflective of his ways of doing business, and his integrity. They’re falling.

I wonder what kind of compromises I’m making in my life. I’ve definitely made some big decisions, and by taking one path, I don’t get to see the other paths. Compromises themselves aren’t bad. Compromising who you are, what you believe in, is bad. If at the end of the day, you are not who you are, then what are you. I ask myself what compromises have I made in the past that jeopardize who I am as a child of God? Actually, nothing can compromise that. That is who I am, it just is. I may not be a good child of God, but child of God nonetheless. What can be compromised then? Love for God seems like something that is often compromised over desire for things of this world, because you cannot NOT be a child of God, but you can choose not to love God, or to ignore his commands. Deciding to be idle on HIS will is physically comfortable, though spiritually uncomfortable. So one can compromise relationship with God for physical comfort. That sounds about right. But again, this is short-term view. In the long-run, uncompromising relationship with God will bring greater physical comfort in total.

Application: do the dishes, clean apartment, read Timothy

2015 04 21 QT 1 Kings 9 1 9

QT 1 Kings 9:1-9

April 21, 2015

In today’s QT, the thing that I love most is that here, God, still considered David to have walked before God with integrity of heart and uprightness.

Verse 4: “As for you, if you walk before me in integrity of heart and uprightness, as David your father did, and do all I command and observe my decrees and laws,

I love this because I know David had his share of failures. His thing with Bathsheba and even murder of her husband. It’s a little comforting to know what God can still consider someone like David to have had integrity of heart and uprightness despite what he’s done. It’s alleviating for me because I too just fail sometimes, and it gets me down, and I really can’t get back up on my own. I would just lie there and drag my ass around in this thing called life. I would not be able to stand, let alone, walk, run, or soar. Today’s QT is a reminder that it’s all grace. I deserve to go to hell. I deserve to a lighting bolt down my head, but I’m still living and breathing within HIS grace and mercy. Trying to get back up on my own is not only futile and never going to happen, but it’s actually what God does not even want, or what God actually hates.

Application: be thankful for his grace and mercy, stop sucking at life, and get back up through his grace and mercy. Go to morning prayer tomorrow.

2015 04 19 QT 1 Kings 8 41 53

QT 1 Kings 8:41-53

April 19, 2015

In today’s QT, Solomon prays to God for foreigners coming to pray temple of the LORD, that’s me. He prayed for me, though I’m not praying at the temple of the LORD, though maybe I am because my body is my temple.

My prayers recently have become increasingly lazy lately. Kind of just falling asleep in the middle of prayers. I’m currently pretty preoccupied with buying a car. I haven’t had a car for quite a while since the accident, but I think now is the time. My father’s final health check up, which will be a key factor in whether he can come in June or not, and my “business of youth” both need a car. I may have to be late on my tuition payments, which I’m conflicted about, and all these things are more the reason why I should be prayer more, but that hasn’t been the case. My heart seems to be wondering elsewhere. I need to pray all the more, and seek his wisdom in what seems to be yet another important transition in my life. There are also so many people who need my prayers.

Application: pray for 1 hour

2015 04 18 QT 1 Kings 8 22 30

QT 1 Kings 8:22-30

April 18, 2015

In today’s QT, Solomon prays to God. He praises him for who HE is. It’s amazing how easily I forget this. Having this quiet time with the Word helps though. It reminds me. It awakes me. It let’s me live.

Application: pray for 30 minutes

2015 04 16 QT 1 Kings 8 12 21

QT 1 Kings 8:12-21

April 16, 2015

In today's QT, David's heart to do build a temple for the LORD, and even though God was pleased with this, it was not God's will that David was going to be the one to build the temple for the LORD. It was Solomon. This was interesting because even if you set out to do something for the LORD, it is still ultimately up to the LORD's will.

Application: pray for 30 minutes

2015 04 15 QT 1 Kings 8 1 11

1 Kings 8:1-11

April 15, 2015

In today's QT, the Arc of the Covenant is brought into the temple of the LORD, and the LORD's presence enters the temple of the LORD.

Every day is a battle, and there is no chance of winning without the LORD's help.

"No temptations has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

Temptations are great, but God is greater. The LORD is present in my temple. I cannot just do what I want to do HE cannot be where it is not holy. It's a choice, and temptations come in my forms including thoughts, media, a little bit of money that can be had for free, whatever form it comes in, they come down to a choice. A choice between the falling for temptations and denying God's holiness, or be with God. You can fall for temptations, and you can get back up through his grace, but this is not the best.

Some internet quotes that caught my eyes yesterday: pain today, strength tomorrow. I thought it seems to apply to a lot of things including overcoming temptations. It's painful to fight sin, but this pain will become strength.

There are strategies and tactics in business, and it would only make sense to apply the same discipline in fighting sin. Overall strategy would be to be with God always, some tactics would be to remind myself, and keep busy with good things whatever may be.

Application: ...

2015 04 14 QT 1 Kings 7 23 51

QT 1 Kings 7:23-51

April 14, 2015

Today's QT further describes details of how things were inside the temple of the LORD. Seems like lots of wonderful new stuff made of bronze and gold. Solomon also brings in the old silver and gold furnishings his father David dedicated to the Lord and puts them in the treasuries of the temple of the LORD. All of this seems to indicate importance of the old as well as the new. The foundations that have been laid that enable the new. It makes me think about all the old stuff I take for granted. There are so many analogies that can be made here. Actually, everything that exists today is based on something older. Literally, everything. And all of it originates from the LORD. There is nothing new. Even new ideas, and based on old ideas.

Maybe I'm getting old. I'll be turning 31 in two weeks. I don't feel like I'm 30 years young, but I feel more like 26 or 27, maybe 28. I take so much things for granted. There are countless things that I take for granted. I think maybe the less time you have, the less you take things for granted. A friend of mine died few months back. My father almost died twice in the past year. There is no time to not appreciate every moment of it allowed by God.

Application: have a good TIME at dinner

2015 04 13 QT Kings 7 1 22

QT Kings 7:1-22

April 13, 2015

It took Solomon 7 years to build the temple of the LORD, but took 13 years to build his own palace. QT reflection says that God is against any king who builds his house with cedar (Jer. 22:14-15) and I remember reading from the proverbs about how king should be concerned with the people, and not his own luxuries. I thought Solomon failed near the end of his life when he took on many wives, but it seems that Solomon's heart was turning towards himself sooner than that. Solomon is suppose to have such great wisdom, he sadly does this. I wonder if someone else wrote the Proverbs because he doesn't seem to practice what he preaches. Maybe he wrote it after learning from all his mistakes. Jesus on the hand is the true king. He did not seek his own luxuries, but serves his people.

Looking at my life, I must watch out that I'm not doing the same thing as Solomon. It wasn't that Solomon neglected to build the temple of the LORD, or that he just totally ignored God all together, but that he's built greater palace for himself. His priorities was out of whack. As a business man, business is high up there in my priorities. My "business of youth" has recently been climbing my priorities ladder, though it's not doing so well, or actually sadly pretty much non-existent as of now, though I'm starting to see lots of potential. I must pursue these as they are high priority, but I must never put God second. And as a king of my life myself who has a king in heaven with examples to follow, I must not seek luxuries for myself, but to serve HIS people as HE did.

Application: check up on some folks

2015 04 12 QT Kings 6 14 38

QT 1 Kings 6:14-38

April 12, 2015

Today's QT details the fine points of the temple of the LORD. It took 7 years 6 months to build it. It makes me think how long it takes to build my temple of the body. I've been a believer of Jesus Christ little over 4 years now. That's actually about the time Solomon started building the temple of the LORD, in his 4th year as a King. And it took 7 more years finish building it. I don't know exactly when I've started building my temple, but I think I already started, but it's far from being finished. Just yesterday, with all the joyful worship of the LORD at United Worship, God revealed to me yet another big pile of feces in my heart. I've been being indifferent toward someone I don't even know because of my own issues. It hit me when we were singing "Oh, how he loves us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves us oh." The "us" part hit me because he loves me, but he loves us even more, and there I was with a shameful seed in my heart. I had to let it go, and I did. I was shortsighted by my own desires, and I let something that prevents the LORD from being present in my temple into my temple.

Yesterday was pretty awesome day. Had dimsum with couple of friends, got some coffee, went shopping, got some ice cream, went to United Worship practice, and then United Worship, and our choir was awesome. It was such a joy to have been part of it, praising the LORD, and the some of the musical talents there that gathered with were God-given, and we were God-driven there together. Not that many people showed up, but it didn't matter. The LORD was there, and HE was pleased.

I'm so blessed. God so loves me, so loves us. I can't thank enough all that has already taken place, but HE plans for more. What I need to do is spread the love I'm receiving, and watch out I don't let my sinful self take dumps in my temple. I must fill it with the Holy Spirit and leave no room for evil to seep into any cracks.

Application: love

2015 04 11 QT 1 Kings 6 1 13

QT 1 Kings 6:1-13

April 11, 2015

In today's QT, Solomon builds the temple of the LORD. As it was completed, the word of the LORD came to him and said HE will fulfill the promises HE made with David through him if he follows HIS decrees, carry out HIS regulation, and obey all HIS commandants. I know that Solomon fails at this. The wisest man in the old testament fails to do what seems to be a simple enough task given by the LORD. That's why Jesus had to come. Who can possibly earn grace. It had to be given. Who can possibly make the universe, everything, and everyone in it. It had to given.

I'm so weird. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a simulation. There is no way for me to know for sure. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm supposed to do some things differently. I had a weird experience when I was young. After school, instead of going home, I stopped by the arcade, and I left my red bicycle outside, which I received as birthday present, and it was stolen when I came out of the arcade. This is fine, but a few days later, I read a book that literally told this story, and inside this was more stories about video game characters' lives inside their video games. One of them in particular was a man on a bike doing jumps through landscape and dodging obstacles. He would keep getting hurt in the game over and over because of bad jumps and hitting obstacles. I remember feeling bad for him for getting hurt all the time, but also for being trapped inside a video game. To this day, I don't know if this is some kind of custom story book my parents decided to have someone write so teach me a lesson, or if it was my imagination. But I'm no different than the bike character. I'm sort of trapped in this universe. I try things, go through jumps and hoops to get more points in this life, hit obstacles, get hurt, and repeat the next day. What is the point? Happiness I suppose. Yeah, happiness is quite wonderful. The thing about happiness is that it doesn't happen when you're by yourself. It happens while you're with others in a harmonic way. I beauty in music and systems work the same way. For this to happen, there are definitions that have been preset, the way things are, set by God. I mean if this is a simulation, someone had to have made the simulation, and decided how things are simulated. I don't know where this is going, but I need to out to lunch soon. If all of this was a simulation, I believe the Creator to be the God of the bible. I've encountered nothing else in my life that answers my questions better. I'm not saying that everything makes perfect sense. It requires leap of faith, but it's the best answers to life I've encountered, and everything is in has been of the truth for me.

I sometimes see glimpses of happiness in me, in people, as well as potential for happiness between people. Often unrealized, often because of fear. The social quota to fit into a box that everyone is comfortable and the fear that you don't quite fit into the box. I suppose there might be chaos if everyone did whatever they wanted. But it's hard to be real with a lot of people and to get to know them because of this. Everyone has a face on that fits the box, and everyone is a box, including myself, and it's really hard to tell what's inside the box, including myself. It gets worse between the sexes. I don't have a solution. I trust in the LORD to guide my step each and every day.

Lastly, I think possibly the only real yet temporary escape from this universe is through prayer.

Application: praise the LORD with joy and thankfulness at United Worship

2015 04 10 QT 1 Kings 5 1 18

QT 1 Kings 5:1-18

April 10, 2015

I what today's QT reflection said. First of all, it compares temple-building situation between Solomon, David, and me. In today's QT, Solomon starts building the temple for the LORD. He goes on to say that his father King David wanted, but couldn't do it because his was still fighting with his enemies. Unlike David, Solomon won against his enemies had peace in his country. So, he starts building his temple. The QT reflection draws an analogy between this and how enemies are sins, and temple of the LORD is my body. I can only build my temple once I have won against my enemies, sin, death, and Satan. Now, I have already won the war through Jesus. I'm justified. But daily battles against myself continues as I'm sanctified. My temple is only as holy as long as I have peace in my life by having beaten my enemies each day.

Every morning is a battle to regain thankfulness. Anyone is any situation can both be thankful or ungrateful. If I'm not thankful, then I start complaining. I was just about to complain about how much work I got done yesterday and yet how much work and polishing is still left before this thing is released. But I love doing this, and I'm very good at this, and when I'm didn't have time for this, I so wanted time to do this, now I get to, I can't be losing my thankfulness just because I'm feeling a little overworked. After all I'm overworking myself. I should pace myself, but then it goes a lot slower. I have this habbit of youtubing, netflixing, texting or something on the side as I work. It makes me less focused, but it also kind of paces me down. When I don't do this, I seem to work until I can't work anymore, and my work doesn't have an end!!! It's not a 9-to-5 kind of work. It's whatever-time-I-have-I-gotta-put-the-time-in kind of work. But nice thing is I can break whenever I want to for however long I want to, but I suppose that's a dangerous thing as well. I don't know. I need to get out a little more, or maybe exercise.

Application: go running for 1 hour

2015 04 09 QT 1 Kings 4 20 34

QT 1 Kings 4:20-34

April 9, 2015

I have mixed feelings about a lot of things today. I suppose there is nothing to feel bad about, but something I thought might be something was not. I suppose that goes to show how much wisdom I have... not much. God has a better path for me. Well at least I'm glad some questions have been answered, but many more questions pop up, so more time with the Lord is needed.

Something new I noticed in today's qt is that "general knowledge" or "cleverness" is considered "wisdom". I didnt' think this was the case. I thought "reverence for the Lord" is wisdom, but today's qt talks about how Solomon described plant life, taught about animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, which is more knowledge than wisdom, but maybe since he's the one who figured it out, it's more wisdom. In the end, it all comes from wisdom. Without wisdom, he may have wasted his time pursuing foolish things.

I have a lot of work in front of me. A lot of the exciting stuff has been figured out, and a lot of grunt work to implement what's been figured out is left. It's not that much, but it's kind of manual labor. I don't know why I don't like manual labor, or any work that doesn't involve squeezing out creativity. I should be able to wire up everything within a day or two if I really immerse myself into it, or it can take a week or two if I take it easy. I suppose full immersions best thing to do right now.

Application: listen to Luke as I work

2015 04 08 QT 1 Kings 4 1 19

QT 1 Kings 4:1-19

April 8, 2015

Today's QT lists a bunch of Solomon's chief officials. QT reflection goes on to talk about how event he wisest man (besides Jesus) to have ever lived according to bible, had advisors, and that in todays' terms, where every person in the democratic world who is essentially their own kings and queens, it's similar to us having a pastor, a secretary, a lawyer, a general, a friend to help each kings and queens of their lives guide their lives. Looking at my life, I've been blessed with a few, like my spirtually-awake pastor, handful of brilliant and spirtually-awake friends I can confide in, and my father. I do not have a wife, who would probably end up being the biggest advisor of them all if I had one. On the flip side, I wonder if I'm an advisor to anyone. I think I'm blessed to be advisors to a few people, to some as a spiritually-awake friend, and to some as a technical and business advisor. And hopefully, I'll be a husband, and a father as well.

The greatest advisors of them all is the Word and the Holy Spirit. It would be like being lost on the road without the Word and prayers. It's easy to get lost because, it's work to read the bible and pray. It's kind of like food. You have to eat to live, and you know this, and you want food, and food even taste good, but you don't want to put the work into cooking and the cleaning after. When the food is served though, it's good. And just like food quality of food matters. Higher quality food requires more effort, or more money to purchase, but it's good.

Application: cook Romans

2015 04 07 QT 1 Kings 3 16 28

QT 1 Kings 3:16-28

April 7, 2015

In today’s QT, Solomon displays the wisdom God gave. It was a very clever way to determine the true mother. So, after spending some time thinking about what to ask for God yesterday, it came down to this line of thinking. Well, first I know that there is God’s vision to save everyone, and I want my father to be saved sooner rather than later, along with everyone who’s currently suffering injustice or being prosecuted for being Christians, and most importantly just being able to be with God at all times. There are many great non-selfish things to ask for, however I think when God was asking Solomon, he was asking for something on the selfish side. The times were different. Solomon lived in a time before Christ, and I live in a world after Christ. There is the bible and the holy spirit. All the wisdom I might ever need, I already have full access to through the bible and the Holy Spirit, if I don’t get in the way. It’s not that the wisdom is not there, but it’s that I don’t always seek it, and that sometime I get in the way the interpretation, and interpret it however I want it to be interpreted. Then, it seem the greatest thing to have in Christ-saved world is ability for myself to die with Jesus like in Galatians 2:20 - I have been crucified with Christ such that I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. This too is possible through the Holy Spirit. A thankful heart was also something that is there, but strangely difficult to hold on to after a while. Anyways, yesterday, I was leaning toward wisdom, but now as I’m doing my QT, possibly the best thing to ask God for is crucifixion of myself with Christ, and Christ living in my body.

Application: pray 1 hour for crucifixion of myself with Christ, and for him to live in me.

2015 04 06 QT 1 Kings 3 1 15

QT 1 Kings 3:1-15

April 6, 2015

In today's QT, God appeared to Solomon in a dream, and asked him "Ask for whatever you want, and I will give it to you." and Solomon asks for wisdom. God is pleased, and grants him wisdom. I wonder what I would ask for, and wonder what I'm asking in my prayers. Would He be pleased? Solomon's situation is that he's a king, and he could pretty much have anything worldly as a king, and I suppose that's similar to everything money can buy today, he can have any of that, so it wouldn't make sense to ask for that. It would only make sense to ask God for something he can't get on his own. Now, wisdom is certainly something you cannot get on your own. You can't buy knowledge in a sense that it requires some capacity and effort on your part, but it is unclear how you get wisdom. It's something you can't quite put a finger on and say hey, this is wisdom, this is how you get it. I wonder what other things he could have asked God for. In today's QT, God says he's happy that Solomon didn't ask for long life, or wealth for himself, or death of enemies, or ability to judge well. These are all things you can't buy either. I've been reading proverbs a lot lately, which is supposed to have been written by Solomon, and I think one of things he did not have a wise wife. He goes on at least couple of times about how bad a nagging wife can be. Solomon had many wives, probably the most pretty people he could find, and he also had wives for political reasons, but in the end, all of these wives gave him trouble. Now I keep going back to this proverb 31:30 Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the LORD should be praised. This is supposedly written by Solomon after all he's been through. Now, in my life, I've never been the one to take advice from other people. I've often asked for advice, only to consider them, but then I'd have to try it out and experience it myself. This has both pros and cons. Pro is the what I know, I know for certain based on my own experience and I can sort of feel that I've made some decisions in my life, but con is that it's costly, and it hurts, but you learn from it. Now, I've seen how some of my friends lives, and some of them live by their parent's word all their life. They've bypassed all the problems they might have had to face had they made some of the decisions themselves, but at the same time, they don't know what's on the other side had they gone the other way, and they often seem to feel that they're not living their own life. Now, which is better? I'm biased to say the way my father let him do whatever I wanted is better, but at the same time, whenever I can remember an advice that I should have taken at the time I heard it, rather than realizing that such advice was good after the fact, I think to myself, I should have taken that advice, but this is how I learn, by trial and error. I think this way makes the most sense for someone who does not believe in God. Now, since I do believe in God, things are and have been a little different. I take advices in the bible very seriously. It's the advice my creator gave me to save me some trouble, so it'd be foolish for me to not take it, right? It's easier said than done though. The world loves physically beautiful women, and it treats them different, and that itself must be impacting them in some ways that it makes it difficult for them to be let go of the world. I think this is possibly one of the reasons it's difficult to find a woman who's beautiful both inside and out. I suppose beauty on the outside is subjective. More importantly, beauty on the outside disappears. Anyways, what would I ask for if I'm in Solomon's shoes?

Application: think through out the day and pray at the end of the day about what I would ask for if I was in Solomon's shoes, and ask for it.

2015 04 05 QT Matthew 28 1 10

QT Matthew 28:1-10

April 5, 2015

This is starting point of the good news, the good news about the resurrection of Jesus Christ. How would people's lives change if the closest person they knew dies and comes back to life, and tell them about God. Some will surely doubt even then, saying it was a trick, forever trapping themselves in their own doubtfulness. So, then, it is like he said, blessed are those who believe without seeing. What kind of changes would one see though if someone did witness their closest person die and come back to life to tell them about God and the kingdom of heaven? Generally speaking, I would imagine it would be like as if the kingdom of heaven down here on earth. On a more personal level, that person would be living as though they are waiting to go to heaven, and the things of this world would be seen as temporary. None of the world would really matters except for the souls in it.

I have believed in Jesus and his resurrection for some time now, yet my life is not fully what I'm supposing someone's would be if someone really believed. It inches toward it, and it's hard to let go of things of this world, but I know this as well as anyone else that in order to pick up something new, you have to let go something else. Today's the 5th Easter since I started believing in Jesus. I've grown a lot in faith over the time, and I feel that this Easter is going to be yet another great turning point, and big growth of my faith in Jesus Christ. How will it be different? I don't exactly know, but I've been praying for 1 hour for the past few days, and I initially thought that was crazy idea, but now I'm thinking it's so great, and it's been crazy for me not to. It's kind of been the same thing with QT. I've been doing them daily for like 4 months now, and my church has been pushing everyone to do QT everyday for so long, and I'm just reaping the benefits. Sure it takes a lot of time, but the quality of remaining time after that time's been spent is different. God is the one who gives and takes away time to begin with anyways.

Application: worship in joy

2015 04 05 Easter Sunday KMUMC Choir

Easter Sunday KMUMC Choir

예수 피를 힘 입어, 무덤 이기신 예수

2015 04 04 QT 1 Peter 4 1 8

QT 1 Peter 4:1-8

April 4, 2015

Verse 1: Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin.

Ok, so I know that Christ suffered in his body, but how do I arm myself with the same attitude? And what attitude is this? I ask because I sadly find myself that I'm not done with sin. I desperately want to be done with sin, but I do not know why I keep falling. What attitude must I arm myself with to finally be done with sin. What does it mean to be done with sin. Is it possible to not sin. I would say it's not, but maybe that's just what the evil one wants me to think. This verse clearly says that someone can be done with sin. Maybe done with sin does not mean that he does not sin. After repentance, I'm forgiven, in that way, is that being done with sin? But true repentance comes with turning around of life. Just saying "I repent" is not repenting. If I find myself that I keep falling in some way, maybe I have not really repented. My pastor in recent sermons keeps asking if we've fought with sin as if we're fighting for your life. I have fought with sin, but perhaps not to this extent. What is this attitude that I must arm myself with? This verse is too difficult to understand. The NLT translation goes : "Since Christ suffered physically, you too must strengthen yourselves with the same way of thinking that he had; because whoever suffers physically is no longer involved with sin. So, in this translation, what is suffering physically? I thought maybe suffering in the body might be "the body" as the body of Christ, church, and suffering, our living sacrifice as parts of that body. But I think it means something else. Have I suffered physically myself? With Christ? Or does it mean to have attitude as if I have suffered with Christ? Maybe this is on track. Jesus never gave into sin. He was innocent, but suffered ultimately by sin. By submitting to my own sinful nature, I become the same tools of sin who killed made Jesus suffer. I don't want to do that, but why do I do that? Perhaps because I don't think about this enough, and because I haven't armed myself with this attitude enough. This makes sense. I believe this when I dig down deep enough, but it seems I forget it.

Application: live today thinking that my submitting to sin, I am making Christ suffer, and since I'm part of Christ, I'm making myself suffer, so why would I submit to sin. Pray for 1 hour.

2015 04 03 QT Luke 23 33 46

QT Luke 23:33-46

April 3, 2015

In today's QT, Jesus says "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." This man did not believe in Jesus in a sense that he just saw him as a man who has done nothing wrong. He however did fear God and sided with Jesus. Jesus extends his grace to this criminal, instantly saving him, for whatever happened during this short moment.

After praying for an hour yesterday, which was really difficult, I called my dad. I told him I'm pretty much done with school now, and I just have to go to class a few more times and write a paper. Then he told me he prays to God all the time for my green card in the US. I didnt' say anything at the time, but looking back, I think I could have asked him to pray in Jesus's name. Even though, his request is something I want myself, it seemed like his relationship with him and God was that of a magician and a magic wand. I was kind of doing the same thing pretty much half of the time I was praying for an hour. I did however in the end, let it go, and said if the what I'm praying is against your will, you will be done, and I meant it, not that I have stopped requesting. But that put my heart at peace. Requesting, requesting, and requesting alone does not bring God's peace it seems. Even though, by requesting, you are implying his dominance over all things, but if you are insisting on your request, then you are making God smaller than yourself, which means you're on your own, which is not a peaceful state. True peace under God's kingdom is not only a comforting thing, but also a powerful thing. I still rely too much on myself when facing trouble, especially decisions. Each decision has its pros and cons, but the pros and cons I can measure at from my vantage point, which is not complete. A better approach is to ask the living God to make the decision for me from his vantage of point. But I think the difficult part, is listening to God and understanding which way God wants you to go, because I get in the way. Another perspective on this is that God really doesn't care which way I go. He wants me to go his way, and there is only one way, or one destination. Whatever decisions I make, if I base it on that factor alone, as to whether it's the best path towards that destination or not, makes decision making easy. There are some things where it doesn't really matter which way, in which case, it doesn't really matter. For example, choosing between Coke and Pepsi for lunch. Who cares, should probably go with water. But there are some big decisions do make a bigger difference than these, and so far I have been weighing those decisions without measuring stick. I have that measuring stick, I know it, and it guides my life for the most part, but I have not explicitly tried to use it for making big decisions. Maybe it's make things clear, or maybe not, but I should give it a try.

Application: pray for 1 hour

2015 04 02 QT Matthew 26 36 46

QT Matthew 26:36-46

April 2, 2015

In today's QT, the disciples' inability to do as Jesus does even while with him is both a comforting and discomforting thought. It's comforting because it's comforting to know that even they couldn't do that well. It makes me shortcomings seem smaller. At the same time, it's discomforting because well it's pushing me to try harder. Also, I see how difficult it was even for Jesus to do what he intended to do, but he knew what he had to do, and he obeyed in the end. He presented his request, but ultimately yielded to God's will. God is a living God, and he sends signs. I see the signs now and then, but I don't understand it, and I'm not sure if it's just me who wants to see it a certain way for myself, or if he really means it that way, or if it's the evil one trying to do his thing. I can sense my life closing in toward yet another critical moment in my life. Now is the time to pray more than ever, and stay awake, and keep watch. Do what Jesus told his disciples to do to the best of my capabilities.

Application: pray for 1 hour

2015 04 01 QT Hebrews 9 11 22

QT Hebrews 9:11-22

April 1, 2015

Verse 14: How much more, then will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

I like this verse. Seems to make amends with my undeniable propensity towards sin. Cleanses my consciences from acts that lead to death, so that I may serve the living God. What other way is there to live with the guilt? Ignorance is one, but once you become aware of something, there is no going back to ignorance. Also, ignorance is like walking blindfolded on a minefield. There might seem like there is a sense of careless joy in ignorance, but there's fear underneath it all.

The purpose is to serve the living God. He came and bled, and cleansed, so that I may serve the living God, not so that I may serve myself. This is going against the grain. Might seem stupid, but is actually wise and best. What am I doing to serve the living God? Kind of nothing, except to assist his will taking place within and around me. What is his will? It's stated through the Word, and it comes down to loving God, and loving others. That's the big picture, and the details are lead by the Holy Spirit.

I have a ton of super exciting work for my business in front of me. It's probably the most exciting business work I've ever had the pleasure of working on, and it's so much fun and all to begin with, but I can't forget why I do it. It's not just for fun, or for the possibility of it becoming a much wider stream for God to pour his blessing, but for loving God and for loving others. The thing is that it takes a lot of time, and to loving God and loving others also take time. That's the conflict. Do I start getting into the flow of working on this, or do I go to Wednesday service? I was going to work and skip Wednesday service, but since I'm writing this, I should probably go to Wednesday service. Thank God for this wisdom.

Application: praise the Lord @@ Wednesday worship service

2015 03 31 QT Romans 5 6 11

Romans 5:6-11

March 31, 2015

Today’s QT is about demonstration of God’s love. God’s love is to those who cannot possible repay. God’s love is for the ungodly - sounds like me. God’s love is timeless.

In QT reflection, it talks about how the world’s love, people's love, is a feeling as opposed to God’s definition of love is an act of sacrifice. I think parental love is more like that of God’s love. People love, or that unexplainable feeling between two people is temporary. I wonder though if love like that of God’s love is possible between two people. I don’t know if that even makes any sense. The proposition seems so unappealing. On the other hand, people-kind of love, that’s like drugs. It’s wonderful, but artificial and doesn’t last, but it’s wonderful in the beginning, so wonderful that your priorities get messed up. Is that the kind of love that I’m seeking? Is there something else? Supposedly, I’ve been told, it’s best for two people to be looking at God and walking next to each other in alignment rather than walking towards each other and bumping into each other. But that temporary euphoric phase might be a necessary step for two people to get together. Otherwise, it might be so dry, or business-like.

I don’t know why my QT recently always seems to be going down this path, but maybe it’s not a bad thing. The business of youth needs some attention in my life. I need more prayer in this area. Last night, I was reading proverbs, and in Proverbs 31, found couple interesting verses in couple of passages. One is from Advice to a King, and the other is from The Capable Wife.

In Advice to a King, Proverbs 31:6: Alcohol is for people who are dying, for those who are in misery.

In The Capable Wife, Proverbs 31:30: Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the LORD should be praised.

Application: read proverbs

2015 03 30 QT 1 Chronicles 1 18 25

QT 1 Chronicles 1:18-25

March 30, 2015

I missed two days of QT, and I cannot miss it again, but I don't know what today's QT is about. It's a list of names that I do not know. It kind of feels like my life where I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm just doing it. I'm 30, and turning 31 within a month, and I know what I'm doing, but at the same time, I don't know what I'm doing. I guess I feel this way because I don't know what I'm doing in the business of youth. "Business of youth" is a term of I heard yesterday over a dinner feast I was invited to, and it's something I've not been all that passionate about. Perhaps it was sacrificed to make room for my "Business Business". I know what I'm doing in my "Business Business." It's hard, but also natural to me, and fun. I could work harder, but it's a creative process, and I'm happy with its progress and growth as it is not totally taking over my balance of life. I guess kind of know what I'm doing spiritually as well. I'm happy with its progress and growth, though I can certainly put more effort toward this as well. Where I'm kind of sucking is this area "youth business" like dating. I'm turning 31 soon, and I want to have found someone to love in marriage, but I'm not even dating anyone right now. It's almost coming to a year since I last dated, and perhaps I need to put more effort into this area. I don't put a lot of effort into it, not because I don't want to succeed in this area, but because I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't want to screw things up where things are much more difficult to patch when people's feelings get hurt, including my own. God has gifted me in many ways, but knowing what to do in this area is not one of them. Plus, I care too little about my clothes, or I care, but I don't want to put the effort it. I care about girls' looks a lot, possibly, probably more than I really should, but I can't lie to myself. Why then do I hope that they wouldn't care about my looks. The difficult part for me, I think, is choosing. I like white clothes, because it's like lack of color, or full of color scientifically, which probably is a color itself, but if I had multiples of one type of clothing of one type color, I wouldn't have to put effort into choosing between clothes. Choice means giving up another, and sometime I make wrong choices, and pay the consequences. One thing I'm so glad to have to chosen is choosing to believe, which was ultimately grace from God, but that choice was a hard one as well. I suppose "youth business" the choice is also a super important one. Not as important as choosing to believe, but more important than "business business" decisions or clothing decisions. They're all kind of connected. What I choose to wear, what I choose to believe, what I choose to do in business, and who I choose to be with, all mixed up in this life of happiness and confusion. So what do I do?

Application: pray, go to all morning prayers this week, fast Thursday lunch to Friday night

2015 03 29 Palm Sunday KMUMC Choir

Palm Sunday KMUMC Choir

March 29, 2015

2015 03 27 QT 1 Kings 2 13 25

QT 1 Kings 2:13-25

March 27, 2015

Before even starting today's QT, after having read some other's QT, I kind of knew what I had to do. In today's QT, Adonijah keeps at it in trying to take the throne by trying to get married to someone close to David. Solomon decides to kill him and does. A lot comes to mind. First, Solomon kills him for requesting, for the intent, not even the actual action. This is different from how the world deals wit things in the justice system, but it's how it works with sin. Jesus says to even by just thinking about it, you commit adultery, and even by even by hating someone, you kill someone. It seems extreme, but that's how serious it is and that's how it works. Solomon decides to cut it out. And that brings to what I need to do today, and I've finally been given the signal through today's QT. I want to run fast and get far in all that I do, and that means letting go of things that weigh me down, and there is one thing that has been taking a lot of my time, and that is SimCity on my iPad. I got to cut it out decisively like Solomon.

Application: delete SimCity now.

2015 03 26 QT 1 Kings 2 1 12

QT 1 Kings 2:1-12

March 26, 2015

In today’s QT, David dies and says his last words to Solomon. Some of the things, to follow God all makes sense, but near the end, it seems like David is passing information others that would go against Jesus’s teachings. He’s not telling him to forgive, but to not let them die in peace. I guess it was a different time, and David is a man. Then David also gives advice as to look after people who looked after him in his times of trouble. I have a lot of people who’s helped me over the years, and also who's stay by my dad’s side, like my current stepmom. I don’t know her very well, but my dad has already told me similar things about her like what David told Solomon about sons of Barzillai of Gilead that helped him when he was fleeing from Absalom. I’m not in any hugely strong position like that of Solomon with his thrown, but I should do what I can.

Application: ...

2015 03 25 QT 1 Kings 38 53

QT 1 Kings 1:38-53

March 25, 2015

In today's QT, I see similarities between the relationship between Adonijah and Solomon and relationship between me and Jesus. Adonijah is out for himself with aspirations of his own, wanting to become king, while the true the real king Solomon is merciful with Adonijah. I'm flickering between being like Adonijah and letting Jesus drive, and when I fail, Jesus is merciful.

Repenting also comes to mind. To repent isn't to just say sorry, or ask for forgiveness, it's to turn around, and go the other way. I think I remember a scene from the old testament when some people were saved from the fires set on Sodom and they were told not to look back, but someone did, and become stone. I think repenting is kind of like that, you turn away from Sodom, and you go the other way without looking back. It's not easy, but if you think about it, it's easier than turning back and either becoming stone or having to be saved again. Then why am I so stupid to fall back to my senseless ways now and then? Why can't I just run? Maybe I can, and I will try again. I want to be running hard both spiritually and in my work. There are distractions.

Application: catch up on bible study, do not watch netflix? do not play chess? do not play sim city?

2015 03 24 QT 1 Kings 1 28 37

1 Kings 1:28-37

March 24, 2015

In today's QT King David keeps his promise to Bathsheba and makes makes Solomon his successor. It makes me think about promises, both the promises I made to others, as well as the promise God made me through the Word. Despite my best efforts, I have not always been able to keep all of my promises, but God keeps all of his. That's not to say that he has to keep it because he has the authority and right not to however he wills, but he just does so that I can put my faith in him. Off the top of my head, God promises peace in prayer, and this has always been true, and it's testable any time of the day. God also promises basic needs, and it has been the case. God also promises good things for those who serve him, even though it might not appear that way at times, in the long-run, yes, and I can testify to to this as well. And bases on these promises, there is the ultimate promise of eternal life in heaven, complete reunion and peace with God. This I cannot testify yet, but believe. Also, God reigns. Doesn't matter if I close or open my eyes. What is happening is happening. To talk about what is happening, it burdens my heart. The world is a tragic. I don't know how I live with such indifference and ignorance. But what's the alternative? Get upset? For what? What will that achieve? Praying for those tragedies is just about the only thing I can do. Compared to those tragedies, I can't be anything but thankful.

Application: pray

2015 03 23 QT Kings 1 1 27

QT Kings 1:1-27

March 23, 2015

In today's QT, Adonijah is proclaiming himself to be King himself "I will be king." and cause a commotion toward legitimatizing his own will by inviting everyone and killing a lot of cattles and such. This is stark contrast of the current King David, who God has made king who was also legitimized a great soldier in battles. Adonijah's attempt on the other hand seems like a desperate attempt to matter. The motives behind his will to become a king is most likely purely of self-interest. This is not a good start for a king. There is no need for him like a revolution, or any legitimacy there would be if David named him in a coronation.

Yesterday, and just recently in general, I am seeing some people go through some really tough situations. Things I have only though about, and can't even imagine what it would be like. It made me look at things I sweat over in my life. Things, I have called or have felt were and are hardships of my life look easy by contrast. One of these things is something I have been indifferent (dead) about as I've thought about it before in the past, and there was simply nothing I can do. Even now, there is nothing I can do, but I felt that I should really start praying about it having encountered someone who's smack in the middle, directly affected by the mess in pain and suffering.

So much going through my mind and heart right now that I can't make sense. Work is so easy compared to the real wicked problems of this world. Maybe that's why I'm turned off by politics, and prefer business and technology over other things.

Application: pray

2015 03 21 QT John 21 15 25

QT John 21:15-25

March 21, 2015

QT with the Gospel of John is ending with today’s QT. Jesus asks Peter the same questions three times “Do you love me”? and when Peter answers yes three times, but the command Jesus gave after Peter answered yes is a little different. I’m not sure if it’s of any significance, but it caught my eye that Jesus responds to the first the Peter says yes with “Feed my lambs.” with lambs being plural. Lamb is a a young sheep. And second time Jesus responds to Peter’s yes, he says “Take care of my sheep” with sheep being singular. And the 3rd times Jesus responds, he says “Feed my sheep."

Is there a significance to the subtle differences? I just look at some other peoples commentaries on this passage from various sites on the internet, and the general sense I get now is that in the first time Jesus commands to Peter, he’s telling him to feed the young (in faith, not age), those who are just starting to believe, to nurture them with spiritual food. And in the second time when Jesus says to “Take care” seems to be saying to “watch over, govern” the sheep, and the sheep here, I think, is singular because he’s referring to the believers who form the body of Christ which are one in Christ. Lastly Jesus says to “Feed the sheep” singular again, as believers too require continued nurturing of the spiritual food.

I can relate to having been a lamb receiving nurturing from the sheep, and now having grown spiritually to act as part of one body of Christ in nurturing lambs with the Word and through our sacrifices, as well as in taking care of and feeding the sheep ourselves with the Word and our sacrifices and support for each other. I’m grateful for having been fed as a lamb, and to have grown spiritually to be feeding other lambs as well as the sheep, including myself. This… is perhaps the greatest miracle of Jesus, the one body of Christ.

Application: feed the lambs, take care of the sheep, and feed the sheep

2015 03 20 QT John 21 1 14

QT John 21:1-14

March 20, 2015

Peter who has denied Jesus three times before the rooster crowed, along with other disciples, are now back at work fishing for fishes in today’s QT. Jesus, after coming back to life, appears to them by the shore when they’re fishing, cooks breakfast for them, and allows them many fishes to be caught. All of this was in forgiveness of Peter. It’s amazing. To be like this requires a heart greater than seas. Peter, even though, he feels bad for having denied Jesus in front of other when he was being crucified, runs to Jesus still when he finds out it’s him. This scene and Peter’s character, and Jesus’ grace is such a good encapsulation of my life, and probably most all Christian lives. We all fail in one way or another before Jesus. Like Peter, I can not stand innocent or righteous before Jesus, and if Jesus was not Jesus, it would make sense to avoid him, but instead, because it’s Jesus, even though I have nothing, I still I run to him because of who he is and his love and grace. If and when I feel as though I need to hide from Jesus, that is the evil one playing his trickery on me, as that’s precisely what he aims to do, to separate and put distance between me and Jesus. I can stand before Jesus, no matter how guilty I am, so long as I come repenting for my wrongdoings, even if I keep failing. There is no way to not fail in one way or another. There is no way to earn the right to stand before him, or earn forgiveness. It’s been, and it’s being given, so that I can get better. It’s not that I can stand before him because I am good, that I need to be good in order to stand before him. It’s that he stands with me because I’m weak, that I need to be with him in order to be good.

Application: call dad

2015 03 19 QT John 20 24 31

John 20:24-31

March 19, 2015

Verse 29: Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Every believer of Jesus’s resurrection that I know including myself fall under this category, and we are blessed for our faith. The blessings come in many forms, and sometimes, it might look like a curse in the eyes of unbelievers, but from the vantage point of God who is the only one who sees all and knows all, it’s good. That’s not to say that sins we commit bring their own share of pain and suffering on their own. But even the pain and suffering we bring ourselves through our entrapment of sin, God still turns it around and uses for our good and his good in the end. So, not everything is good, but everything is good, if that makes any sense. Finally, it doesn’t matter how much God wants to bless us if we refuse to accept those blessings, and the greatest of those blessings is being with him, which we can only do if we are spiritually awake each day and each hour.

I wake up with QT, and sometimes I don’t want to do it, but as I do it, I’m glad that I’m doing it. I think this is similar to when I first started believing. I wasn’t sure, but as I am believing, I’m glad that I’m believing. That old world is a pretty sad place. And this new world is a pretty hard place. But hard is usually a good thing.

Application: re-listen to Romans

2015 03 18 QT John 20 11 23

John 20:11-23

March 18, 2015

Verse 23: If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.

This verse stood out to me because it was contrary to my understanding. It says here that the disciples who have just been given the Holy Spirit now have the power to forgive anyone their sins. Is this where Catholic confessions have originated? Exactly who holds this power today? Was it just those disciples who were there? Is it their descendants? Or is it every follower of Jesus including myself?

My understanding is that when I sin, I need to repent and ask God for his forgiveness directly, and my sins are forgiven on the basis of my faith in Jesus. Jesus has opened this gate for me through his sacrifice. Why then does Jesus say this, and even more questionable is why does he give them power to not forgive, such that they will not be forgiven.

So, looking at some interpretations of this verse on the internet, gave me the perspective that since now Jesus was going away, he intended the disciples to be able to say to the people who accept the Gospel that they have been forgiven, and say to the people who reject the Gospel that they have not been forgiven. This seems to make sense to me. I suppose then this power belongs to all believers and the with this power also comes the responsibility to spread the Gospel.

Application: think about how I can spread the Gospel

2015 03 17 QT John 20 1 10

John 20:1-10

March 17, 2015

Almost skipped QT today because I was preoccupied with some urgent matter, but these are urgent matters are not as urgent as staying awake spiritually. In today’s QT, the disciples go to Jesus’s tomb, only to find that Jesus is not there. The disciples do not know what is going on.

I recently went to a magic show. And someone long time ago told me and it is possible that Jesus pulled a magic trick. There are also movies where magicians fake their death. If there was a time machine, and I could go back to Jesus’ time, the medicine and technology I have access to in today’s times would be considered miraculous at those times. I would be a mage, and I could fire a gun, and pretend it’s a fireball.

There are infinite possibilities, but one thing happened. I cannot know for sure, and even the people like the disciples who saw what happened did not know what was going on when it happened. A doubter might say Jesus was behind the curtain of the tombstone like how a magician covers his tricks behind a curtain. Yet another doubter might say maybe Jesus had a twin. There are infinite number of these possibilities, and just one of them happened. Some theoretical physicists might even say that all of those possibilties has happened, but we live in one of those possibilities.

Then, what happened? Is it possible know for sure? But if you start asking that kind of question, is it possible to know anything for sure, except the fact that you exist? I mean I don’t really know for sure that anything I see, touch, feel exist. This computer in front of me, this keyboard I’m typing on, this floor that I’m standing on, who know’s if I’m inside the matrix?

So, under these circumstances, there are two directions you can take. I can either not know anything for sure, or believe in things. I’ve tried both directions, well maybe the former is a path of lack of directions, and ladder is a direction, but I can say that my perception of the world is night and day different depending on which way you decide to go. If you have never truly believed in Jesus, and that there is an all-powerful, all-knowing God who created it all, who loves you, knows you by the name, then you only know one way of living. I only knew this one way of living, and in that way, the world I perceived was a wild world, out of control, scary, one where your sole purpose is to survive. What kind of world is a world where you have to survive it? After much debate with myself, and searching the bible for answers, I decided to believe, my perception of the world changed. The world I now perceived was a beautiful creation, and it’s not a world you have to fight to survive, but it’s a world you have to love.

Now, I also see some people going the other way around. People who were born inside a faithful family, and blessed because of such in many ways, believing to start with, and in that sense, I would assume that they only know one way of living as a believer. And it seems many of these types of people feel they have to try going the other way. I really have no idea what their life experience is like, I’m assuming they are curious, and feel the need to experiment with their life. I wish there are things I can say to them that will save them a lot of trouble and pains, but I don’t know anything I can say that will do that. The bible is probably the only thing that can save them from themselves, but they probably wouldn’t be on that path had they been taking in the Word seriously. What can even a parent do except to pray in such situations.

I wonder if I’m making the same kind of mistakes in terms of what I am looking for in a wife. The eyes want what the eyes want, but might going for what the eyes want bring much pain and suffering? Am I curious about this and want to experiment? Will it work out in the end? The other day, in bible study, while we were discussing how difficult it is for two people to match each others wants and needs, and the directions, for a split second I thought, it it better not to marry? Apostle Paul thinks so, but I think the loneliness and the temptations would be too much for me to bare. One thing for sure is that she has to have faith. Stronger the faith, the better we’ll get along, and easier it will be to live together. Weaker the faith, more exposed to traps of sin, more likely we’ll have needless problems. What I can’t decide for the world of me is if it comes down to stronger faith vs prettier face, what will make me more happy. The holy spirit seems to be telling me stronger faith. My body seems to be telling me prettier face. My optimistic self tells me maybe there is someone who has both. My pessimistic self tells me there is no one with both. God, please lead me toward the right person, and give me the wisdom to know what’s best for me.

Application: work hard, pray before going to sleep

2015 03 16 QT John 19 31 42

John 19:32-42

March 16, 2015

In today’s QT, the Jews did not want to leave the dead bodies left on the cross during Sabbath and asks Pilate to take them down, and asks Pilate to break their legs also. Similar to how they couldn’t change the “King of the Jews” sign, the soldiers end up not breaking his legs either. This has been prophesied and it came true.

Looking at the Jews today, and how they want to keep themselves clean on Sabbath by taking the dead bodies down, while in the meantime they killed their king, is hypocritical. I think this is possibly a greater sin than actual sins themselves. It can greatly impact the faith of others, and not just my own.

Looking at my life, I still just suck at life. Sometimes, it seems, the harder I try, the more I suck at it. Maybe I’m being too idealistic about what I may be able to do without instead of relying on forgiving grace. I’d like to be perfect, without sin in any kind, but it doesn’t seem possible. I think Jesus knew it’s not possible, so that is why he had to do what he had to do, otherwise, we were all going to hell. There’s no answer, no hope, except with the graceful path Jesus has opened. Perhaps, I shouldn’t feel so bad about myself, but rather just try to do the best I can, and rest easy on the grace of Jesus.

Application: pray before going to sleep repenting and thanking him for the his grace

2015 03 15 QT John 19 23 30

John 19:23-30

March 15, 2015

In today’s QT, the thing that is standing out to me the most is when Jesus said “I am thirsty” just before his death. They soak a sponge in a jar a wine vinegar and wet Jesus’s lips. At first I wondered if this is really what he wanted. Maybe he’s talking about “the drink” or the “the cup" that he prayed would be taken away from him. Perhaps, now he felt that it is now his time to take the drink and die. So, I just looked a little more into wine vinegar, and apparently, this roman wine vinegar given to people being crucified is laced with drugs to ease the pain and suffering. Earlier when Jesus was offered this drink, he refused, supposedly to keep his mind clear in order to fulfill what must be done with clear mind. It says in verse 28 that Jesus said “I am thirsty” when he knew all was now completed. Then he says “It is finished.” and gave up his spirit.

This is a sad scene, but also a glorious one, and also a grateful one. The death is sad, but because there is this death, there is also the resurrection, which is at the core of my belief. Jesus died in this scene, but what's important is that Jesus also came back to life. This is the leap of faith that separates the saved and justified with the sacrifice of Jesus. This is the good news that this leap of faith open the way to God and to heaven, and opens the eyes and ears to see the truth and the world the way it really is. This is the red pill in the movie Matrix that let’s you see the truth, and once you’ve seen it, you can’t un-see it. One might argue ignorance to this truth is bliss. Why not just live in the world soaked up in all its sad ways in slavery to sin, be comfortable, be ignorant, and slave away build your own temporary heaven on earth? Because that is death. That is a life trapped in sin. Life of a slave driven through a nose ring pulled by an evil master to wreak havoc with the world.

On the hand, life of faith in Jesus Christ might seem like a slavery as well, but it’s really more about being part of the family of the greatest master, the one who created all. Sure, there are restrictions, and you’re not free to do whatever you want, but it’s for your own good. It’s kind of like playing in a playground. Suppose you have a backyard in a house, and there are woods behind it. There is a fence around the house. There is a parent watching a child play in the playground. As long as the child remains in the playground under the supervision of the parent, the child can play safely, and truly just play. On the other hand, if no one is watching the child, or if child was all alone in the woods, is the child playing, and is the child desperately fighting for survival in the wild? Perhaps this fighting for survival thing is appealing to some, as it was appealing to me at one point, even looked somewhat glorious, fighting for yourself, but it’s a sad life. In that scenario, you’re a fighter in a world full of fighters fighting for survival, and it’s a tiresome, jarring life that will eventually get you down. You might win some, and build yourself some things, only to try to protect it with little control that you have from others that want to fight you for it, and then in the end, it’s been for nothing, meaningless, and dry, temporary. Take the leap of faith, take the red pill, and you’re a child in a playground, at peace knowing that your parent is watching over you, being loved by the parent, learning to love others in the playground, and all that you need, given to you. Sometimes, you might ask for fire, or gun, or drugs, things that are not good for you, and the parent will not give it to you, but it’s for your own good. You might want sugar all the time, but you have to eat your vegetable type of thing.

After bible study yesterday, couple of friends and I talked for hours about random things, and among of them, marriage, which we also talked about in the bible study. I have lots of thoughts on this matter, but I stop here for today.

Application: read Romans, pray before going to sleep

2015 03 14 QT John 19 12 22

John 19:12-22

March 14, 2015

In today’s QT, Pilate does something quite satisfying against the annoying chief priests. Pilate writes “Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews” on Jesus’ sign in 3 languages. It greatly annoyed the chief priests and wanted Pilate to change it to “man who claimed to be the king of the jews.” Pilates denies them, and this is for some reason satisfying, perhaps because the truth is being proclaimed ironically by someone who doesn’t even believe it to be the truth. I wonder though if this kind feeling of satisfaction is a bad thing. Is it similar to that feeling where something bad happens to someone you don’t really like, and you secretly, shamefully, take satisfaction? Is this envy? Perhaps not because it doesn’t impact me directly, but rather just the truth. There is just 1 one week left of seven deadly sins group bible study. I’ve noticed this in my past bible group studies, but my spiritual airplane flies pretty nicely while I’m doing bible study, but after it ends, there’s usually some turbulence, and sometimes the plane slowly sink, lands, or nose-dives, or even just crash into the ground. I think though what might be different this time around is that I’ll continue to do QT every day. God gave me the conviction to do QT every day at the NYBC in January, and I’ve been at it ever since, and now I’m really seeing the difference it makes. Sure, I still suck in many ways, but some things are definitely different in a good way. QT is greatest thing or the most important thing though. It can’t replace prayers or reading the bible. It’s more like the morning coffee that wakes me up, but I still have to eat lunch and dinner.

Application: read corinthians, pray before going to sleep

2015 03 13 QT John 19 1 11

John 19:1-11

March 13, 2015

In today’s QT, Jesus reminds Pilate who’s really in control. I need to remember who’s really in control. Sometimes, I wake up and forget. My hand automatically reaches for my phone and my iPad and I check on things I usually check. Couple days ago, I started playing SimCity BuildIt on my iPad. It’s supposed to be casual game, but the meaningless instant gratification it provides is strangely addicting. I didn’t play until 6:30pm like my QT application yesterday, but right after I started playing, and then I’ve been kind playing it on and off ever since, sort multi-tasking as it’s a game I have to wait a lot for the resources to manufactured before I can build buildings. The point is it definitely is going against being awake spiritually. Thank God I know this, and am not just totally swept away in it. Hopefully it gets boring soon, and I won’t play so much. This game has taken over chess, but sometimes I play them both. I don’t think this is a huge problem, but something to keep an eye on.

Application: prepare for mokjang with prayer and loving heart

2015 03 12 QT John 18 28 40

John 18:28-40

March 12, 2015

In today’s QT, the chief priests and pharisees take Jesus to Pilate. Laughably, they won’t go into the palace in order to remain clean, when their heart is filthy. Pilate comes out and takes Jesus and questions him and finds him innocent. He even gives another chance to release Jesus for passover pardon, but the Jews decide to release Barabbas, who is guilty of taking part in a rebellion.

The jews’ behaviors are so annoying and unreasonable. It’s so sad. What’s even more sad is that so many people today are still like this, and sometimes I’m one of them. I’m repeating myself again, but to not be like that, I need to be spiritually awake. There are things that awaken me spiritually, and there are things the put me to sleep spiritually. Things like QT, praying, reading the bible, loving others in the Spirit of God awake me. Things like watching Netflix, playing Sim City, playing Chess put me to sleep spiritually.

Application: do bible study now, pray 6pm-6:30pm, read corinthians, before watching any netflix or playing Sim City or chess.

2015 03 11 QT John 18 15 27

John 18:15-27

March 11, 2015

제목: 얄미운 놈들

오늘 큐티 내용을 보면 예수님의 끝없는 사랑과 인내가 보인다. 대제사장과 부하들은 예수님에게 예수님의 가르침에대해 질문한다. 예수님은 몰래 가르친적이 없기에 들은 사람에게 질문하지 왜 지금와서 나를 잡아 묶어다 질문하냐 묻는다. 답이 없는지, 대제사장의 부하 한명이 무뢰하다는 핑계로 예수님들 얼굴을 구타한다. 그러자 예수님은 내가 잘못 말한게 있으면 무엇을 잘못말했는지 간증하고, 내가 진실을 말했으면 왜 때렸냐고 물었다. 또 답이 없이 이번에는 아나스가 예수님을 대제사장한테로 보낸다.

이 장면을 보면서 이들이 참 얄밉다는 생각이 들었다. 내가 이때 예수님이였더라면 이들에게 벼락을 내려쳤을수도있을꺼같은데, 예수님은 이들에게까지도 사랑과 인내로 다가가신다.

살다보면 다양한 사람들이 있다. 그중에 이렇게 얄미운 사람들도 참 많이 있다. 주변에 아는 사람들이 일때도 있고, 전혀 모르는 길가나 도로에서 만나는 사람일수도 있다. 이런 사람들을 생각해보다 보니 내 자신을 돌아보게 된다. 나는 나도 모르게 내 주변사람들에게 얄미운짓을 행하고 있지 않는지 생각해본다. 또 과연 내 삶에서 이러한 얄미운 사람들이 보일때 내 마음에 어떤 마음이 들지 생각해본다. 이럴때 예수님의 사랑과 인내같은 마음이 들지 않고, 불편한 마음이 든다면 이 마음은 악한것들이 나의 마음을 빼앗기 위해 주는 마음이란걸 기억해야한다.

적용: 내가 다른 사람들에게 불편한 마음을 줄만한 얄미운짓을 하고 살고있지는 않은지 생각해보기

2015 03 10 QT John 18 1 14

John 18:1-14

March 10, 2015

In today’s QT, Jesus gives himself over to the soldiers of the chief priest and pharisees who were lead there by Judas who betrayed Jesus. Interestingly, when Jesus revealed himself, everyone fell to the ground. What an awkward moment that must have been, a bunch of soldiers who set out to capture Jesus, and then upon meeting Jesus, they fall to the ground. Jesus is sacrificing himself to do the will of God. In my life, I too have to do this.

Application: do bible study right now, and listen to Corinthians

2015 03 09 QT John 17 20 26

John 17:20-26

March 9, 2015

Why is it so hard to be unified? Perhaps it’s because it requires all the people involved to want to be unified to be unified. Strong military rulers have forcefully united people within their empire with military rule in the past, only to have their names erased by another. In a marriage, both the man and the woman want to be unified in order for them to be united. They can be married, but still be living separate lives if they don’t want to be unified. In today’s QT, Jesus prayed for the future believers, people like me, who have not seen Jesus in the flesh, to be united as one. There are un-believers in church, and there is no way to unite with them as the goals are different, but even between believers, some of us forget the goal, some of us mix up our priorities, some of us burdened by traps of sin, that we fail to unite and love. More and more, as I get older and grow in faith, I see more value in a faithful woman rather than a woman with a pretty face. How tragic it would be to not be able to unite and love even between the two people in marriage. Still, a pretty face doesn’t hurt. I think that a pretty woman can grow in faith, but can a faithful woman grow prettier? Prettiness is so temporary though. No one in their 40’s in “pretty”. Someone who is faithful will still be faithful at 40. What the bible says most important is faith and purity. I would consider loyalty to up there as well along with fun, exciting, bright personality as desirable characteristics.

Application: do bible study now

2015 03 08 QT John 17 12 19

John 17:12-19

March 8, 2015

In today’s QT, Jesus prays for us, his followers, to be one like he is one with God. This is also what my pastor said on Friday night, and how everyone’s sacrifices through Jesus allows us to become one. It’s a reason that I knew, but didn’t really know, and have come to fully grasp, and now I do. I ask all my cell group members why we gather, and there are many good reasons, and they’re all right, but I myself never explicitly mentioned this one, and perhaps it’s the most important one. Before this realization, I considered most important to be that we need to support each other of our growing faith, as that is clearly something that is necessary and important, but perhaps becoming one is even more fundamental and at the core. Last Friday, when my pastor pointed out all the sacrifices we all made to come together as one to do what we do each time we gather made me appreciate all of us even more. The world does not know this, and it out for it itself, which makes it a sad, scary, cold, and harsh world. We have been given the task to bright light and warmth to this world, but before we can do that, we need to become one.

Application: do today’s bible study right now

2015 03 06 QT John 16 25 33

John 16:16-24

March 6, 2015

Verse 33: In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Whenever I’m sucking at life, which is more often than I’d like, the only thing that calms my heart is the truth that Jesus already won. I can’t take advantage of this fact, and just let everything go, but I also can’t forget this fact. Life is different depending on whether I remember this fact or not. The troubles are there, and will always be there, but they are just troubles. What’s most important has already been taken care of for me by the one and only Jesus Christ. I knew this truth before, and it has helped me in multiple occasions, and I have pass it on to a few people, but I didn’t know exactly where it was said in the bible. I guess it was said here. John 16:33. Good to know. I still have to catch up on my bible study though. I haven’t written anything for our meeting tomorrow.

Application: catch up on bible study

2015 03 06 KMUMC Choir

Rochester KMUMC Choir

Taken on March 1, 2015

2015 03 05 QT John 16 16 24

John 16:16-24

March 5, 2015

I’m struggling a little less than yesterday. I kind of know why, and that is the sloth has gripped me quite a bit. I know because I can see when I look at my kitchen, and I can see it when I see that I haven’t even started on this week’s bible study material, and it’s already the 5th day. What have I been doing skipping 5 days of bible study in a row? The good thing is that I haven’t let go of doing QT, and prayer. I want to say that this is at time of difficulty, but it really isn’t. I couldn’t have it easier, yet my will has been tainted. I’m thinking and feeling in a lazy way. It’s poisonous. I remember learning about how to fight sloth: diligence, discipline, fortitude, perseverance, instituted means of grace, prudential means of grace. All kind of makes sense, but it’s different story putting it into practice. What is wrong with me? I’m usually not like this. I don’t have an answer. I do hope for that day when Jesus comes, that day when it will all be over, that time of joy of a mother after she’s given birth through so much pain. I wish that day come sooner rather than later, but then again, what about the others?

Application: ketchup on bible study :)

2015 03 04 QT John 16 1 15

John 16:1-15

March 4, 2015

I am struggling to hang on, and I don’t know why. The devil is attacking and I’m not defending well, and it feels like I have lost, but this is not true, as Jesus has already won. I must not be tricked. I need to repent and get back on track. In today’s QT, Jesus says he has to go in order for the Counselor to come, and the Counselor is here with me, but I have been living as though he is not. I need to ask for his help, to save me from the evil inside me. I can’t do it alone.

Application: pray for the Holy Spirit’s help in everything I do today

2015 03 03 QT John 15 18 27

John 15:18-27

March 3, 2015

I was super close to letting today’s QT go singing the tunes “let it go~” from Frozen, but am doing my QT for some reason. Thank God. It would be comfortable to just be part of the world. Like what verse 19 says “If you belong to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” Now, I don’t really feel that the world hates me. Maybe this is a bad thing, but it’s not like there is persecution of Christians in the US, like there is some other countries. The most world hate I feel are most a spiritual fights within me. Just like now, I was almost going to take a day off. I was going to go morning prayer today, but yesterday I decided not to as I was feeling so tired, and I guess I kind of got on a roll, and said maybe I’ll skip today’s as well. But thank God he’s woken me up once again. I know what I should do. It’s the same every day. I will win today.

Application: go to morning prayer tomorrow

2015 03 02 QT John 15 9 17

John 15:9-17

March 2, 2015

Yesterday, I failed to do any of my application. I don’t know why, but I did. I should have been done those things as well as gotten started on my case study for today’s class, yet I just ended up doing research for my business on my iPad while watching like 6 episodes of House of Cards on Netflix. The show has jumped the shark, and they’re dragging it out now like any TV show, and I didn’t even really want to watch it, but it was easier than carrying out my applications, or doing any real work. Well, you win some, and you lose some. Today, I will try to win at least in a small way.

Application: read at least one page in proverbs, pray for 5 minutes at any time before sleep

2015 03 01 QT John 15 1 8

John 15:1-8

March 1, 2015

Today’s QT reminds me of a sermon I heard long time ago from a guest pastor at a conference. Jesus is the vine, and we are the branches. The pastor jokingly said that when you go out to a vineyard at night, you can hear the branches struggling to bear fruit. Obviously, there is no such sound, and he was pointing at how branches themselves do not have to do anything but to be attached to the tree that gives them life to bear fruit. The branch can fall off the tree, but it can’t become a tree itself. It withers and dies. All of this draws a picture in my head of the tree of life at eden, which God prevented Adam and Eve from eating its fruit after they ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil because then they would have eternal life, and be like God. The tree of life at eden has the power to give eternal life, and so does Jesus. The tree of life is one and only kind of tree, and so is Jesus. Those who eat from the tree of life get eternal life, and those who believe in Jesus get eternal life. When you’re connected to the tree through faith, life flows to you, and it flows to others. If it fails to flow to others, it is not a branch, but an end point. And end points on trees are pruned to allow new branches to grow. So, the precondition for all of this is that “if you remain in me, and I remain in you” or I saw another version of it in my bible study workbook “abide in me as I abide in you” which means accept, obey, see, follow, keep, respect, all of which comes down to act of reading the Word, act of praying, and act of loving. It’s funny I feel like I’m being so repetitive, as all QT end up being about reading the bible, praying, loving, and repenting. The sad thing is it’s hard to do, despite sounding easy, and I forget each day I wake up. It’s crazy. If all qt’s are about the Word, praying, loving, and repenting, then probably what’s most important is the specific application for the day. What will be my application for today? There are things, acts of love, I’ve been pushing off out of laziness.

Application: read Corinthians, pray repenting for my laziness before going to sleep, think about what to do to show my thankfulness to some people at school

2015 02 28 QT John 14 25 31

John 14:25-31

February 28, 2015

I had a long Facebook chat with a friend of mine last night. She was with troubled heart. In today’s QT, one of the things Jesus says is “Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid." She said she was contemplating life, and that whatever she was contemplating, it reminded her of my struggles and unending faith. She’s known me and worked with me as a co-op for my company while I was going through some of the toughest time of my life when I was homeless and living in my old office, most importantly without faith, and she sees me now. She said she can’t find a place for herself in a career or socially. I tried to explain to her how that might be related to her underlying feelings, though, and beliefs. I know from other bible studies I’ve had in the past that whenever these things happen, God is working in her life to draw her towards him, and wants me to assist, and these things happen right there and then only, and I must either join his work or miss out. So, I tried best I could to explain some of the things that I believe, and this was kind of spur of the moment type of thing, so there was no explicit preparation, and I just winged it praying and asking the holy spirit for help. It turns out this is kind of my “testimony” I’ve been trying to organize into words since January. And my heart too has been a little troubled past week. I’ve been kind of lazy about my seven deadly sins bible study, ironically studying about sin of sloth itself this week, while focusing hard on some exciting developments of my business and kind of losing my grip on priority. After cell group meeting yesterday, I tried to get a fresh start, and then all of a sudden she hits me for this chat. Now, looking back, I see that maybe God was helping me. Helping me organize my faith, get a fresh start, renew my love and reason for living.

Application: catch up on bible study with enthusiastic heart

Friend: Hey


Friend: ...How's it going?

It's going well, what's up?

Friend: Nothing important. Just wanted to see how you were doing

cool, how are you doing?

Friend: I'm doing okay

What are you up to?

Friend: Bad things? Contemplating life.


Friend: I'm just contemplating life

Friend: And whatever I'm contemplating reminded me of you and mosaically

Friend: Your struggles and unending faith

what kind of contemplation are you doing on life?

Friend: "Why do struggles blind us?"

Are you struggling?

Friend: "Why is Lent a time of suffering?"

Friend: Yes

How so?

Friend: I can't find a place for myself in a career, or socially.

Friend: And because I haven't found that place yet I can't afford certain things I need. Or missuse my time

Well, here is the thing

career, social things are surface

below the surface, are you feelings


and below your feelings, are your thoughts

or the way you think

and your thinking is dependent on what you believe to be true in this world

there are things you don't know and you just can't know

incomprehensive stuff

i chose to ignore these things back in high school

Friend: So what about the things you do know

because I thought they were waste of time to ponder, because there was no way to know

the problem is

ignoring these things put me in a state of uncertainty

because I didn't know who I am

Without knowing who I am, everything above all the way up to the surface are shaky

That was my problem

When I was interacting with people

I didn't really know what to do

Because I didn't know who I was

I thought maybe my knowledge, my experience, my thoughts, my work/career defined who I was

There is value in those things

But those things do not put value on me

If I define myself based on those things, my self-worth can't be anything but low

And if I have low self-worth, then others value me less

But when I decided to take a leap of faith

And consider the possibility that maybe what's stated in the bible is in fact the truth

And tried to operate based on those beliefs rather than no-belief in anything(because there was no way for me to know for sure of anything)

Things started changing

The bible says that I am, we are, God's creation

The bible says that all-knowing, all-powerful God reigns in this world

The bible says that the problems that we have are because of our sin within us planted by the devil who also reigns in this world

Bible says that God loves us, and wants to be with us

But because God is good, perfect, and holy, our sins prevent us from having a relationship with God

Friend: That's crushing because nothing, except the grace of God, can ever make someone a believer

So God sent his only son Jesus to pay for our sins

He was sinless, and therefore worthy of sacrifice to pay for our sins, once and for all

So he suffered and died on the cross

But he came back to life

And went to heaven to be next to God

So that there can be a way for us sinful people to be justified with God, to have relationship with God through Jesus

That anyone who believes in him will be saved by grace

Will not see death, and will go to heaven, and not hell

Belief impacts Thoughts impacts Feelings impacts Actions

You don't know what Actions to take at the surface level because your foundation of belief isn't there

It's crazy, and it requires a leap of faith

But it's more crazy not to in my opinion

And that's why I took the leap

And now I see, and now I know

You can pray to God

Like you would talk to a friend

Friend: That sounds like it's working for you

To make it work for you

To give you faith

Courage to take the leap to see for yourself

Just think

There is an all-powerful, all-knowing God who loves you, and you can ask him for anything

Friend: I can't ask for anything while I'm suffering, not even to ask to stop suffering.

You can

Friend: Theoretically

All you need to do is either to think it, or to say it, the words "God, Jesus, stop my suffering."

The fact that we are having this conversation

Means God is already trying to reach you

Friend: Thanks.

Just try it before you go to sleep, or when you're in the shower

Friend: And you see value?

more valuable than all the gold in the world

not even comparable

Friend: In yourself? Me? In what?

In having a relationship with God himself

Imagine value you would have if you had a relationship with the president of United States

Multiply that by infinity

Friend: I really don't know what to make of a lot of things you've said because they are things I can't comprehend

Friend: But thank you

Yeah, if you want to, read the bible starting with the new testament

There are also audiobooks

Friend: I'm not a fan of it

Friend: But I go to bible study

I have a private access audiobook narrated by movie actors with movie sound effects on my website

I can give you access if you want

It's this

Friend: What website?

Check out the youtube video, you'll recognize many famous people

And let me know if you want to listen to it

my personal website

Friend: You updated it

I did

I have a blog now

Friend: It's a very impressive blog


Friend: Why are you up late?

To chat with you

Friend: You should go to sleep


2015 02 26 QT John 14 15 24

John 14:15-24

February 26, 2015

Today’s QT really makes me look back at myself. Jesus says in verse 15: “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” which can be inferred to mean that if I will not obey what Jesus commands, then I do not love Jesus via modus tollens. And since I don’t always obey what he commands, I don’t always love Jesus, which is sadly true. On the other hand, I do obey his command now and then, which doesn’t mean that I love him. I could be obeying without loving him, but I can’t be loving him without obeying him. Now, what all this means is that I don’t love Jesus 100%. Maybe I love him 90%, or maybe 50%, or maybe 10%, but as my pastor always gives an example, how would I feel if my “hypothetical” girlfriend or wife loved me 50% of time, or even 99% of time, and then loved another man 1%. That’s not ideal, but still better than 50%, or 0%, so I might live with that, or might try to find someone who will love me 100%. On a side note, as flawed beings, I doubt anyone can love anyone 100%, and that anyone can love Jesus 100%. So, I guess it comes down to grace. I’m not saved because I love Jesus. I’m saved because Jesus loves me, and because I believe in him, not because what I do. I do want to love him more, and have a more rewarding relationship with him and the holy spirit, but I fail, but I will keep trying again until the last day, and try to live like today’s the last day, while keeping in mind, it might not be the last day. What I can do to love him more, and have a more rewarding relationship comes down to reading the Word, and praying in the end, which also strengthens the Spirit within me to operate me with less failures caused by me.

Application: read Thessalonians 1 and 2 again, and pray for cell group

2015 02 26 QT John 14 1 14

John 14:1-14

February 26, 2015

Some interesting verses in today’s QT are:

Verse 14: You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

I know God is not my magic wand, but what Jesus says in verse 14 is quite a promise. Now, I don’t think I can take this quite literally though, because if I ask for stupid things or for bad things, he’s not going to do it. It’s almost like a parent saying to a child, I love, and I will do anything for you, but if the child asks the parent to give him poison, then the parent is not going to give him poison.

But what’s interesting is that there are things that are certainly good always. Salvation of people is pretty much good in any possible situation I can imagine. And I suppose I could pray, and I suppose many others have prayed “Lord, please save everyone in the world! In Jesus’ name I pray” and that’s pretty much a good thing Jesus can’t deny. And I believe that he will do that in his time. Now, on a more personal level, there is my dad, and I have prayed countless times for his salvation, but his thoughts on Jesus is that he’s merely a historical figure of yet another religion, which doesn’t allow him freedom, power, salvation, the way, the truth, the life, God and everything else that comes with faith in Jesus. I have prayed for his salvation in Jesus’ name, and I continue to pray, and Jesus will do this in his time as well.

Application: pray from noon to noon thirty

2015 02 25 QT John 13 31 38

John 13:31-38

February 25, 2015

I missed yesterday’s QT for the first time since I started writing and posting my QT in January. I suppose I was going to miss it one day, and how fitting it was the day QT talked about betrayal of Judas. To my excuse, I did go to morning prayer, and really liked my pastor’s QT. I remember him asking the question “Is it unfair for people like Judas and Pharaoh of Egypt to have to have to do some bad things in order to fulfill what must be done?” He answered himself saying “They could have repented, and it would have been alright.”

For example, in today’s QT, a good disciple, Peter, proclaims to Jesus, he’s willing to lay down his life for Jesus. Jesus kind of laughs and tells him he’s going to disown him three times before the rooster crows the next morning while Jesus goes through what he has to go through. The thing about Peter is that even though he even curses Jesus right before the rooster crows, he ultimately comes back to Jesus in repentance. And like Peter, Judas, and the Pharaoh could have repented, but instead Judas commits suicide, and Pharaoh decides to go after the Jews.

Looking at my life, I feel like Peter in today’s QT. I’ve felt that I could lay down my life, literally die for Jesus, and I still do. And I betray Jesus like Peter. Now, I must repent like Peter as well.

Also in today’s QT is the a new command, the greatest command of all commands “Love one another.” Love requires sacrifice, requires laying down of my life for Jesus. This is probably why it is also the most difficult command unlike other reactive commands like “Do not commit idolatry, murder, steal, commit adultery and so on” and other active commands like “love God” because it’s much easier to love God than to love people.

Application: pray for 11am-11:30am in repentance, and try to love everyone I meet today

2015 02 23 QT John 13 12 20 Walking Dead

Walking Dead

John 13:12-20

February 23, 2015

In today’s QT, Jesus explains to the disciples why he washed their feet. He explains it was to serve them, and to set an example for them to serve each other.

I’m learning about the sin of sloth in my bible study group, and this is perhaps the biggest obstacle in following the example set by Jesus in today’s qt. It’s lack of willingness, or weak willingness, not enough care for others out of interest to self-serve. Relationships require effort to maintain, both vertically with God and horizontally with others, yet I find myself too lazy to put in that effort, or try to get by with the bare minimum.

There was some powerful quotes in yesterday’s bible study material.

It said George Bernard Shaw said that the epitaph for many people should read, “Died at 30; buried at 60”

“You’re dead when the suffering of another causes you no pain."

“You’re dead when your blood does not run hot in the face of blatant injustice."

“You’re dead when you evade truth that hurts and accept an easy lie."

“You’re dead when you are not willing to put forth the energy necessary to save a dying relationship"

The last one hit home with me because I find relationships to be one of the most important and difficult things in life. I’m not talking about relationship with a significant other, but with God and with people in general.

I must struggle to be alive, and not walk dead.

Application: think about what I can do for some people at school that have helped me greatly

2015 02 22 QT John 13 1 11

John 13:1-11

February 22, 2015

In today’s qt, Jesus washes the disciples' feet. All, but Judas who is going to betray Jesus, have been saved, and things outside or things that go in cannot make a man unclean, then why does Jesus wash the disciples’ feet? I think it signifies that even though they have been saved, and they follow Jesus, they live in a sinful world, and they themselves still have sin left in them, and continue to commit sin, and that this must be washed continuously by Jesus as they live.

I too have been saved, but I too still fail in various ways on a daily basis. Therefore, I too must repent daily in order to walk with Jesus. And it is only Jesus who is willing and able to cleanse me daily.

Application: repent while living today, and pray in repentance for 20 minutes at midnight

2015 02 22 KMUMC Choir

2015-02-22 KMUMC Choir

2015 02 21 QT John 12 37 50

John 12:37-50

February 21, 2015

Today’s qt, I see Jesus judging favorably for me because I have accepted him and his words. I see him defending me before God’s judgment despite my inability to live up to his standards.

So then I have no right to judge others, but only to defend other like Jesus does for me.

Application: listen to Thessalonians, pray for my friend in his defence

2015 02 20 QT John 12 20 36

John 12:20-36

February 20, 2015

Verse 25: The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

This verse stood out to me in today’s qt, because I love my life, and Jesus says that the man who loves his life will lose it. Should I be alarmed? I don’t see much benefit or justifications to hating anything, so I don’t know.

Maybe it doesn’t mean what I think it means. Perhaps it means whether I’m living for myself with me as my top priority vs. living according to Galations 2:20. Even this, I should probably keep in mind not to let myself try to take the thrown of Jesus in my life. This makes more sense, but maybe I’m stretching my interpretation a little.

Application: read Thessalonians and pray for cell group laser tag game and for the two new people coming today

2015 02 19 QT John 12 12 19

John 12:12-19

February 2015

In today’s qt, Jesus rides a donkey to Jerusalem. The qt reflection makes note that, during this time, coming on a donkey means he’s coming in peace, as opposed to coming on a horse, which means he’s coming to conquer. The jews there, who seek a political savior cry “Hosanna!” which means “Save us now” from their political situation while Jesus comes in peace to save them from sinful selves in their spiritual situation.

Looking back at my prayer requests, I think I’ve been doing similar things. It reminds me of NYBC when I told a pastor there some of my requests, and he prayed for my faith. I knew this, yet I was still praying “Save me now” from my situations, rather than “Save me now” from my spiritual situation.Thankfully, all the prayer requests I had at that time have been answers favorably. Perhaps it’s my turn to start praying more for spiritual situation of myself and others more.

Application: pray for 15 minutes without praying for myself

2015 02 18 QT John 12 1 11

John 12:1-11

February 18, 2015

In today’s qt, Mary gives extravagantly to Jesus putting all of her most valuable perfume on his feet with her hair, while Judas tries to scold her claiming it’s a waste while claiming that that perfume could be sold and the money given to the poor. However, Judas really was just upset that he couldn’t do in faith what Mary was doing in faith, and had his focus on the money, rather than Jesus.

I look at my life, and I’d certainly like to think that I’m not like Judas, and that I’m more like Mary, but that probably isn’t true. There is both Judas side and Mary side in me, and most of the time, Judas side is more dominant. Judas side is always calculating, going after the money, even while Mary side is giving, and following Jesus.

What can I do? As always, the answer is reading the bible and praying.

Application: listen to Matthew while working

2015 02 17 QT John 11 47 57

John 11:47-57

February 17, 2015

Today's qt reminds me of the Pharaoh whose hearts God hardened so that Jews go out of Egypt. Much to Pharaoh's own desires, God decides to use the Pharaoh for his glory. In the Pharaoh's case, he didn't even have a choice at the end when his heart was hardened by God. In today's case of the Pharisees, they could still repent and turn around, yet they continue on their way to kill Jesus. And again, God decides to use these Pharisees to do what must be done through Jesus to redeem the nation and much more. It's good to know that Jesus makes even the bad things be used for good.

Application: go to morning prayer tomorrow

2015 02 16 QT You Always Hear Me

You Always Hear Me

John 11:38-46

February 16, 2015

Verse 42: I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.

In today's qt, Jesus gives thanks to God for hearing him, and he says that he said this for the benefit of the people there. He also says that he knew that he always hears him. He is always there, and he always hears, and even knows what I think and what's in my heart, and reigns this world. Yet, sometimes, I live as though this is not the case. He still loves me though. I still need to do better.

Application: do bible study

2015 02 15 QT John 11 17 37

John 11:17-37

February 15, 2015

In today's qt, I don't know why Jesus wept. He already said Lazarus will rise again. And he does raise him back up in tomorrow's QT, so I don't know why he cried. Was it for show to the Jews there? For dramatic effect when he raises Lazarus back to life? I don't know.

Application: ask pastor why Jesus wept

2015 02 14 QT John 11 1 16

John 11:1-16

February 14, 2015

In today's qt, Jesus trusts in the light, and trusts in his time. I trust in Jesus, and I trust in his time as well, but I foolishly desire in my own time. There is a reason why there is a delay. There is a reason why Jesus waited 2 days. The reason is for his glory. I just have to be patient and live today to the best of my faith.

Application: get chocolates for some people I'm thankful

2015 02 13 QT John 10 31 42

John 10:31-42

February 13, 2015

Verse 37: "Do not believe me unless I do what my Father does."

This verse stands out to me the most. It makes me think me wonder if I'm doing what the Father is doing. I think I am to the amount of the faith that I have currently, but perhaps my faith should grow bigger, to love those around me more, to follow Jesus more diligently.

Application: ...

2015 02 12 QT John 10 19 30

John 10:19-30

February 12, 2015

It a bit frustrating to see some of them Jews still not understand when the obvious truth is smacking them in the head. It must be tiring for Jesus to repeat same thing again and again to the same people who fail to get it. Today, he drops even bigger truth, that "I and the Father are one" which is probably going to drive the Jews crazy in tomorrow qt, and make them want to stone Jesus to death, not that they don't already. This stubbornness of the Jews, I was like that before, and I see people like this, and my heart is heavy. What can be done? Not much but prayer.

Application: pray for the stubborn people in my life before going to sleep

2015 02 11 QT Why Did Jesus Have To Die

Why Did Jesus Have To Die?

John 10:11-18

February 11, 2015

In today's qt, Jesus says he's the good shepherd who lays out his life for the sheep. The sheep might be thinking, why are you laying down your life when I need your protection? But the sheep doesn't know that sheep is already in trouble. The sheep was born of the Sin which ends in death. The sheep lives its life in ways that are sinful that not only had consequences in its own lifetime, but after. The shepherd in this case had to pay the price and buy the sheep back from Sin to save it from death. Sometimes, as a sheep who has had his price of life paid, I take this grace of payment too lightly, and I find myself entertaining lustful thoughts as I wake up in the morning. Will I not be saved at the end because of these sinful thoughts? No, but it's not good for me, and it's not pleasing to God. When I am in the though, I find myself telling myself divided, telling myself it's not that bad to think about these things while also telling myself, this is not good, not healthy, but at the same time, I'm thinking it's so sweet, let me just be caught up in those thoughts a little. Eventually, I wake up, and reboot myself with Jesus and his Word. Now, if I don't reboot myself with Jesus, then who knows who's operating my life.

Application: do bible study, go work out for at least 10 minutes listening to Matthew

2015 02 10 QT John 10 1 10

John 10:1-10

February 10, 2015

In today's qt, Jesus says "I am the gate for the sheep." and I was kind of expecting to read "I am the shepherd for the sheep" as I was reading today's qt. Jesus was talking about how the man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep while the man who does not enter by the gate, but some other way is a thief and a robber. So, I thought he'd say he's the shepherd and not the thief or robber, but he actually says he's the gate in this picture. Who am I in this picture? Am I the sheep? I am the shepherd? Or am I the thief/robber? I suppose I could be any in any given day depending on my spiritual state. Maybe the important thing is the gate, and perhaps this gate is the standard which decides who is a sheep, shepherd, or a thief/robber. Those who is straight with Jesus, the gate, is the sheep/shepherd, while those who are not in a good relationship with Jesus is in harms way for themselves and for others. Every day is a struggle, even today just now, before doing qt, the sin of sloth was tempting me to let it go for one day. If I did, I may be more likely to be living the rest of today as a thief/robber rather than a sheep/shepherd. I went to morning prayer today, went back to sleep, and it's now 2pm, so there is not a lot of days left. I'm pretty well rested though, and have a lot of exciting work to do. I still have to do bible study, and I should really start working out.

Application: do SDS bible study, go listen to Matthew while working out

2015 02 09 QT Jesus Saved Me Jesus Fights For Me

"Jesus Saved Me. Jesus Fights For Me."

John 9:35-41

February 9, 2015

Today's QT makes me once again the importance of humility. Jesus said "For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind." He was directing this at the pharisees, but I must be careful not to be like pharisee because Jesus has let me see, but once I was once blind spiritually, and now I see, but now that I see, I can become blind again. I don't want to spiritually blind again. I see how difficult I lived and how difficult I must have been to others when I was spiritually blind, and I now see how difficult some spiritually blind people are living trapped within themselves and how difficult they are to others, and all I can do for them is pray. However, my sinful self is susceptible to falling and losing my spiritual vision at any time. The devil attacks from all angles, but I will persevere with the strength and grace of Jesus.

Last night I prayed "what is the simplest form of my testimony?" And I think the answer I got was that the simplest form of all believers testimony is essentially the same three words "Jesus saved me" and I realize I knew that, but what the long version of my life's story boils down to is those three words. Jesus is also fighting for me everyday with the evil one in me, which I boils down to "Jesus fights for me"

I have been struggling with a jealousy/envy of sort. I can't quite go into it, and it's still there, but now I see it better, and it affects me less. The line between is so thin though. I do not feel inferior that I don't have it, but I desire so much for reasons unknown to me. Perhaps it's mixed with lust. I see that my qt is kind of going everywhere now. I will end it here for today.

Application: think about the specific occasions I had felt the hand of God

2015 02 08 QT Simple Testimony

Simple Testimony

John 9:24-34

February 8, 2015

In today's qt, the blind man is brought before the Pharisees again, and they're pursuing their own interest as usual. Now, what stood out to me in today's qt was how simple the man's testimony was. He said "One thing I know. I was blind but now I see!"

I've been struggling to put together my tool of gospel, my testimony, since about a month ago. I have hard time organizing it in because it's a bit of a long story. I wonder however if there is a one sentence version of my testimony. Perhaps, instead of starting from the whole, and simplifying it down, I can start from the simplest form, and add to it.

I've also been struggling with several mobile app design decisions for my business. I've had a small group of friends help me refine it last semester, and they helped me nail down the very important decisions. Over the winter break, I started designing the app, and I got stuck on several more decision points. I couldn't figure it out until yesterday. Yesterday after bible study, and after a delicious sushi dinner, I thought maybe I should pray about these questions. At first, it was a little weird to think that I'd pray and ask Jesus what I should do, but then again, I do what I do for him, so maybe I should have been asking more. So, last night, I prayed, and it came to me. And the design, its beauty, like this blind man's testimony, was in its simplicity. It is simple, and it works. Now, I feel so relieved to have had these problems solved. Today, doing this QT, I now see I should pray about my testimony, and ask God to reveal it to me the simplest form of my testimony.

Application: pray at midnight for the simplest form of my testimony, take notes while doing today's bible study

2015 02 07 QT John 9 13 23

John 9:13-23

February 7, 2015

In today's qt, the pharisees' questioning of Jesus's curing of the blind man on the Sabbath. It's ridiculous. They focus on the shell, rather than the meaning, because it's easy. I must be careful not to go down the same path. For example, I have been able to do qt every day for about a month now. This is the longest running streak of qt for me since I accepted Jesus into my life. I started out of inspiration I received from NYBC, another of which was putting together a testimony, which is progressing slowly, but then again my life is a progressing testimony itself. Some days though, like today, it's really hard to do qt with heart. I could just read the word, and write a few sentences, and think of an easy application, but how would that be much different from following the law like the pharisees? I do qt in order to stay awake, alive, and to live the way I was meant to live, free and loving. If I do it just to do it everyday because that's what I promised myself, then it's no different than pharisees following the law without understanding why they are following the law. Same goes for the bible study this week. I have been really laid back with it, mostly just reading over it and thinking about it briefly, especially since the subject is quite uncomfortable. It's about envy, and I don't think I had much envy, but what the bible study is saying is that the fact that everyone feels that way is the biggest issue of envy. Envy that people deny is in them, makes them insatiable. I can justify anything, and the line between envy, and just cause for wanting something is very vague to me right now.

Application: catch up on bible study with seriousness

2015 02 06 QT This Is Why I Live

This Is Why I Live

John 9:1-12

February 6, 2015

In today's qt, disciples ask Jesus about a man who was born blind. They ask why automatically assuming that either this man or his parents sinned, which made him blind from birth. Jesus answers neither him or his parents sinned, and that the reason he is blind is so that work of God might be displayed in his life.

This reminds me of the story of Job. Job was a good man in the eyes of God, and he did "nothing wrong" in the common sense. God is proud of him, and the devil downplays his goodness saying Job will not be so good if God didn't bless him so much, and so begins a series of tests to test Job's faith. As Job passes the tests, things get worse and worse for him, to the point, he's lost everything, his family, his friends, and is himself sick and about to die. None of this was because of his sin, but rather to display the rightful power of God. It sucks for Job, but that was the role God put him in for his glory. In the end, Job fails the tests, and is humbled before God. In the end, it turns out Job did commit sin, and that was being too proud of his being good.

In today's qt too, the blind man is healed, and the glory went to God. The blind man suffered being blind all of his life, until his time came, and took part in God's story, and testifies and glorifies the work of God in his life. I think it also is an opportunity for those around him to love the blind man.

In my life, there have been lots of hardships, some hardships that were outside of my control that I could not overcome on my own. I didn't blame God back then, because I didn't believe he even existed. But each time, I was saved from my troubles. If this happened once or twice, I would have said that I have some good luck. But when it happens repeatedly, and looking back in my life back then, it was actually happening all my life, then I had to question, is this really luck? Can this be really this lucky? Is that possible? I felt stupid to have thought that it was all just luck. Just looking at everything in the world, not even the event of my life, I can tell it can't all be luck. And it is still happening today, and will continue to happen in the future. God is unfolding his glorious story in this world, and I have been made a part of it. This is why I live.

Application: catch up on bible study :( and reread Malachi, and start taking notes I as I read the bible of the storyline.

2015 02 05 QT John 8 48 59

John 8:48-59

February 5, 2015

In today's qt, Jesus says in verse 51, "I tell you the truth, if anyone keeps my word, he will never see death."

It made me think twice about its meaning. Will I actually never die if I keep his word? What does it mean to keep his word? Is it like keeping a promise? Because the phrasing "keep my word" made me thinking about someone holding true to what they said. I think keep my word in this context means keeping Jesus in my life, and that's through reading the bible and praying. And I think never seeing death means that I will never see Satan in hell after physical death, and that I will not be spiritually dead in this life.

Most important thing is keeping his word.

Application: reread malachi, and pray from noon to noon fifteen

2015 02 04 QT The Truth Sets Me Free

The Truth Sets Me Free

February 4, 2015

John 8:31-47

Verse 31-32: To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Like the verses say, whenever I'm tempted, remembering the truth sets me free.

What is this Truth that I helps me win?

It's the truth that Jesus, Son of God, who is also God, came to us in flesh and body, tested, suffered, proven innocent, sacrificed, and raised back to life, in order to free me from the slavery of sin and from God's judgment of my sins through the belief in this truth, in Jesus, and his teachings, that God is an all-powerful, all-knowing God, who reigns actively in this world today, who forgives me if asked for forgiveness, who loves me unconditionally, and who wants me to walk closely with him always, and wait for his day to come in patience and in fruitful work in taking part in his work.

Application: read Malachi

2015 02 03 QT Sin Has Consequences

Sin Has Consequences

John 8:21-30

February 3, 2015

In today's qt, Jesus says "I told you that you would die in your sins; if you do not believe that I am the one I claim to be, you will indeed die in your sins"

Some people might take that as him saying something like "I'm going to kill you if you don't believe me," but that's not what he's saying at all. What's he's saying is more like "Your sins are going to kill you, and you are trapped by it yourself, and you can't set yourself free on your own, so you are going to die in the trap, but if you believe me and what I'm saying, then you will be able to free yourself from that trap of sin, which is killing you."

We are all sinful. Sin is within me and around me. It is killing me, and it is always trying to create distance between me and God. It is a spiritual and emotional battle, and I don't have the power to win on my own, but Jesus opened a way out, and through believing in him and what he's saying, he gives me the power to break free from Sin and Death, and lead me on the way towards God and Life. This is what I am seeing and experiencing.

Application: reread Zechariah

2015 02 02 QT Wandering Around

Wandering Around

John 8:12-20

February 2, 2015

Jesus says in verse 12 "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

I don't know if I was following Jesus all that closely past couple of days. My sinful self was wandering around. I am feeling a little lost. I need to get back to following Jesus more closely.

Application: catch up on bible study, pray noon to noon thirty, read some proverbs

2015 02 01 QT John 7 53 8 11

John 7:53-8:11

February 1, 2015

In today QT, it's the famous scene of "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her" when Pharisees bring a woman caught in adultery before Jesus and ask if they should stone her to death.

Just like no one here could throw a stone at her, I too have no right to judge anyone for anything. If I do, I will only be condemning myself.

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. - Matthew 7:2

Application: re-read & listen to Zechariah again

2015 01 31 QT John 7 37 52

John 7:37-52

January 31, 2015

Verse 46 - "No one ever spoke the way this man does," the guards declared.

I don't know of anyone who spoke about the things that Jesus spoke about like Jesus. He speaks with authority. He has the authority, so he speaks this way. Others cannot speak in this way because they do not have the authority. This convinced the guards there is something different about him. It wouldn't make sense for someone without authority to speak the way Jesus did. If someone did, then it would either be insanity or deception. The problem is that Jesus was clearly not insane that they can just pass off and ignore as someone insane. The problem is that Jesus not only spoke about things the way no one else spoke, and also performed miracles like no one else performed.

Application: re-read/listen to Zechariah again

2015 01 30 QT John 7 25 36

John 7:25-36

January 30, 2015

Verse 30: Then the leaders tried to arrest him; but no one laid a hand on him, because his time had not yet come.

This is divine intervention. This is in contract with when God did let them arrest Jesus when the time did come. It reminds me today that everything is done in his time, and not my time. Everything is done according to his will, and not mine. Everything is done to tell his story and to reveal his glory.

"Do not worry about anything, but with everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understand will guard you hearts and minds." Philippians 4:6-7

Application: pray from noon to noon thirty

2015 01 29 John 7 14 24

John 7:14-24

January 29, 2015

In today's qt, Jesus teaches at the festival in public, despite Jewish leaders trying to kill him. When someone asked how he knows so much when he hasn't been trained, he glorifies God, giving him credit, and teaches that those who speak for themselves want glory only for themselves, while a person who seeks to honor God speaks the truth.

I pray that I live a life of someone who seeks to honor God who speaks the truth, and not someone who speak for themselves and want glory only for themselves. I'm learning a lot about pride, on the major 7 deadly sins, and one of the thing is that people so caught up in it, when talking with them, they will keep turning the conversation around to talk about themselves. Talking with these types of people feels like talking to a dead person who can't listen. They're moving and talking, but almost completely contained and caught within themselves. It's sad to see, and it's alarming when I find myself catching myself from doing the same thing now and then.

Application: pray from noon to noon thirty

2015 01 28 QT John 7 1 13 Doing Good In Secret

Doing Good In Secret

January 28, 2015

In today's QT, Jesus's brothers tell Jesus he should be more public as he was doings some things in secret. Jesus responds it's not the right time, and that world hates him because he testifies that what the world does is evil. This was all just before the festival at Tabernacles, which is the even the brothers were telling Jesus to go and be public about his miracles. Jesus tells them to go ahead, and it's not time for himself to go yet. After the brother leave for the festival, Jesus then leaves for the festival, but in secret.

Today's qt makes me that secrets are not a bad thing in itself. When I think about secrets, it's usually a bad thing because I have remember that it's a secret and I have to keep track and filter my actions and words in order to keep it a secret, and sometimes you have to lie to keep something a secret. What a tiresome way to live. This is why I don't like it when people tell me secrets, or talk about other people in negative ways behind their back, because these things create unnecessary work for me. In any case, Jesus did things in secret as well, and it was for good. So, if it's for good, than the work that goes into keeping something secret is not useless or unnecessary.

Matthew 6:1 Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

And it seems that I can get reward for my good deeds as long as my heart is in the right place, but there is always some part of me that is going to want some recognition. Only surefire way is to do it in secret, which no one but God can possibly recognize in the first place.

Application: find a good deed to do, and do it in secret.

2015 01 27 QT John 6 60 71 Uncomfortable Word

Uncomfortable Word

January 27, 2015

Verse 60 in today's qt, disciples have hard time accepting Jesus's hard teaching. They only want to hear what they want to here from Jesus. They want Jesus to be who they want him to be, and not who he really is. I wonder if I'm doing the same thing in my life. Who is Jesus to me? What is he saying to me? He is my invisible guiding hands. He is my protector. He is my freedom from slavery of sin. These are things I want him to be, and things he is, but at the same time, he is also my teacher, he is my trainer, and sometimes he is the stick that disciplines me. These are things that are uncomfortable. He says he loves me and forgives, which are what I want to hear, but at the same time, he says to love others and to forgive others, which is uncomfortable. He tells me to do things that are uncomfortable, and it's uncomfortable, but what can I do? Doing it and not doing it are both uncomfortable, so I might as well just do it because it is good, and I do do these things often as I ought to, but sometimes I just miss the moment.

So many of his followers leave him, but that's like choosing death because the medicine is not tasty. I really don't have an option, and I should be, and am happy about that. Uncomfortable as it may be, as unfair as some of these things may be, if it is good, then it for good, and God will reward me both in heaven and here on earth with peace and love.

Application: clean my apartment

2015 01 26 QT Drinking The Blood Of Jesus

Drinking the Blood of Jesus

January 26, 2015

So, overall, eating his flesh and drinking his blood means believing him. And, more specifically, I take eating his flesh to mean reading the bible and taking in the Word of Life, but what about drinking the blood of Jesus? Is it the same thing, or did Jesus mean something more specific? My first guess is the drinking his blood means praying. Two most important things are reading the bible and praying, so it makes sense. But blood of Jesus also means the sacrifice he made for my sins, the justification and sanctification of me through his blood. Is it then just remember this and believing him, or praying? Perhaps it's both, because only reasons I can even I can stand and face God and pray is because I have been justified through the blood of Jesus. Perhaps then, the drinking the blood does mean praying.

Application: eat his flesh, drink his blood

2015 01 25 John 6 41 51

John 6:41-51

January 25, 2015

In these verses today, Jesus explains that only those who the Father draws can come to Jesus, and that these people are taught and lead by God to come to Jesus.

At first it might seem like God is cherry picking who to save, but this is actually not the case. God pulls everyone. How we react to his pull is different. For me, everything is just way too miraculous the way everything is for it not have a creator. That realization was the initial pull for me, then the events that took and are taking place in my life too were and are too miraculous the way everything happened and is happening despite my debauchery/stupidity, that I felt and feel a protecting/guiding invisible hand of God. All of which made me question who is responsible for all of this, which only Jesus was able to provide a satisfactory and definitive answer with authority. The answers required a leap of faith, and I took that leap of faith to see if the answers were true, then I started seeing, and now I see more and more that the his answers are in fact true.

There people around me who do not see yet. This is not because God is not drawing them. God draws them all, and tries to teach them all, but they deny, so are unable to see. I used to deny myself until I couldn't deny anymore. I do what I can do help the work of God in their lives, but ultimately, God has given us free will, and we need to choose, because if God forces us to love him, then it is not really the kind of love that he wants.

Application: pray thanking Jesus that I could see him for who he is, and pray for those in my life who do not see yet

2015 01 24 QT John 6 30 40 Bread Of Life

John: 6:30-40 Bread Of Life

January 24, 2015

I know it in my head, but the sin inside me makes hard each day to seek out the bread of life. The battle which the war has already been won rages onward. I can feel when I'm hungry for the bread of life, which is Jesus, the Word, but the pride and sloth exert forces toward not eating the bread of life. How do I overcome this? I was asked by someone yesterday. My best answer at the time was that it's helpful to me when I remember that the war has already been won by Jesus. I think this helps, but it refocuses my attention on the ultimate end goal, which has already been won and given to me by grace through Jesus. Another question was how do I get back up when I've fallen. I said it's most important to get back up quickly, and again remembering that Jesus has already won the war for me and given it to me helps me get over the fact the I lost the battle. Doesn't mean I can just let go and lose all the battles, each battle lost brings a small distance between Jesus and me, and further away I am get, more difficult it is turn back. I wonder what my pastor's answer to these two questions are.

I think one of the cool verses in today's qt, is verse 40 where Jesus literally spells out what the will of God.

"For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day." - John 6:40

Application: ask my pastor the same two questions, maybe pass the answer along to a couple of people

2015 01 23 QT John 2 22 29

John 6:22-29

January 23, 2015

Verse 29: Jesus answered "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

It's kind weird in my mind when I think that I should "believe" when I'm thinking at the same time, I do "believe." But soon I realize believing is a work in progress. In verse 29, Jesus explains the work of God is to believe in Jesus. Then the question is, how do I believe in Jesus? The answers are many and probably different for many, but I think for me, it essentially involves giving up control? Kind of like a team trust exercise where I fall backwards trusting that my teammates got me. Only, in this case, Jesus is my teammate, and he's all powerful, and all-knowing, and he's got me. How great is that? So, what do I have to worry about? This is all much easier said than done especially when the winds are blowing hard.

Application: walk today asking how else I could believe in Jesus

2015 01 22 QT John 6 14 21

John 6:14-21

January 22, 2015

In today's qt, Jesus walks on water in verse 19, but what stood out to me more was in verse 21 where the boat "immediately reached the shore where the disciples were heading" when the disciples were "willing to take him into the boat." and it made think how this may be similar to an unbeliever starting to believe, even though it doesn't quite fit. Then now I'm wondering why did the boat immediately reach the shore?

One obvious answer is that it was done for His Glory, but I still wonder if there is something more, something he intended to tell us through this story besides for His Glory because after all, everything is done for His Glory in the end.

Perhaps it's meant to show that Jesus has power over time and space, which would be more impressive than walking on water. Perhaps it is similar to an unbeliever in doubt and fear about the Lord, and then upon becoming willing to accept him, their ultimate destination of salvation is immediately reached by grace.

Application: listen to Haggai and Zechariah

2015 01 21 QT Is Life A Test

Is Life a Test?

January 21, 2015

John: 6:1-13

Jesus tests Phillip in today's QT. He asked in verse 5, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" and verse 6 says that Jesus asked him this only to test him. Phillip answers in verse 7 "eight months wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite."

I wonder how Phillip did on that test. Did he fail? Did he pass? Was that the answer Jesus wanted? What is the answer Jesus wanted to hear?

Looking at this, I can see that my God likes to test my faith. He does this constantly with many of his people in the bible. I feel like I'm currently going through a test, and maybe this entire life on earth is a test.

It seems I can't pass the test, and rarely do people in the bible pass the test, and even when they pass one test, they eventually fail another. Jesus is the only one who passed all the tests with flying colors, and only one that satisfied God fully.

I'm going to fail the test, like everyone else, but that's where Jesus comes to rescue, for he said "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has cross over from death to life." - John 5:24

Application: catch up on bible study

2015 01 20 Where Is The Serpent In This

Where is the serpent in this? It's within me.

So, I'm 2 days into the 8-week bible study called the 7 deadly sins. I was asked to ask myself through out the day for the past 2 days "where is the serpent in this?" And at first I wondered it might be evil things that are happening around me. Whether it's through other things or people, but just now, I thought that maybe it's within me. And I think that this might be the answer. Whatever "this" situation might be, the serpent seems to be within me, deceiving me, lying to me, and trying to change my perspective. If I'm unaware of this, I'm doomed. The greatest enemy is inside me, whispering thoughts directly into my mind. This is crazy. That is why I must do as Galations 2:20 says.

I have been crucified with Christ such that I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. - Galatians 2:20

2015 01 20 QT John 5 39 47 Law Vs Love

Law vs. Love

January 20, 2015

John 5:39-47

Studying the Scriptures is good. Following the Law is good. However, I am not perfect. I have fallen before, and I still fall today, and I will fall in the future. There is no way to survive the judgment at the end as I will simply fall short no matter how much I know about the scripture, no matter how well I follow the law. That is why Jesus had to come. He had to come to give me a way to get back up, to give me a way to make the cut even when I fall short. This is his love and grace and the greatest gift. How else could I face God.

Application: catch up on bible study work, write a blog post on one of the topics

2015 01 19 QT John 5 30 38

QT John 5:30-38

January 19, 2015

Jesus said "I can do nothing on my own authority. I judge only as God tells me, so my judgment is right, because I am not trying to do what I want, but only what he who sent me wants." in John verse 30.

The part about "I am not trying to do what I want, but only what he who sent me wants." is the part that I pray that I can practice in my life. I know what God wants. God wants to save all people our their sinful selves, and God firsts wants to save me, cleanse me, bless me, and have a relationship with me, and to pour his love onto me for me to pour onto others. When this becomes difficult to do is when my relationship with Jesus is weak such that his love cannot flow freely onto me and onto others. That's when I feel spiritually hungry, and start to feel unsatisfied and selfish. But I know the answer to this problem, and that is to eat the bread of life, which is to read the bible and to pray.

Application: go to morning prayer tomorrow

2015 01 18 QT John 5 19 29

QT John 5:19-29

January 18, 2015

Two verses stick out the most in today's qt.

Verse 19 - Jesus gave them this answer: “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees the Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.

Verse 24 - I tell you the truth, a time, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.

Verse 19 stands out to me because of in “Experiencing God” bible study, I remember learning about how to detect when God is working, and joining him in his work to be experience him. For example, a kind of work that only God does is leading people to God. No one else in their right natural sinful selves will point people to God. So, when someone comes to me with questions of about God or Jesus, that’s God’s work in progress that has lead that person to that state. At that point, I can join his work and answer those questions best I can, and help him further go toward God, or not. The thing about this is that it happens so quickly, and if you miss the opportunity, then you have missed the opportunity. I had an experience where someone asked me, but I was too busy with something else, and said I will answer later, but when I tried to answer later, it was too late.

Verse 24 stands out because this is the truth, the good news, the way to get eternal life, and the way to go from death to life, and that is to believe Jesus and to believe God. At first this verse might make it seem like God may be the only one who needs to be believed. After all, Jesus came in flesh and blood, but the important thing is “my word.” Jesus says whoever hears “my” word and believes gets all these things, best of which is reconnection to God himself through Jesus. This makes me think about my dad, who believes in God, but thinks Jesus is another person, and does not really believe that Jesus came back to life from death, which gives power to his words all the more.

Application: pray and email verse 24 to dad with what I believe about Jesus.

2015 01 17 QT John 5 10 18See You Are Well Again Stop Sinning Or Something Worse May Happen To You

January 17, 2015

See, you are well again. Stop sinning and something worse may happen to you.

What is the worst thing that can happen to me? That's to be disconnected from God

In verse 14, Jesus says "See, you are well again. Stop sinning and something worse may happen to you." to the man he healed. It made me think that someone reading this might see this as a threat of some kind. I guess that it could be seen that way if you don't consider the nature of sin. I don't think that this means that God will bring upon worse things, but that if you keep sinning, then those sins will get you.

I'm fighting with sin every day. Thoughts lust, and feelings of disgust, that creep up on me sometimes are hard to stop, or difficult to detect. Then there is the laziness, especially towards doing dishes, and also for praying. They say that it takes about 6 weeks for your body to get into habit of exercising physically. I wonder how long it would take for me to get in the habit of praying at a specified time. I need to pray, and I want to pray, and I wan to do good, yet sometimes the sin of laziness gets in the way.

Application: pray for small group members

2015 01 17 Chronological Order Of The Books Of The Bible

Chronological Order of The Books of The Bible

January 17, 2015

This is the order in which I will read the bible this year, starting at Daniel, and I'm currently at Nehemiah.

Below ordering is from this page.

1440 - 1400 B.C.

Genesis #1
Exodus #2
Leviticus #3
Numbers #4
Deuteronomy #5

1400 - 1000

Joshua #6
Judges #7

1000 - 586 B.C. (pre-exile - mid-exile)

Period of David and Solomon (ca. 1000 - 931):

Psalms #19
Ruth #8
1st Samuel #9
2nd Samuel #10
Job #18
Proverbs #20
Ecclesiastes #21
Song of Solomon #22

Period of Rehoboam to Hezekiah (931 - 686):

Isaiah #23
Hosea #28
Joel #29
Amos #30
Obadiah #31
Jonah #32
Micah #33

Period of Hezekiah to the exile (686 - 586):

Nahum #34
Habakkuk #35
Zephaniah #36

1st Kings #11
2nd Kings #12
1st Chronicles #13
2nd Chronicles #14

Jeremiah #24
Lamentations #25
Ezekiel #26
Daniel #27

516 - 400 B.C. (post-exilic)

Ezra #15
Nehemiah #16
Esther #17

Haggai #37
Zechariah #38
Malachi #39

New Testament (n.b., this is a "higher chronology" than you will find elsewhere = dates are earlier; numbers in bold represent the traditional New Testament English order; parenthetical bold numbers are the traditional order in the Bible overall):

40 - 45. A.D.

Matthew: #1 (#40 )

45 - 50 A.D.

1st Thessalonians #13 (#52)
2nd Thessalonians #14 (#53)
1 Corinthians #7 (#46)
2 Corinthians #8 (#47)
Romans #6 (#45)
Luke #3 (#42)

50 - 55 A.D.

Galatians #9 (#48)
Ephesians #10 (#49)
Philippians #11 (#50)
Colossians #12 (#51)
Philemon #18 (#57)
Acts #5 (#44)

1st Timothy #15 (#54)
2nd Timothy #16 (#55)
Titus #17 (#56)
Hebrews #19 (#58)

55 - 60 A.D.

James #20 (#59)
Jude #26 (#65)

60 - 68 A.D.

1st Peter #21 (#60)
2nd Peter #22 (#61)
Mark #2 (#41)

John #4 (#43)
1st John #23 (#62)
2nd John #24 (#63)
3rd John #25 (#64)
Revelation #27 (#66)

2015 01 15 John 5 1 9 QT

QT John 5:1-9

January 16, 2015

"Do you want to get well?" Jesus asks. Why ask a question like that where the answer is pretty obvious. Perhaps, it's not that obvious. When someone has been stuck for 38 years, that person may have given up. I think similar things happen with faith, and with addiction. You don't believe for so long that you feel there is no start believing. You get addicted to something so much that you feel there is no quitting. But this is not the truth.

Jesus already won. There is no question of will he win? He already won for me. When I realized this truth, I won. I don't know if this will make any sense to someone who might be reading this who doesn't have faith, but I was able to overcome some of my addictions because Jesus has already won. Now, taking that first leap of faith was a difficult one, but one only has to look at all the amazing miraculous things that's happening right around them, within them, to see that God is working to save them.

Application: pick another whole book of the bible, and listen to it whole.

2015 01 15 John 4 43 54 What is a miracle

What is a miracle?

John 4:43-54

January 15, 2015

What is a miracle? Jesus performs a miracle over long distance. He then says The Galileans will never believe unless they see miraculous signs and wonders. And do myself was someone who sought concrete evidence. I wanted to know, not believe. But sooner I realized this is impossible. It is called faith for a reason. But I also felt that everything was just quite spectacularly miraculous already. This universe, everything in it, and the people including myself, my thoughts and feelings, just the fact that it all even exists is unbelievable anyways.

But before I get sidetracked, what's important is how can these people who evidence believe. How did I come to believe? At a certain point, I had to make a decision and take a leap of faith, like the scene in the movie Matrix, the red pill or blue pill. I decided to try the red pill, and there's no going back. Once you know something, you can't un-know it. I can deny it, but it's different. Anyways, how can I help others take their leap of faith as well? And to help those who already took the red pill, and are getting to know?

What's most miraculous is Jesus himself. Not his gifts, but Jesus himself.

Application: katalk everyone in my new small group

2015 01 14 QT John 4 31 42

QT John 4:31-42

John 4:31-42

January 14, 2015

“I have food you know nothing about.” and that “my food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.” Jesus said.

The the amount of love I can pass on to others is limited by the amount of love I can draw from my Lord through his Word and prayers. The food I need is His word and my prayers. When I’m hungry for this spiritual food, I can feel myself turn inward, selfish, and ugly. The only solution is to eat, and that is to receive the spiritual food and love from the Lord through by reading the bible and praying. Only then, will I have the power to do His will, which is to love Him, and to love others.

Application: listen to another whole book from the bible, and go to morning prayer tomorrow morning.

2015 01 13 QT John 4 19 30

QT John 4:19-30

January 13, 2015

John 4:19-30

Today’s qt reminds me of the call to testify my faith. My pastor asked on last Sunday’s sermon, where is my place of service and ministry? And I thought to myself "at home, at small group, and on the internet." When I was at NYBC, God put a conviction in my heart to testify, and to testify on the internet of all places. After all, running a business, there no way to really be private, and even though I do already let everyone know of my faith in Jesus, my personal testimony is not out there in the world yet. Even on the day of my baptism at my church, I was not prepared to testify that day. My thoughts, experiences, and beliefs were not organized enough for me to testify in a way that would have made sense for me. Back then, I was just taking a leap of faith. Over the years, God has revealed more about himself to me, and I’m able to organize my belief in a way that makes sense to me.

Pastor Song also talked about having and building a tool of spreading gospel when I was at NYBC. It makes sense. I wouldn’t go to war empty-handed right? Yet, I was empty handed. Over this NYBC, God gave me a small tool, and that is to ask questions, and invoke curiosity. Instead of just telling my version of gospel, it seems better to just ask questions about Jesus to some people.

The Samaritan woman, after meeting Jesus, goes back to her town and testifies. Her testimony is as simple as “hey look at this man who knows my life, might he be the messiah?” And people gathered. This is all a testimony needs to do. After all, I can’t force faith or even bring about faith in someone. All I can do is point to Jesus, and He has to do the work.

Application: work on my testimony

2015 01 11 John 4 1 10 QT

John 4:1-10 Quiet Time

January 11, 2015

요한복음 4:1-10

큐티를 회복할때가 왔다. 이제는 잡고 놓치지 않겠다. 오늘 큐티 내용 10절을 보면 사마리탄 여자가 예수님을 안다면 생명의 물을 구할것이라고 한다. 나는 안다. 하지만 바보같이 교만에 잘 구하지 않고 살아왔다. 그러니 주님은 나를 humble 시키신다. 앞으로는 그러지 않을것이다.

어제 다니엘서를 오디오북으로 들으면서 다시한번 느낀 주님의 모습은, 전지 전능함이다. 이것을 나는 별것이 아니것으로 보았던거같다, 하지만 사실 엄첨 위대하고 awesome to the point of shaking/dying at the mere presence 다. 처음 내게 다가오실때에는 항상 계셧던 보이지 않는 보호자로 다가오셨지만, 주님을 계속 알아가며 주님의 더 크고 위대한 본 모습도 알아가고 있는것같다.

이 구절의 안타까움은 이 사마리아 여자는 모른다. 그래서 생명의 물, 삶을 구하지 않는다. 알려야 한다. 나만 알고 살게 또 살때가 아니다. 주님이 원하시는것들을 아는 이상 하지 않을수 없다.

적용: 아버지께 구체적으로 복음에 관한 질문하기

2015 01 09 Do You Believe That Jesus Came Back To Life

Do you believe that Jesus came back to life?

January 9, 2015

That is the question.

2015 01 07 My First Blog Post!

My First Blog Post!

January 7, 2015

This is my first blog post on my new blog!

It's going to take some work to get everything organized.